General Chat

It's given me a good laugh too Jill. Nite nite Jan x

Milton where?

Well of course Milton Keynes was a bit smaller in 1851 Keith, just a small village...

Paul . Back to line one. I'm glad you can find a scouse on the 1851 because I've been looking for b****y hours and I cannot find the one I want. (But at least I know he wasn't born in Milton Keynes) :-) Keith

That's right Jill, that's what my friends told me. Most of these are made up by scousers themselves anyway 'cos they just have a sense of humour...mostly!! jan xx

I just showed these jokes to 3 scouse friends of mine. It took 'em a while to respond because they said they are still ROFLAO. Jan xx

LOL Jill - Ive forgotton!! DOH - Must be the Cornish in me!! ;o))

Regional Prejudice?? Yer avin a larf! Give Over Deb - If we banned jokes about the Irish, Scousers. Cockneys Cornish Essex etc etc - what would we tell jokes about??? Theres always George Bush I suppose!! ;o)))

what do you say to little Jill - who is proving herself a true scouser... Whisper **that one is earlier on Jill**

Scousers are like Glaswegians....they have a great ability for humour and are first to have a laugh at their own expense, and not too easily offended, so shouldn't worry too much xx

I unreservedly apologise if I have offended anybody. As I have stated half of my family are scousers and in fact that is where many of the jokes have come from! It was intended as a bit of fun on what I thought was a jokey thread. I have only recently started posting but if I offend others then I will not bother again. Sorry again if I offended any body.

Had I thought any scousers were truly incensed by these jokes I would not have posted them. I have many friends/colleagues from the area and find they all have an excellent SOH especially where hometownjokes are involved Ken x

Deb, With respect, everyones just having a bit of fun, no offence is meant by anyone here. But then you would realise that as a 'scouser born and bred' with 'the best sense of humour in the country'. Paul (shall we start the essex girls jokes next ?)

Deb, With respect, Ginny has stated clearly on this thread that her Mum, whom she loves dearly, is a scouser, as are many of her relations, and they are a very close-knit family. I think you have misunderstood her intention. Unless I have misunderstood you, and you too are joking? I do hope so :-) Liz x

Paul cannot possibly be a snob now he's related to a scouser! Here's a lovely song we used to sing (at the Villa Matches): In the Liverpool slums (twice) they look in the dustbins for something to eat, they find a dead dog and they think it's a treat dead dog and mustard is something to eat In the Liverpool slums. As someone from that culchural oasis 'Brum' Oi am uppa class when yow compare me to them scour-sers! Cheers Kaz

Thank you for that, I haven't laughed that much for ages! Where do you get them from?? maggy

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm lookin' for a job.' The man behind the counter paused, then replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is ?200,000 a year.'. The scouser said 'Nah, you're bullsh*tting me!'. The man behind the counter said 'Well you bloody started it!' To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine: DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS... Christmas time, drunkenness and crime, Children playing - in filth and grime, With cars on fire - and trainees under tree Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally, It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving, Knock-off gear - worra great feelin Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free, Just like our lecky, - gas and TV Christmas time, p￭ssups all the time Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear It's great getting p￭ssed - on someone else's beer Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella Christmas is sound - Christmas is best God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS Christmas time - time to joy-ride Then go and visit - family inside With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city You may just know why - the streets look so sh￭tty So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels. Ken xx

What do you say to a Scouser in uniform? Big Mac and fries please. It was the first game of the season and Everton were playing their new Bosnian striker, Bobalobakov. He went on to score a five goals and after the game he phoned his mother. 'It's been a great day here mum' he says. 'I scored five goals!' 'That's great son' his mother replied 'but it hasn't been a great day for us here. I got shot at, you're brother got beat up and you're sister got mugged'. 'I'm very sorry mum' said the Bosnian. His mum replied 'well you should be. It's your fault we moved to Liverpool'. One day Robbie and Steve were playing footy in the local park. The two kid's were having so much fun that they didn't see the rotweiller running towards Robbie. The dog then suddenly jumped up and attacked Robbie. Acting on instinct, Steve picked up a big stick they were using as a goal post and hit the dog as hard as he could. The dog then fell to the floor in a pool of blood and died. A man who had seen the event walked over to the lads and introduced himself. 'Hello, i'm John and i'm a reporter for a popular newspaper and I just saw what you did to save your mate there'. The reporter then added 'I can just see the headlines now, 'MAN UTD FAN SAVES MATE FROM ROTWEILLER' '. Steve said 'No I don't support Man Utd'. 'O.K. then, 'MAN CITY SUPPORTER SAVES MATE FROM ROTWEILLER' ' say's the reporter. 'No I don't support City either' say's Steve. The reporter then asks 'Well who do you support?'. Steve replies 'Liverpool'. 'Right then' say's the reporter 'MANIAC SCOUSE KILLS DOG IN VICIOUS ATTACK'. The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in.With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, 'Is that Jesus down there?' The bartender nodded,so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey,too. The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back,who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too. The third patron to enter the bar was a Scouser,who swaggered into the bar and yelled, 'Barkeeper, giv us a lager der la! Hey, is dat God's Boy down dere?' The barkeeper nodded, so the Scouser told him to give Jesus a lager, too. As Jesus got up to leave,he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, 'For your kindness,you are healed!' The Irishman felt the strength comeback to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door. Jesus touched the Italian and said, 'For your kindness, you are healed!' The Italian felt his backstraighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. Jesus walked towards the Scouser, but the Scouser jumped back and exclaimed,'Bugger off, I'll lose my disabiltity benefit!!!!' Ken xx

Liz, so have I - my mum is a scouser!

Ginny Newman, I'll have you know your husband has scouse ancestry on his mother's side *glares at Ginny in hopefully menacing way but just looks stupid instead* Liz x