General Chat

Just dropping in to say hello.
Still reading but not posting much at the moment, havnt seen Eileen or Lily around for a while, hoping that you are both ok and of course everyone else who posts on here.
I am feeling utterly exhausted, aching all over from having to lift little boy,a disasterious visit to the doctor earlier on in the week meant I had to lift him in and out of car again the same at pharmacy and when we got home all whilst he was kicking pulling my hair and screaming, same again this evening going up to bed and then about 20 visits to his bedrroom to put matress and bedding back on the bed which he seems to have got into an obsession about taking them off.Feeling utterly despondant about the future at the moment and wondering how long it will be before I injure myself trying to lift him, he is such a tall well built lad for his age. So thats me feeling rubbish but hey ho Wimbledon is on next week, now tht should cheer me up.
Sorry for the moan off to bed now hopefully for some sleep, hubby back tom after his week away with work, yey.
Claire xxx

Hello.

Not about for long.Hope you are all well and feeling as bright as possible.

Me,I'm going stir bloody crazy! Not used to being home like this and because I have too much time I don't do things because I have put them off for too long.

One hand and wheels is still coming on in leaps and bounds.We now have a system where I give him £20 a week pocket money and he does some of his own shopping when he goes out on the bus with his wonderful mate.He chooses what meat he wants for his tea and they cook it,he buys bacon for the sandwich they have for lunch and he is running his own toiletries now.

The local farm shop had a glut of mangoes so we will make some mango chutney and he can be pestle and mortar driver whether he wants to or not.I'm looking forward to watching him grind up the eight cloves of garlic,tee-hee! This is before he has to go out and buy the vegetables.

Have a good night everybody.

I agree with Gail - I too have a habit of pulling away from people when depressed, at times it's been to the point of saying nothing, just staying in my shell, becoming more & more quiet.Seems too much effort even to talk. The worst episode apparently I was non-verbal for 10 days. Then suddenly woke up, feeling better.
I think I'd be inclined to continue contact with your brother, even if you just sit with him and say nothing. Perhaps for shorter visits, but I wouldn't cut him off completely. It's difficult for both of you.
A gorgeous day here, except when I look at the clover field which is now my back garden.
Anyone good at plastering who'd like to visit? Colleen's washing machine upstairs leaked, and because the floor slopes backward a bit, we didn't notice the leak, it all went to the back and into the wall, which has now all soaked into the ceiling of my store cupboard on the ground floor, and down came the ceiling. Nice mess, I heard a thump in the night and examined the damage, turned off the light and went back to bed LOL.
We've been out to buy a new washer this afternoon, a necessity, big enough to wash several sheets at once.
My miniMary cut her own hair last evening which then led to floods of tears as her mother was not impressed with zig-zag hairdo. I cannot imagine what possessed her to do it, I'd not be surprised at 3 years old, but at 12 y/o !!!
have to make supper quickly, the therapist is coming in an hour.
Have a good evening.
hugs
Mary

David, sometimes when we are very ill, some of us have a habit, of pulling away from people. I am one person that does this. It is not intentional but somewhere inside I think it is done to avoid hurting the people close to us. I also know that mood swings can be very bad when not well. It will take your brother many many months to feel half human again. He may just need some space as well, mainly to reassess everything around him.

This does not mean the he does not need you now, probably needs your more than anything. He will adjust and so will you,

I am very much aware of what you are saying with your own mortality. It hit me very hard, and at times still does. But find it best not to think too much about.

Take care and Love and hugs to all.

Gail

David, your poor brother has been through the mill, but please don't withdraw yourself from him- he will still need your friendship and support while he is recovering and beyond. You have shared something very emotional but you will have seen each other in a different light and there is no need to pull back from him altogether. You might not need to spend quite so much time with him now but maybe you can enjoy the time you spend in a different way as his health improves. It is hard to cope with such illness, as I found last year when I was with my friend who sadly later died from cancer, but we all have to face up to the fact that we are only given a certain time on earth, so make the best of it when we can.

love to everyone,
Lizxxx

My younger brother had to have a replacement hip last autumn. It became infected and he had to have another, the same hip replaced.
He came in contact with MRSA ans another infection.

Two weeks after discharge he was diagnosed as having bowel cancer! He had surgery. Two days after the op something went wrong and he had to have another bigger operation.

Four operations in as many months. Two in one hospital, two in another.
Because I live not too far away from him I have been spending a lot of time with him.Frankly much much more than I used to.

I have seen my brother go from very strong to very weak to dangerously ill then begin to recover.He seemed at times very close and at other times distant.

Now he is receiving chemotherapy and hopefully recovering and I am aware he no lomger needs my help.During his worst illness it was at times very emotional, for me.

There is an awareness of our mortality that can be at times frightenig or depressing that wasn't there before.

Hi Hazel, glad things are getting sorted and hope you will feel happy in your new home, once you get everything done as you want it.
You have had so much to cope with, no wonder you haven't had time to grieve properly and now it will hit you I expect - just be sure that your Mum is watching you get your home to rights and is pleased for you and remember happier times with her when you feel low.

Deanna, sorry you haven't had anyone to play with lol, hope all is ok with you now and Allan now.

I am sorry I haven't been on here much, can't get myself motivated much as lots going on at home with o.h. grumpy over his sons and work and such (See Dutch's thread for me)

I do keep wondering how everyone is, Lily, Eileen, YCaz, Kathy and all of you and send love and hugs to everyone. Have managed to pm Mary and chat yesterday.

Lizxxx

Carole, hope the paint dries soon so the dog hairs slide off. The stress and hard work will be worth it in the end when everywhere is all fresh and bright.
O.h. still hasn't finished the bathroom lol, 2 yrs in November lol

Hi Thanks Deanna i am ok, Arron is alot better on new milk, so lets hope its stays like it, he has to go back to hospital next monday for test.

Yes so please that have moved feel alot better then i have done since mum passed away, But i have started to gieve for her now, as money that one of the brothers took from us all, we have got it, Now can put a close to it. Would sooner have mum then the money, but i knew mum wanted us to have it. So buying the paint for flat as mum would have given me it to me anyway if she was here.

I will be on here more once i go back home Sunday, thats if my internet has been sortted out.

Take care everyone

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hazelx

I'm really busy decorating!! Twice now the dog has got onto the wet paint!!
He is molting so lots of hair stuck to the skirting!

Hope everyone is okay xxx

Well this is disappointing.

WHERE ARE YOU ALL?????

I hope you are all well, but I have no one to chat too.

Love Deanna XXX

Came on to say goodnight and found you Hazel.
Have not seen you for ages.
How are you love?
New home and all... well done.
I hope the little un gets well soon, and it does rather sound like the allergy thing doesn't it?
Good night X
And Good night to all of you.
Deanna XXX

Hi Everyone

I am all unpacked and just waiting to get paint now to make place look clean as bloke wasnt very good at doing that at all.

Its mainly the front and bed room that needs it.

My little grand son hasnt been very well, being sick all the time. But have taken him to hospital again tonite and the have put him on another kind of milk as we have a milk alergy in the family. So lets hope that sorts it out.

I am at my daugthers until Sunday looking after Caitlin. My daugther is off to Ascot ladies day tomoro.

I should be on the internet by time i go back home, so if its all goes well will be on here again more. Cant wait.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}to everyone.

Hazelx

Hi folks,
Mary our vacuum does work and we will be giving it to Tony and Karen.
The reason we are buying a new one is that we need something lighter now.
Allan.. as strong as an Ox when young, is now having problems with 'everything' really. His lungs just do not work as they should and bless him he gets so frustrated with himself.
I am getting pretty useless too so we need more help than we used to.
So we are having a new LIGHTER vac.
Tony will nip up for it tomorrow... can't wait.

When I was young I did not have a vacuum cleaner. I had a EWBANK carpet sweeper which someone gave me. It was wooden and big...
I threw it away when my MIL gave me an old hoover... that was that worst thing I ever did.
I still have a little modern carpet sweeper but it is useless compared to the old one I had then.
Don't you think that most things are less efficient now than they were years ago?
I do know that I sound like an *oldie* which I am of course, but I find it to be true. AND, what am I doing changing subjects half way through my chat?? ;-0)

Colin, I agree with you about men and women.
I have a wonderful husband.... and if anyone tells him that I said that, I will have to deny it.... but to him housework is making a bed and vacuuming!!
The dust can lie where it is, who sees it anyway, as long as the carpet is clean!
He does all the cooking, and until recently he did all the housework.
We really do need a home help but we are fighting it all the way.
Neither of us can do the big jobs anymore and that is where an awful lot of the depression comes from.
I lie in bed at night and I clear out wardrobes, kitchen cupboards... oh you would not believe the work I get through at night! No wonder I get up exhausted in the mornings.
There I go again blethering on about nothing!

We are neither of us having a great time today.
Tomorrow is shopping day and I do the house... well as much as I can anyway.
I put in a couple of wash loads, do a bit of tidying and cleaning and I get so damned frustrated.
We have a tiny little one bed roomed bungalow which should take me an hour to clean from top to bottom but I am often not finished when they come in two to two and a half hours later.
STILL... It does get done and I should be grateful that I can still do as much as I can.
But, depression takes no notice of us when we try to tell ourselves that we are doing well.
O H MARY darling.... Please believe me when I say that I do know how you feel.
When things are bad they always seem to bring so many more problems with them.
Been there Mary, and I knew that I would NEVER get out of it.
The thing is... things do change, but in their own time.
I wish I could help you but that is just a wish Mary... If I ever won and big money I would help help you..
Tony informs me that when I tell people that I WILL help them if ever I win a fortune, this is a legal document and binding!! ;-0)
SO, I suggest that you print this and keep it *just in case*.
Things will change for you love.
Well everyone I had better go now as I am just talking rubbish!
I think that a good chin wag is what I really need just now, so thanks for listening to my rubbish.
See you all later perhaps.
Love to all,
Deanna XXXX

Gail, I'm glad to see you are feeling some better, chest issues can drag you down, esp after 3 months.
I am much more open about depression than I used to be, it's taken years though. Last week I was talking to a co-worker and she admitted to me that she has a diagnosis of bi-polar. It just sort of slipped out and I don't think she'd intended to share the info. For me it was a relief almost, it explains a lot of episodes over the past few months. She was appreciative that I didn't display shock. Now she has a support system.

We've had an interesting night. Gareth got up at 5am, woke his Mum, she was having breathing issues and decided to sit outside on her back porch, where it's humid and cool (rained overnight). Gareth sat with her for a while, then ran inside and came back out with . . . his drum and drumsticks - at 6am ! I'm sure the neighbours would not have appreciated being serenaded at that hour!! Next, I was in the kitchen with Megan, making school lunches, and Meg went to the frig freezer, gave a loud yell as a large, frozen water balloon rolled out of the freezer, hit the floor and exploded the ice and water. mini's science experiments again . . . the floor is much cleaner .

When my kids' father was still around (he left in 1981), I used to feel guilty if I'd done nothing all day, or had sat knitting, so I would leave the (unused) vacuum in the hall and then he wouldn't ask what I'd done all day!

I find that chronic pain seems to be exacerbated when depressed, or perhaps it's the other way around - depression hits then I am less able to cope with the pain.. I was hoping to get some garden work done today but it looks as if the rain is about to resume so perhaps i'll be forced into dealing with papers. I think I am making progress - cleared out a pile of clothes yesterday, couldn't figure out what they were piled for, got rid of some which have now been outgrown, and discovered this morning that it was a pile of mending which I was supposed to do. See if you leave it there long enough, the clothes are outgrown and you don't have to mend them. Great system.

Deanna you've got me excited too, a new vacuum - one that works - what a huge help that will be. My vacuum is so ineffective I'm thinking of pulling up the carpets.
Have a good day everyone. One week here till school is finished for the summer. wasn't it April last week?
Hugs
Mary

Lovely to see you much better, Gail, and I appreciate your long message. Also yours, Alison.
As for husbands not seeing that housework needs to be done: last night I went to a church-sponsored men's group dinner & talk where the speaker (a woman psychologist) was talking to a group of men (mostly married) about women and "what women want".
She talked about the differences, and it IS true- men do not see mess.
Re the isolating effects of depression, I totally agree. Not living in a small community I cannot relate to that part of it, but the rest is true in my experience.
I travel to work by public transport- train then bus, but often my boss gives me a lift to the railway station on the way home. We talk about lots of things. Shared interests (history, books etc). Today, following the recent deaths of a couple of men in Oz (one shot, one tasered, both by the police) he mentioned that he believes that mental illness is very underestimated in western countries. I have not told him that I have a history of depression, and I don't think he knows. But I believe he is correct.
I also believe chronic pain, incontinence and men's problems except prostate cancer are also underestimated . Colin.

Carole, do not want to scare you, but blood from any opening in a pooch could spell Parvo. If he has been inoculated he should be okay, but may need a vet check. My lovely boy survived parvo a few years ago, took him to the vet for the chop and vet forgot the injection. So vet footed half the bill for the 10 days of treatment. Our biggest problem now is that we cannot have another dog in the yard unless it has been inoculated first. Joys of having pets :)) So I hope he is just upset with the home improvements. One of our cats gets really paranoid if a piece of furniture is moved.

Depression/Anxiety can be very isolating, we isolate ourselves then others can isolate us by not communicating. This thread is great for letting loose and expressing. I understand what Allison is saying though as it is difficult to speak to others about. Living in a small community is difficult and even today there is still stigma attached to any mental issue. We know we are nice decent human beings, but mention depression or anxiety or both together then the labels start to attach. I also have the misfortune of looking a bit funny so more labels come my way. Once I start to articulate, most people get a shock as I have been labelled and for someone so strange looking to actually be able to speak and communicate intelligently, does not sit right with the little box and label I have been assigned with. I know that is not my problem, at times the barriers are difficult to fight through.

Thanks to Carole and Deanna, I have managed to break down a couple of my own barriers. I have managed to tell both now some of my problems and has helped me no end. I too have incontinence problems, not so much now, unless I get very ill but still sometimes. I can still be embarrassing and painful to talk about. I know where every loo is where ever I go and luckily there are loads of trees and bushes around where ever we have to drive to. When we are going anywhere I also try not to have too much fluid and at times do get dehydrated which is not good either. At times also the meds we take have side effects, and it took 2 years of fluffing around for me to find antidepressants and pain medication, without dreaded side effects as well.

I am still very tired and sore from coughing for 3 months, but very much improving and have managed to clean the kitchen and wash the floors. OH is very good around the house, but he never really sees dust. Probably just as well as one clean freak in the house is enough. Worst thing is the HW did not go anywhere and is still waiting, so can wait just that little bit longer.

I have not been able to catch up on all the posts yet, thinking of everyone

Love and Hugs

Gail

Alison I am suprised your sister didn't call you after the letter too, but maybe as you had told her in a letter, she thought you didn't want to talk about it. So now you all know where you stand. As for telling others you have. You shared with us. For now get used to talking to us, then after awhile if you feel you need to explain why you and B can't attend an invitation, tell the truth. Not some excuse for not going. There is no need to go broadcasting to the town!!

Gail good to see you getting better. It's been a long time now. xx


Our dog was poorly in the night ,S and I were up at two thirty cleaning up very watery blood. (Don't know how S came to find it) We have no idea which opeing it came from. Coco was very quiet yesterday we thought partly as we are decorating his area where his bed is, he doesn't like change. He showed no interest in his dog treats and thats strange. But he did want to go for a walk last night before bed. S said his pooh was very loose. Keeping a close eye on him. S stayed up with him last night till six, I have been up since 8. Let him out for a wee but he just circled back to bed.

Hi, I had written an amazingly long post and my internet connection went down before I could submit. GRRRRR.

Will try again later.

Gail

Carole, (and everyone else too), called my sister for her birthday on Monday but was out so called again last night. B was getting a bit annoyed saying he thought we'd scared her off, he thought she would have called me after she read the letter. Anyway, she is doing OK and so I asked if we had scared her off. She said not but that she wished we had told them years ago and that it did indeed answer a few questions for them in regard to us and socialising etc. She thinks we should talk to more people about it and if we told people in town that we'd be surprised how many would understand. Maybe so but we live in a small town with a small town mentality. I have heard the comments people have made about others with depression, I dread to think what they'd say about B's illnesses. It's a moot point anyway, we aren't close enough to anyone in town to tell them, also it's the worry or fear that one day someone might just tell others would would broadcast it or make fun. Couldn't bear that. At least we've told her though and have nothingto worry about there. Hope everyone is doing OK.

Alisonxx

Have a great time Frank and I hope you go from strength to strength.
We are ALWAYS here and you know where to find us.
You must be doing well if you are all going away together as the lovely little family I'm sure you are.

I came on to say goodnight.
My book and I are going to bed.... Where would I be without the wonderful talents of the novelists??
see you all tomorrow.
Love to all.
Deanna XXX