General Chat

thank you treehugger. I decided to write my friend a letter but when i came to i didnt give it her. Have posted it below.

Growing up with what I now realise is a narcissistic mother has had a very profound and lasting impact on me.
I never had the normal unconditional no questions asked love and support that a child normally gets from its parents. It is hard to understand but you feel somehow that you are to blame and it must be your fault and you must be a bad unlovable person especially when you can see your sister getting the love and attention that you never quite seem to get.

All my life I have felt that somehow it must be my fault otherwise how could my mother so obviously love my sister more than she did me.

The years of constant put downs and living in my sisters shadow have taken their toll, but knowing nothing else I just assumed that again it must be me It wasn’t until my sister and I started having serious outside relationships that I realised that my mum’s obvious favouritism wasn’t just a figment of my fevered imagination other people noticed it too even then I still assumed that I was somehow to blame.

It wasn’t until August this year that I had any idea that it might not be fault after all and that it might actual be my mum who had the problem. When my mum had a fall and broke her hip once again I dropped everything and when to help her. I spent money I could ill afford I bought her clothes a wash kit everything she asked for and needed. I rescued her cat took it to the vet and brought it home with me. I made endless phone calls to try to get her and her house sorted out (she was living in squalid conditions) and not once did she say thank you or express her gratitude for all that I had done.

It was only whilst chatting to some online friends that someone posted me a link about Narcissistic mothers when I looked at I could believe what I was reading. At first it was too painful and distressing to read it properly but the bit I read where a revelation. Eventually I read the whole article and other things about Narcissistic personality disorder and realised that my mum fitted the criteria perfectly.

It was a relief to know that it wasn’t me but it was/is hard to know that she will always be like this and will never change.

My relationship with my mum will always be difficult and I know that in her way she dose love me but she will never show it and that fills me with a lot of sadness but I know that I have to find away to deal with it and finally move on.

You have been a good friend to me and I hope that we will remain good friends for along time to come

Hi Whitenancy

I will give you a big((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))

You sound just like me. I have losted friends like you have. But now i say they were not true friend as they would understand. I have found some true friends and i have stand by them when they on a low and they have stand by me. But none of them live near me, I know thats what i need is a true friend who lives near me,

I have made some true friends on here. That have helped me in many ways.
So i hope i can put you to my list.

Thinking of you

Hi all still having computer trouble even though we have a brand new one! Had about tenmins on it in last week.
Got daughter here with her lap top so able to let you all know. Haven't time to read up to date. But sending love to you all xx

Hi all still having computer trouble even though we have a brand new one! Had about tenmins on it in last week.
Got daughter here with her lap top so able to let you all know. Haven't time to read up to date. But sending love to you all xx

Hi all still having computer trouble even though we have a brand new one! Had about tenmins on it in last week.
Got daughter here with her lap top so able to let you all know. Haven't time to read up to date. But sending love to you all xx

My thoughts are with you Clairejo at such a difficult time. Add me as another gr mum.

after hitting my worse day on wed i was feeling a bit more positive until yesterday.

I have never had any real close friend ever always wanted them but never quite new how to go about making and keeping em, so i was really happy when i started to make friends with one of the women from work, we were getting on well and she was always telling me that i was a good person and that my fears about being ugly and useless were unfounded she even treated me to a new hairdo for the xmas party.

The xams party was not brill as usual my fear and insecurity got the better of me and i spend most of the night sitting alone nursing my drink desperately wanting to get up and dance but not finding the courage until the party was nearly over.

I then got my paranoid head on and got angry with said friend cuz i thought that she didnt want to know me outside work and ended up having a row with her. She assured me that wasnt the case and that she happy for me to go to her house any time etc.

Trying to be proactive for once in my life i invited her to a carol service tonight and to carols round the tree on xmas eve as this is quite a big local event.

Initially she no to the carol service but then changed her mind after we had our set to and was still ok for xams eve.

Then on Wednesday i turned into a gibbering lunatic threatening to leave the kids and hubby etc behind and take myself away because i think that i am inadequate and everyone would be better off without me, my daughter was texting me from school saying that she would go (we had had a silly row that morning) so i ended up having to leave work in floods of tears go to the school and sort things out with her and finally admit that my depression was back and that i needed help.

Since then my friend has been somewhat cool with me but she said she was still ok for going out then yesterday morning she text me saying that she wasnt coming to carol service so i then texted her back and asked if she was still on for xams eve and a got a very curt reply saying no she was going to pub instead.

So now i feel that once again i have blown it and think that she dosnt want to be my friend any more which given my recent behaviour i can understand but it still hurts.

I have bought her a present which i was planning to give to out of work as i have not bought gifts for anyone else but i dont know what to do do i go round to her house and risk either getting the door slammed in my face or me breaking down and getting all emtional.

I want to explain to her why i get like i do (the narcissistic mother growing up with dyspraxia but not realising i had it until i was in my 30's etc) but i dont know if it is a good idea or will she just think im a complete fruitcake?

What do i do???

Claire

Mary, glad that lad got rid of some of your snow lol and hope you can get the decorations up and looking festive without too many hiccups. Knowing your household there will be something eventful happen, hope it is funny eventful and nothing worse.

Glad you managed to sleep in, did you good but are you mad, going out at this time in the snow to bank lol

You take care of yourself,
love
Lizxxxx

Welcome back Betty, glad to "see" you. I'm all of a muddle today, slept till 11am I'm ashamed to say, now I have a second wind at 11pm, and am heading out to do some banking at the instant teller. the snow's just started again, we haven't found the pavement of our road since the last storm on Friday. One funny thing (at least it amused me), I went out this aft and here was a boy about 12 yo shovelling the end of my driveway, I thanked him profusely and went in the house to see if I had any cash to give him, even though he hadn't asked. Came back out, feeling my usual guilt - to be informed by my daughter that he wasn't shovelling our driveway out of the goodness of his heart, he was "borrowing" great lumps of packed snow to build a fort down the road. Mine happened to be handy !!
LOL there went the guilt, I volunteered him to take as much as he wants!! it was quite hilarious - across the road and down 1 house, there is a very old (old for Canada) cemetary, with a wrought iron fence all the way round, takes up about 1/2 block. this kid and his buddies are building a fort round the fence,round the cemetary, not sure what the trigger was, but they filled their day with exercise, lots of sliding and laughter, and a few driveways got shovelled as a side effect. Our road is quite quiet at the worst of times and the local kids have basically spent the day on the road with sleds etc. I'm not sure I was ever that young . . .
The Christmas dec'ns have made it out of the basement, now my lounge is full of boxes. Hopefully tomorrow I can make some sense of it all.
Hugs for Claire especially, and many others, you know who you are.
Sleep tight.
love
Mary

Hi Betty, welcome back and hope you will get used to the new layout, there are some old threads about how to adjust things to make it easier to cope with but they will be a way back now, maybe someone tomorrow can nudge some up.

I get a headache still if I stay on here too long so keep hopping to different sites etc.

take care, hope your leg is better now and that your lad stays ok and your M is ok also.
love
Lizxxx

Hi Claire-Jo, this is your Purple night time gr Mum lol - glad my remark made you smile. I know how hard it is to stay strong but you sound as tho you are being well looked after and that's lovely to hear, so try to enjoy Christmas and if you need a little weep and a think, find a quiet corner till you feel on top of things again. I hope your Mum will finish her cruise and enjoy herself as much as possible, tell her she has lots of stand ins of all shapes and sizes and ages lol!

I actually managed to do up four of my son's pressies last evening (he already has the second hand dishwasher I got him from my friend) while watching the Tom Jones/Myleene thingie, and don't have too many more to do, Monday afternoon for some and evening for the rest before he gets home from work. He has made sure he won't be about much to do a lot so all left to me, what a surprise, but as my son is the one coming to dinner on the day, he will use that as an argument that I should work the hardest. Got told I am definitely doing the cooking, gee thanks!
love
Lizxxx

ClaireJo, I was just reading back a page or some, and saw that your parents have gone off on a cruise so you don't have your Mum around to comfort you at this sad time, and she will be wanting to be with you too.

You will have to come on and talk to all your gr Mums here, I hope you are managing to cope with everything that's going on at the mo. Feel free to come and offload at any time.

love
Lizxxx



Mary, hope all is well with you and you can eat or get out for supplies. Take good care of yourself. You are constantly in my thoughts.
love
Lizxxx

Dear Claire
My sincere sympathy on your loss, I send you hugs and a listening ear if you need someone to shout at. Adhesions can be very painful, the area where theyw ere removed will feel like a bad bruise for a while. get some rest, be good to yourself, sending you love and hugs,
Mary

Sorry of your lost Clairjo.
Hope you are ok thinking of you. It was this time of year i losted my first baby. its would have been 34 now.

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))to you

Claire Jo
There arent enough words so i will just send you a (((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))

Clairejo, I am so sorry for your loss - you will feel raw for a long time and with all the extra procedures you had to have too, it must have been very upsetting for you. There are no words to help you at such a time only to say that you will be in my thoughts, and I know you will have the love and support of all those who add to this board, who are struggling with various problems themselves at the mo but will find room in their hearts for thoughts of you and your lost little one. Do treat yourself gently, and take care, I hope your doctor is more help to you and will give you the time and information you need right now.
with love,
Lizxx


Mary, I love the thought of you out there sprinking the oats and glitter, hope it doesn't mean you have to go without your porridge tomorrow. Nice to have a good reason for time off but then you work hard at home too, glad you gave up on the snow shovelling, we don't want to hear you are in hospital through overdoing things.

Of course you have friends all over the world and I know how warm that feeling is when you open the cards, I am so lucky to have a lot of friends and I am still frantically writing cards which won't all reach their destinations in time for Christmas. You be careful tho and hope you can cope with all the hassle being snowed in does for you!!!

Eileen, hope you are ok and don't worry about the cards, if you have managed to send some then you are doing well, you should see my writing in some of those I have been doing yesterday, like a manic spider dashing over the page, heaven knows if folk will be able to read the messages. Sometimes tho it's the only way to keep in touch with people - the yearly card is the only contact sometimes but just shows we still care about each other.

Take care, everyone, know that my thoughts are with you all, and I wish I had a magic wand to make things better for us all.

Caz, good talking to you,

lots of love and hugs
Lizxxx

Well folks the snow has hit - hard - we are now officially snowed in. I was outside a few minutes ago, shovelled the front path only and decided I had had enough. Megan has finished but already her efforts are covered with a new thick white layer. Don't want to risk a heart attack. At that time it was up to mid-calf level. and still it's coming down. They are predicting another major storm on Sunday. The weather reports cite a "dangeroius storm", with high winds and freezing rain later in the day. I am taking an absent day from work today, normally a 1/2 hour drive, it would probably take at least twice that today. and be risky. Safer here. Perhaps they can have a self-serve day for the medications!!

The weather prediction is that , for the first time in 40 years, the entire country of Canada will have a white Christmas, usually the coasts have less then we do.

The children are all home early from school, they closed it abruptly because of the weather, one had a nosebleed on the way home which was VERY dramatic LOL. Now they are home for 2 weeks, think we will bake this afternoon.

One of the children presented me with a clear plastic cup, filled with what appears to be porridge oats - with a red stripe in the middle. Silly me, I should have known, it's food for the reindeer to guide them to our house on Christmas Eve. The red stripe is a layer of glitter to shine in the dark, I have been instructed to leave a trail across the front lawn so Santa can find our house. I'll look like a proper idiot out there spreading glitter on the snow LOL Anything to keep little imaginations active.

Many thanks for the cards I've received, lovely feeling comes over me when I see international postage on envelopes, I have friends all over the world it seems.
I cannot think clearly enough to remember all the names - sending a hug from round the world.
love
Mary

Hi everyone,
Daughter and grand daughter got to Scotland ok. But before they left at 4.30am we had been up most of the nite with little one with up set tum.

Daughter just rang said she has to take little one to docs. Just hope its not to long before little one feels better again. Al 3 of us had it this time last year.

Angela our problems are hard for us to cope with no matter how big or small. When you have depresstion like we have, even a cup that fulls on the floor can bring us to tears. Most people can laugh at that, but when we are down we dont see that funny side everytime.

You sound a very caring lady, glad you do have some pets with you.

A Very Happy Christmas and a happy new year to you

And everyone else on here.

Thanks to you all for your good wishes!
I do still have my 14yr old JR & I have cats too so I am not actually alone. Zara was special because she had a bad life in Ireland before she was rescued. I do know that I did what was best for her.
I read all the messages on here & wonder why I can't cope with my little probs compared to others big ones. I hope Christmas goes as well as possible for all.

Angela, Rusty & the Moggies xx

Thank you everone for your messages, they are much appreciated. Sorry to hear you had a fall Treehunter, you must be feeling terrible, it always seems to come when we are down already doesn't it. I can't have a shower as I have no balance, I use a bath lift that I sit on and it lowers me down into water. I got the first one from occupational therapists but decided to buy my own so I could lay back in the water to ease my poor back. I hope your bruises and soreness ease quickly. You most likely wont see this but I hope you enjoy your Christmas as best you can with your family.
Mary it is so lovely to hear from you, you certainly have a lot on at the moment, well all the time really with your family and job. It sounds as if it will be a lot easier for you when you go part time.
I find that scrolling up and down the page to remind me of what in the messages is doing my fingers in, who's idea was it to put reply at the top of page, ridiculous. As if the pins and needles and numbness in my hands are not enough, my arthritis is playing up and fingers hurting so must stop now. Sorry but I read messages and forget them so if I seem to ignore someone I don't do it on purpose.
I always seem to be moaning on here just lately but my sense of humour is failing me now, I could always rely on it at one time, maybe it's gone with the strength I need to fight all this rubbish thrown at me.
Be back later, hopefully in a better mood, my backs killing me, maybe I should have agreed to MRI scan before Christmas, lol, too late now I'll have another cuppa instead.

Love and hugs to all
Caz xx