General Chat

sending everyone love and hugs
Rachxxxxx

Is this anxiety or have I got a bug or something. For the past 2 - 3 weeks I have felt absolutely awful. Muzzy head, feeling nauseous, legs feel like jelly, breaking out in a sweat, absolutely no energy, a constant feeling of apprehension/fear (even though I have nothing to be frightened of)
and for the last 24 hrs have had diarrhoea !! I have admittedly had a lot on my mind. Son has been made redundant for the second time in 9 months - had two children and a mortgage, am going to visit relative in Spain with my cousin and partner is very uppity about it and I dreaded telling him we had booked the flight and his reaction was as I expected - narky and sarcastic. Would these two problems cause my symptoms or is it more likely to be a 'bug' ? Thanks.

MARY......... I don't believe it.
if you had been handing them out to your patients you would have checked, double checked and checked before you gave them to him/her!

You start looking after yourself woman, you are every bit as important as the people you spend your life caring for. X

Janet ... you too love are important... look after you.
We are going to be here as long as we are able.... then we will be replaced by others. you will always have a friend to listen on here.X

Nancy... I don't know what to say to you.
BUT.. you must look after YOU NANCY... you too are important love.
Whatever you decide to do, please don't leave yourself wide open to any abuse which is going to hurt you more.X

Well everyone, Jill is out of hospital again and she phoned me this afternoon.
She sounded great, but tired very very quickly, and it was so obvious. bless her.
I told her about all your good wishes, and she seemed so pleased.
I had better go now and e-mail her a shorty... she will not be able to handle our usual long e-mails yet.

lots of love to all of you,
Deanna XXX

Hello everyone,
Sorry Ann and Gail, I really had to delete, maybe will have to do so soon again, as I don't want my daughters to know about me posting here, they would feel guilty, the last thing they need!Things are going from bad to even worse, which makes me feel not only helpless but scared.My health is going rapidly downhill, another thing that worries me, but not for myself.
On a lighter note, I must tell you about a funny occasion.The daughter who I stay over, (3 flights of steep stairs, thus 3 x 17 steps) had an accident last week. That in itself wasn't funny of course, but, she told me how it happened on monday evening.She had to repeat it 3 times before I understood, because she couldn't stop laughing.She was driving home after an interview with a certain woman.She was (luckilly) only driving 10 kms an hour,and was waving to the woman, but, doing this, she lost control of the car and drove into a ditch.This was not deep, only about 2 metres, enough to soak the seats etc. and to render the car unusable for a day or two. This woman only said, "maybe you shouldn't drive when wearing high heels".That was not the reason at all, we both were in hysterics!Of course I wouldn't dream of telling her husband the complete truth.he ws not at all upset about the car, thank goodness.
Will tell you about the fish another time.

Am trying to be as upbeat as I can, not that it always is possible, as I often feel like screaming and crying, but how can I do this?

Having read all the latest postings, I feel humbled by your terrible worries/problems/unhappiness.
Wish I could wave a wand...

Love to all from Eileen. xx

Whitenancy, I think for your own peace of mind you need to go and get the personal stuff out so the cleaners can deal with the problem. Once your Mum is sorted out and presumably back at home, you can decide how to deal with it all in future but this would be one more thing for her to put you down if you didn't help out, especially as your sister doesn't have a car and is already struggling with your Mum in her home. You could tell her this is the last time you can help with all this if she doesn't try and help herself by accepting carers etc whatever it takes to keep her safe and the house not so bad. You could even write it in a letter and keep a copy so she doesn't try and twist your words.
Good luck, hope it all works out ok.

Lizx

i am so confused now i have no idea what to do. My hubby wants me to break all ties apart form the odd phone call with my mum he dosnt want me to go back to mums house with my sister and bag her person stuff so the cleaners can go in but my sister dosnt have a car so cant get there unless i take her, she is struggling to cope with have mum in her house but my hubby dont want mother in our house.

I know my hubby is trying to protect me but at the end of the day it is my mum even if she is an ungrateful old goat.

I just want all this to end i want my life back.

Janet, you have had a rough time so understand you can't cope with some of the doom and gloom on here but we have a giggle too so hope you will feel up to catching up with us all soon, and also that your poor Mum feels better too.
Will be sending you positive thoughts, as for all of you.

Lizxxx

Omg, Mary, no wonder you have been feeling so poorly, shame the pharmacy didn't point this out to you if it is where you always go for your pills, but hey, you take care and hope things improve as you get back to the correct dosage. After that, you might even feel lots better!!!!
Time for you to slow down a bit, not a good time I know, but just an afternoon maybe before things start revving up again, so you can take stock and be a bit kinder to yourself.
love and hugs and take care,
Lizxx

Hello all - back for a few minutes, I got a notice today to say that my monitor should be back about Aug 27th, so hopefully I'll be able to get back online shortly after it arrives.

Had an experience today which I want to pass on, in the hope that nobody else is as flippant about their meds as I have been apparently.

I've been on one anti-depressant or another for many years. Each time I tried to wean myself off, I'd become symptomatic again, and we'd try another type. been on the Citalopram for about 3 years now. Started at 20mg daily, that was increased to 30mg daily last year sometime, and upped to 40mg this past February. I last renewed the prescription in June and then again today.
Initially I had 20mg tablets, took one, then increased to 1 1/2, then up to 2. When the Rx was renewed in June, the pharmacist gave me 40mg tablets instead of 20 mg tabs. Did I notice???
For the past 2 months I have been feeling generally unwell, unfocused, anxiety constantly, shaking, Blood pressure elevated, just feeling rotten. Today they refused to renew my RX because I "should have 43 tablets left". I argued with them, and then the awful truth hit me, I've continued taking 2 tablets daily, thinking I was still using 20mg tablets. In other words I have been taking 80mg daily, when the maximum dosage for Citalopram is 60mg.
I am absolutely livid at myself, especially as a nurse who is fanatic about correct dosages for my patiuents. Time to be a caregiver to myself it seems.
So the bottom line is that I am now toxic and have to be weaned down from the 80 mg over several weeks. This totally explains why I have been feeling so rotten, have been up till 4am (hello Liz) many,many nights. I had myself convinced that there was something sinister going on with my body. Here it was my own carelessness all along. Give advice to other people but don't listen myself.
Please folks, check the labels, check the tablets, and ask questions if something doesn't seem right. perhaps someone else can be spared toxic symptoims because of my lesson, learned the hard way.
Mary

O.M.G..... I had a *narcissistic sister*...

She could bring me down with a look around my house.
look me up and down and smile....
I never understood that until this very minute.
AND I think I'm considered brighter than she is???

Ben... if you DID NOT have an imaginary friend, I would not believe you!

What do you think a 'day dream is?
I have had many many day dreams.
Not so much now , as I am not only happier, but older too.
Dreams and wishes become different when we get older.
AND.. do not give up your hobbies.... any of them... they are what makes you BEN.
Good luck love, hope your friends bumps into you in the street one day. X
I have to go as my tea is ready, but I will be back.
love to all,
Deanna XXX

Hi everyone
Just thought I would pop in and wish everyone well.
I have had some horrendous traumas since I was last on here, too many to mention but they have ongoing effects. My mum is suffering terrible depression after a bad fall and broken nose amongst other things. We have been to a funeral today of an old neighbor and that upset her too. It is so difficult for me to know what to say to her when I know myself how distroying depression can be-bit like blind leading the blind.
Anyway love to all who remember me and I have to be honest and say that I have not been keeping up with threads because I couldn't face others hurt and pain, my own and my mum's has been enough to bear so please forgive me.
Janetx

Forgot to say, snap Carole, I did my hair yesterday lol
Well done for doing without loo yesterda (well not all day, you know what I mean lol) Keep the positive thoughts flowing.

Whitenancy, know what you mean, I was ok at school but had no confidence so didn't get as much out of it as I could have. One of my old teachers I spoke to years later, said that he didn't think I was timid, just unobtrusive! Says it all!
School reunion in September, everyone gets such a shock when they meet me, apart from the fact I was tiny at school and am now much bigger, and even bigger than last get-together lol, I am no longer shy and definitely not unobtrusive! lol

love to everyone
Lizxx

just read some of the article on narcissistic mothers and my mum certainly displays a great mean of the traits i have just read about. Whilst she never physically harmed me i have always never quite been good enough and one thing that has always made me wonder is the I have dyspraxia and my mum was a primary school teacher yet as far as i am aware she never questioned why i struggled so much with my school work. i know special needs were not widely recognised until recently but...........

Just another of life unanswerable questions.

Will read the whole article properly when i have more time.

Now of to Buxton for the afternoon

Hi girls (particularly Whitenancy and Kathy lol) and all, not my usual time here but got woken by neighbour cutting worktops, well not him but his workman, yesterday was woken by kitchen being delivered and old one ripped out, all happening on shared drive next to house and close to bedroom window!! Oh for some uninterrupted sleep when I can wake at my own pace!!

My parents were the same, I could never do right!
I too never got the praise I craved, my two brothers were given every opportunity to stay on at school or do outside training etc and are now in business, not together, and rolling in money.I was the eldest and a girl so I was expected to marry and be a kept woman. I have always been the poor relation, single parent on benefits, and not helped or boosted in any way, even when as a single working woman I bought my own house before I had became pregnant with my son, they couldn't see why I couldn't be satisfied to stay in a council flat as they had lived in a council house all their lives. They wouldn't buy it as they saw a mortgage as debt even tho they could have had the house for peanuts!
The only thing I ever did right was to give them a grandson who loved them to bits compared to the grandson of my wealthy brother and snooty s.i.l. who couldn't have cared less whether he spoke to them or not, even when a little lad. Once I had him I was just his mother, felt like a brood mare! Even then they tried to undermine me by letting him get away with things I wouldn't and did it in front of me, till I had to say if they didn't stick to my way of bringing him up, he wouldn't be taken round to visit. Can't see them ever trying to go against my brother, they were sort of scared of him, he is a bullying kind of person. But they still boasted about how well he was doing, with his business, started on the back of the property his previously divorced partner owned which was financed by her ex!
I was taught from a young age to say goodnight and thank you for all you have done for us, every night before bed, can't remember if it was the same with my brothers and won't be asking them, they don't care if I am alive or dead as long as they continue to make money and live in grand style.
Considering the help my mother got from her older brothers and sisters when she and my dad couldn't afford things for us like school uniform etc and all the passed down furniture and clothes I had from a cousin, my brothers haven't followed that lead and my s.i.l. used to leave clothes at mum's house to sell me for my son, who was a month younger and smaller (my nephew was like my brother, big built).
Can't believe my mother condoned them selling the things to me, she always showed them to my son first so when he got a big bigger and wanted designer stuff I felt I couldn't say no, even tho I wanted to tell them to stuff the things where the sun don't shine. They sure as eggs are eggs didn't need the money I paid for the things.

Must get off here and do some chores, can't go back to sleep now as he is still cutting worktops, thank heavens it is only a little kitchen about 6' square!!
Love to everyone looking in today, overcast here in Norwich so not even the sun to cheer me. Have to listen out for the Red Arrows as they might fly over later, should be at Cromer Carnival today. Not very nice weather for a Carnival by the coast - typical!

love and hugs to you all,

Lizxxx

dont think i will ever hear the words and most of the time i can keep my feelings at arms length but my mum is currently staying with my sister and despite all the running around and sorting out i have done for my mum the past couple of weeks (see my thread Any Ideas) i am once again out of the loop.

feeling very battered and down this whole business with my mum has stirred up a lot of feelings that i try not think about too often.

It is hard always being second best and the constant rejection still hurts after all these years.

my older sister has always been the best as far as mum is concerned my mum constantly calls me by my sisters name and always has done and only after a recent blow up when i finally snapped at my mum and told that the when she could remember my name and the fact that she has 2 daughters to get back to me thing improved slightly but evry time i speak to her you can her her having to stop and mentally correct herself before she says my name.

This is just one of the many ways in which my mum has hurt me and continues to do so. Everyone knows the family can see how differently my mum treats me and my sister. I could go on for pages about all the put downs and negative things my mum says and dose but whats the point.

All i ever wanted and still want from my mum her a hug and a kiss and for her to say im doing ok, the sort of thing i do to my kids everyday without even thinking, but i know in my hearts that this is the one thing she wont do

Morning every one (tosses head back to show new hair and no grey roots) lol
I am working today, but have an appointment with the phychologist first, so will start work later. Yesterday was good, I didn't even need to loo before I went to work 28 miles away. So whooo.

Dad is still in hospital. They had mentioned him going home Monday, but decided he needs an ECG
and there are a few little problems to sort out. His breathing, high blood preasure, bursitis on his knee,
and a liver problem.

Will have to leave you all for now, will try to get back on tonight.

Lovely to see Caz has the doggy home xxx

She sounds like a nice character to write about Ben. Why not have a go at it.

Ann
Glos

Hi Ann

Yes, that would maybe be a good idea, to put pen to paper, as this imaginary character is a good mild mannered person who has also suffered with depression and as she is sensitive, I can feel her emotions as well. She is as soft as a sponge and her name is Samantha. She is also a genealogy researcher and is very close to her last surviving grandparent Harold.

I will not let OCD get in the way of my mind creation.

Ben

No Ben, don't give up Genealogy you would be wasting all that you have found out. However it might not be such a bad idea to write your imaginary character into a story. maybe that is why she popped into your mind, so that you could write a story based on her.

Ann
Glos