General Chat

I used to smoke about twenty a day, about 29 years ago I stopped. I was diagnosed last year after going for chest x rays and having had anti biotic to try clear up a constant "cold". My chest hurt and was clogged up. Loads better now. It was very frightening when I had the attac and couldn't breath.

I'm sure R moving out will do us all good xx

Oh bless, I lived in two attic rooms in Cambridge many years ago and they were very cold, not much central heating in those days either!
This will be the making of him Carole, and he will learn so much about the way of the world and how to budget and look after himself.

I didn't know you have COPD, were you a smoker? I have to use an inhaler morning and night, but rarely use the daytime one. I am listed as asthmatic, I think it came from all the cleaning products when I used to be houseproud and also had a cleaning job when my son started school.

We just don't know what we do to our bodies, do we?

Hope all goes well with R. He will thrive on the independence.

Lizx

Thanks .........he called in tonight on his way to work. Said his attic room was cold and could we lend him a radiator key. He already seems to be talking to us in a more grown up way.

Hazel I have COPD, I use an inhaler in the morning and at night, been able to go without one during the day so it is under control, no cure though. Hope your sister gets on ok Friday x

Hi Ann

It would be a huge coincidence if it wasn't him. I wonder how long he was in the army for if he left aged 58? I do know the 63rd foot were in America from 1775 to 1782. I am sure he was in there at that time then that means I have another direct rellie who spent time in US. And he was the grandfather of the first one I found went to the US in 1886.

Ben The American lol.

Mary, just reading my christmas cards before re-cycling them one way or another and I see you ask if we are related to Edward Knight Bristol. afraid not, as far as I know anyway.

Interesting Ben, I think you are probably right.

Hi

Happy new year for 2011. I may have found another army ancestor.

William Musgrave married Jane Burn in croft, Yorkshire in May 1786. They had a few children born in the village, including Thomas born 1794 and Stephen born about 1796. By the 1820s the Musgrave family were in the Neesham and Hurworth areas of Durham. Stephen Musgrave married in 1827 and was of Neesham where he remained.

In 1834 a William Musgrave died at Neesham, and in Jan 1837 a Jane Musgrave died, widow also of Neesham. When William died it said he was a retired sergeant half pay 63rd foot. I found a discharge from 1803 for a William Musgrave of the 63rd foot aged 58. So that probably means his wife may have stayed at home when he was in the army. I cannot find any other candidates for my William and Jane. What do you think?

Ben

Hazel, you have been unlucky but please try to stay strong, your sister may have more time than you expect. Let us know how she gets on on Friday.

Carole, my son and I argued a lot when he was in his late teens because of his lack of respect for me and the home, he wouldn't lift a finger to help even tho I was on my own (not living here then but seeing K ) I was heartbroken when he came in and said he had found a room in a shared house, I went along and cleaned it thoroughly for him and gave him a spare wardrobe and some other bits and pieces and said Now you keep it clean, I won't do it again. He stuck it for a couple of years at most, didn't like the landlord walking in when he felt like it etc so managed to get himself a lovely housing association flat and has gone from strength to strength. He has had hurdles, a problem with gambling after he started working at a bookies, but went to GA and got that sorted so he doesn't gamble now, and he has just recarpeted the lounge at long last and done a bit more decorating. We still have our moments but became very close again once we weren't on top of each other all the time.

I am sure R. will be fine and if you let him take his time but just tell him he can always come to you if he needs support or help (not money, you can only loan now and not pay for his rent if he messes up etc) I am sure he will be ok and will learn to relate to you better. Hopefully you will become closer as I did with my son and he will be happier being in charge of his own destiny.

Lizx

Hi havent been on here for awhile

Havent read all relys. sending (((((((HUGS)))))))))))))to all who needs them.

My sister has phoned me to tell me that she has COPD
Chronic obstructive pulnonary disease.

She will finds out Friday how bad it is and how long she has to live.
She had cancer few years ago got through that., Now this i cant believe another bad start to the year yet again

Hazelx

Carole it may well be the making of him. I remember when Puss's son went independant and as far as I know he is doing OK. If he wants to go it alone you wont have his silence to contend with so it may well be better for you all round. Don't worry about not helping him move, let him go it alone and see if he then asks for help.

I hope 2011 will be a better one for you.

Thanks for your helpful words........I know it's not my fault there is nothing more I could do than I already did for him. Today he is moving out. Into a room he is renting. He will have a big wake up . Might show us more respect. Hasn't asked for any help to move, we would help if he needed it. From what he said in a text the other night he wants to show he can look after himself and at 25 we don't expect any other really. It's just the secrecy and lack of communication. He must have been planning to move for a while and it was on facebook a week before he told us he was going. I hope this isn't a sign for how the rest of the year will go. I had enough last year and am still sorting out my Dad's affairs (on paper) my Mum and my auntie who we had to move into a home early last year.Her house is now sold (£46,000) it was in such a poor state!!! But auntie is doing very well, and will be 86 in April. Mum is doing well, but say's how lonely it is on her own. She has gone from having too much to do , to not enough!

Well to all my GR friends I'd like to wish you a good new year full of hope and good health. Thanks for being here xxx

Happy New Year to all who visit this thread, hope we have less disasters, losses and illnesses and more positive things happening for all of us, despite our government causing such hardship for many.

love to all
Lizxx

What Ann said should not just apply to Carol's son.That,I think,should apply to everybody.

What a cracking new year it would be if it did eh.

Happy New Year everybody.

Just to wish you all a safe and happy New Year .
Carole
Sorry to hear about your son .Mine lives with me and I hardly see him !!! It's not that he goes out socially he just stays in his room when he is not at uni .Comes down to collect his food and back up to his room !!! So xmas was a novelty actually sitting with me at the table .He doesn't smoke drink or the other as far as I know so I shouldn't really complain .

cheers all

Kathy xx

A Happy New year to you too Eileen

Carole, it sounds as though, in his world he is happy if he can interact with his friends, they obviously accept him for himself. I think all you can do is accept his foibles, let him choose his own path and don't feel embarrassed on his behalf. His problems are not your fault and people who know you will know that. And if he gave you a hug on one occasion that was his way of telling you he loves you. But Mary has put it so much better than I can. Bless him and bless you. xxx

Wishing everyone a very happy, healthy & peaceful new year.

Sorry for not replying sooner Liz, I did receive a card from you, it was one of the first to arrive. Many thanks for that. Also Mary, thank you for your card an newsy letter.

Hope things work out better for all of us this year.

Eileen x

Mary ...........you always make me smile thank you. Sharron and Ann thank you also,

He is 25, I guess as he has grown up I tried to step back and forgot his problems are not left in the past but still are there. Once he started work
I kind of had to stop telling people to give him any treatment other than you would for anyone else. He is very articulate when he is texting his friends. But hardy says a word to us. .Doesn't like being centre of attention but brings home
Batman and Robin costume, and other dressing up clothes so he has been joining in with his friends. He was always very good at drawing, the finest detail was spotted and drawn. He loves to read, and again he is sat in his room alone. As he is at work as a baker, no customers to interact with. He hates noise but recently went to Wembly to an American football game.. Mary I had a hug off him at my Dads funeral the first for years.



I came on to send best wishes for the new year to our friends in Australia who are already celebrating xxxxxxxx

CaroleI am here to support you. I hear your pain and discomfort. Your son has to find his own space, as much as it may hurt others, chances are it's how he copes. It's not rudeness as much as an inability to cope with the hyperactivity a group setting radiates, so many distractions, increasing as the sheer numbers increase. Much more common than once recognised - some of us can be very outgoing in writing, but in person lose confidence. Of course, with my family experience, I see the comparison with autism, now one of the most visible social disorders - where, in one moment, a hug is offered or received willingly, then in the next moment, one shrinks from the slightest touch. Those of us who love people with these variations of so-called "normal" behaviour, learn to take them "as they are ", to accept the hugs when available and to take a deep breath and step back when closeness is resisted. Speaking personally, it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my precious grandchild would push me away "when I love her so much", to recognise that her momentary rejection could not diminish our bond.
Sorry I didn't intend to make this personal, but my support of you in part emanates from my own experience; I do wonder though if perhaps your son also has depression, it wouldn't be surprising would it. Bless his heart, he must be so frustrated, Feel free to tell him others (on our thread) care if you think it may help.
We're here for you - dear leader of the anxious and depressed - without you, this thread would not exist.
Love and hugs,
Mary

Carol,I understand how it is with your son. I'm not shy or retiring but I avoid gatherings like the plague and, if I have to be at a party,I am the one out the back reading the paper.

There are a lot of convetions to be observed at Christmas dinner with the family, likewise the public opening of presents. A lot of hidden stresses.e

Leave him be a bit.He will sort himself out and he probably loves his presents. Even if he hated them he opened them privately and didn't let anybody be hurt at seeing that he did.

Carole, I have just looked at Dyspraxia on Wkipedia and I see that it can have overlaps with other similar problems such as autism which explains the inability to socialise.

Incidentally my second eldest Grandson has Dysphasia, another one of the group. This is spatial awareness and affects his ability to write clearly and draw but fortunately not his social ability.

It must be difficult for you the family but I guess it is not all his fault.