Genealogy Chat

Snap.....!

That is exactly what I do.

In all truth IGP, I normally do reply asking for more information from them........apart from that once when my mischievous mood overtook me lol.

I reply, addressing them by their name (or alias if that's all that's available), asking which Joe Brown in particular they are enquiring about, (I may have more than one in my tree), and any other questions I feel applicable to determine whether their Joe Brown is actually related to my tree or not, before giving out the info about who he married.

And then I *sign* it with my name.......so that hopefully they will address me by it if they can be bothered to come back!

If it's someone just fishing for info, they won't. If it's a genuine query they will.

Mary

If I get a message which says ""who did Joe Brown marry"" I answer it. I don't send a sarcy reply or bin it. For all you know this is just the connection you may be have looking for.

My reply is polite, courteous and answers the question. What happens after that is up to the other member.

Contrary Mary, I do so agree with you. So why do so many people rush to give them the I information they require???
Julia in Derbyshire

I haven't looked so have no idea which ones they are Julia ;-))

But going back to the first post on this thread......I look at it this way.

If I received a letter in the post which contained one sheet of paper with just the words "who did Joe Brown marry" written on it and nothing else, no *hello*, no name to reply to, just a return address. Would I really be expected to get a sheet of paper, write down the information required, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on the envelope and then walk to the post box to post the letter.......all without even knowing, who I am giving the information to nor why they want it???

No, I didn't think so!! So why do people do exactly that when they send a message to me through GR and think I'm going to give them the info???

Mary

Edit to add: I did once reply to someone who just asked "do you know who Joe Brown married" - "yes I do thank you". :-)))

Well, I have just seen two postings, one on Chat, one on TTF, and I would not give them one bit of information, even if I could. The serious lack of manners is totally appalling.
Julia in Derbyshire

Yesterday I received a reply to a message I sent out to someone to advise them that they had received replies. It stated:


"Thanks Cynthia, but it was only an automated reply from GR letting me know that it was an old post I had replied to."


So I now have Flick down as a robot!!

Cx.

Thanks ladies for your replies. Yes, I should have done the old C&P, but I did not have time before I was on one of my 'journey's'. It is only now, that I had gone back to that particular piece of research, I could see that all the answers, once give, had now been deleted.
Many thanks
Julia in Derbyshire

Hi Julia

I'm sure in 99.99999999% of cases it is just the researcher having a clearout.........and as you had thanked everyone then in your case it must only be for that reason.

Now I must remember to c&p the replies to my queries before they're all gone! LOL

Mary

Good Afternoon Mary,
I think it must be your first explanation, because I answered and thanked each and every one of their posts.
Thanks
Julia in Derbyshire

PS Daff, The person is still dealing with people's queries, I saw them only the other day, on TTF, but thanks for the explanation.

Julia, if it is someone who has deleted their account, rather than just someone who has let paid membership lapse, then once the account is deleted, so is all record of that person, including posts on the boards, pm's etc.... I had it happen to me.......

*grins and waves at the lovely person who did that without realising that would happen and all her hours of searching for my dead rellie would be swallowed up in cyberspace, cos she is back on now, lol*

Love

Daff xxx

Edit: Yes Cynthia, that is it... all are forms of rudeness, or can be... although some could be infamiliarity, new to the boards, etc etc... so I think different ways of being or perceiving, discourtesy have been explored, lol

Love

Daff xxxx

Julia, i think some people do tend to delete all their posts after a certain amount of time, annoying though it is, simply because they like to keep their 'my threads' list to a minimum.

I can see a certain sense in that because I don't do it myself and have a page a day or so to trawl through if i want to find something ( I only 'bookmark' 'special' things :))

xx

I quite understand what you are saying Julia. I can only think that some researchers delete in order to keep their My Threads box tidy. Maybe they just do not like pages of threads in which they have no further interest but it really isn't very fair on the new poster who may not have thought to copy things down and assumed they could pop back at any time to check things out. I was like that at first.....we all learn. Unfortunately, there are those who will delete if the work is not acknowledged within a certain time limit.

Are we, perhaps, looking at different forms of response/non response on here?

There are the pms sent/received in connection with our personal trees. If we send a message regarding a possible connection to our family and it isn't opened, then we have to accept the fact that the person is not viewing their mail for whatever reason, and we move on. If, however, the mail is opened but not replied to, there is not a lot we can do about it. The person is not interested in any further contact, however frustrating that is to us and so we move on again.

For those of us who receive unsolicited mail re our family tree, it is surely up to each one of us how we reply depending on how the query is phrased. I tend to be polite in all circumstances however bizarre.


However, the threads are a different ballgame. There are new members who post a query, suss out how to reply and sail ahead.

Then, there are those who post a query, expect GR to alert them and fail to return. On being advised of how things work, they are extremely grateful.

Of course, we will always be harrassed with those who post, know full well how to reply but for whatever reason, never acknowledge the work done for them.

The world will never be free of those who are rude, ignorant and utterly charmless unfortunately.

Hi Julia

There a probably more than a couple of answers to your question, but here are 2 possibles. :-)))

1. The researcher has decided to try and clear out some of the contents of their *My Threads*. The only way (that I know of anyway) to do so is by deleting their posts on threads. They probably have assumed that the thread poster has had enough time to see the info they've posted, so won't be a problem.

2. They have had a fit of pique that the thread poster hasn't replied on the thread acknowledging the info found ;-)))

In most cases I'm sure it's the first reason.

Mary

Edit: I'm sure *fit of pique* isn't really the best description - but you get my meaning :-))

What I cannot understand is this, and I know many will disagree with me, but I have not put it up to cause a disagreement, just perhaps to get an explanation, why this happens.
Last October, I put up a query about a relly on, I think, the TTF Board. A person, who answers alot of people's queries, very kindly took up this challenge.
For the last couple of years, I have spent more time in hospital than out, and having to go at a moments notice, although the researcher obviously did not know this. It was during one of these spells, that I received some very fruitful answers, to which I replied and gave my thanks.
Today, I wanted to look again, at the information I was given. All the information had been deleted by the researcher. Why?. After going to all the trouble to research on my behalf, why delete it. For what purpose.
I am rather perplexed at this.
This is posted in all honesty, and not to cause any trouble.
Julia in Derbyshire

IGP, yes. it looks as though I was referring to Missy and this thread as being rude, when I am not... she is quite right, there are many rude people about.

My post was about a different type of rudeness, the threads from people almost demanding that they have a right of reply from others... and I was explaining some of the occasions when others may not be able to reply.

But it wasn't aimed at this thread by Missy at all. The deleted posts do take away some of the relevence of my posts as well.

I tend to just add extra, with a note that I am editing, rather than leave a blank post... unless I have double posted, then I explain so. That is common courtesy, after all.

Love

Daff xxxx

Love

Daff xxxx

Mary, when I posted my original comment Yesterday at 09:53 the thread did make reference to people not replying to posts, which is why I made mention to Daffs thread on the other board.

On reading through it again this morning it appears that there have been some mysterious editing of comments & postings somewhere along the way.....!

Kay, I have indeed replied directly to the person asking me for information using the advice given to me by earlier posters.

I posted my initial message because I have become exasperated by the way some people make contact with me.

I am always civil to everybody, when making contact with them or responding to their messages. I suppose I was letting off steam about my experience, enlisting support from like minded people and also POLITELY requesting that when people ask for help they should do so in a well-mannered way.


Chris

Sorry but why Miss the poster dont tell her contact privatly direct by pm instead of posting a thread about it, tell the person you expect a more polite request.

I agree please and thank you should be the easiest thing in the world for everyone. As I put dinner on the table my 21 year old son thanked me. This made me think yes he always says please and thank when asking for and receiving and it put me in mind of an incident which happened when he was at school.

I had been called into the office because my 11 year old was swearing in school. To say I was shocked was an understatement but the teacher then told me she knew that there was no swearing at home because he swore in the wrong places and was trying to fit in. She said you can tell the ones who hear it all the time because of the way they speak on an every day basis. Yes please and thank you' s should be said when asking for or receiving from others but what if some have not been taught it at their mother's knee? What if some have not been brought up to be polite, is it really our place to criticise and to teach good manners on these boards.

Maybe the answer is not to respond with the information requested with a hope that they look at threads that do get responses and learn that you must be polite to get help