Genealogy Chat

Hi, can anyone tell me please - know all you lot will have looked at this before!!

If someone was not christened CofE can they actually get married in CofE church please? Actually the person in question wasn't christened at all - I'm talking about a birth in the early 1980s and thinking of getting married this year.

The prospective in-laws reckcon she can't marry him in church unless he gets christened in the CofE faith. This is something he doesn't want to do, so my question is does he have to?

Also, they have a child together can she be christened without him having to get christened first? Prospective in-laws say no, but I disagree - but then again I always do!

Help needed please

I don't know the answer as I am not christened and didn't marry in a church....but one of my aunts married in a RC church and she wasn't christened at all.

I suppose it all depends on the vicar

Hi Flip.
As far as I am aware, a person does not have to be christened to get married in church. I am not sure about the christening part but think the child can be christened without dad being christened. :-)

When my daughter had a baby last year she kept on about getting her christened....I said why? and she said ' well I have, dad said so'

Ummm I think I would know if my children were christened seeing as he hadn't been to one for 40 years and she is 22, did he think I had done it without him :-D

No, he does not need to be christened. Or, at least, I know lots who have married in C of E without being christened.

Churches were much stricter in the past, but are far more open nowadays. (Which may be what the inlaws remember)
However, there may be some vicars who will not do it, so check.

Why do they want the child christened if he is not....?

Thanks all for the input it's good to have other opinions.

Pat it's to keep the peace with the inlaws...... !

Tell the person concerned to ask the Vicar

Our son isn't christened in any faith/denomination. His fiancée is a baptised but non-practising RC. (well, Midnight Mass but that's about it) They are getting married later this year in a CoE church as it was easier than arranging it for an RC one.

So yes - the couple can be married in a CoE church even if they aren't baptised into that faith.

As for having their child baptised - my OH isn't but I am. Our eldest was baptised, the son wasn't - other things got in the way. However, I had asked the local Rector if it was possible. He said that as long as OH didn't join in with the promises that the service includes, that would be OK.

Cyns would probably be able to give you the current advice about baptisms,

It depends on the Vicar. My elder son, baptised C/E but a non church-goer, was told he could only get married in his parish church if he attended a service at least once a month for 6 months!!

When arranging younger son's baptism I was told that my sister, a devout Christian but not baptised C/E, couldn't be a godparent! :-0 :-0

Elder son did as asked and younger was baptised elsewhere.

Cyns has been busy......but am here now.

Hi Flip,

No, you don't have to be baptised to be married in a C. of E. church. I would suggest that you take a look at this link and give the inlaws the facts - straight from the horse's mouth so to speak


http://www.yourchurchwedding.org/


Gives you all you need to know.......and more :-D


As for baptism, neither of the parents need to be baptised but the Godparents DO!

Again, the information is on the C. of E. website.


Happy days.......would love to see the reaction when they are faced with the facts ;-)


Cx :-)

It is my understanding that one of the benefits/penalties of being the established church in England is that the church has to marry pretty much anybody.
However, I think individual vicars also have some rights, too, and they can refuse to officiate. In this case I would ask another vicar, opr contact his bishop for advice.

Here's the C of E website:
http://www.churchofengland.org/

Regarding marriage, they explicitly say you don't have to be baptized.
http://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals.aspx
Today more than a quarter of all marriages in England between a man and a woman take place in the traditional setting of a Church of England church. You're welcome to marry in church whatever your beliefs, whether or not you are baptised and whether or not you go to church.

They don't say abt baptismal status of the parents of kids being baptized, but I doubt it's a requirement.
Ask your vicar if he'ld do it under your circumstances. In the (unlikely?) event he says no, ask him if he knows another parish who would.

http://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/baptism.aspx
Baptism for babies and children takes place in a service often called a Christening. In this service parents thank God for his gift of life, make a decision to start their child on a journey of faith and godparents promise help and support. The church also promises to welcome the child and to pray for the family.

i married in church and i wasnt christened

I have never been asked to be a God parent but my husband was but declined.....had I been asked as well would I have had to prove I was christened or do they just take your word for it?

When my grandson was christened, the vicar asked that both his mum and her sister, one of the godparents, were done at the same time. I think a lot depends on the vicar though.

Marriage is different altogether as the requirements are dictated by law so those performing marriages can't specify their own conditions. An exception to this was the recent same sex marriage legislation where, because of dissent from certain religious bodies, the legislation was drawn up in a manner which prohibits the Church of England from performing same-sex weddings, and allows other religious organisations to refuse to perform them too.

All this is really helpful, many thanks to you all :-D

Cyns I don't think I'll be pointing it out to the in-laws though it'll just cause more problems, but at least I can give my son some facts. As for asking the vicar Reggie, he's a personal friend of the in-laws (even though they never set foot in church), so I don't think my son will be going there!

Oh well, the in-laws married at the church, their children were christened there and they want their granddaughter christened there too - so we'll have to see what the vicar says. I did suggest thinking about a naming ceremony but that is not acceptable, even though I suspect they only want a christening to show off to friends & family and have a party ;-) Ditto for the wedding.

But then again, I'm rather cynical :-D

Cheers all, great response as usual!

The link I posted is an offshoot from the official C. of E. website.

As the state church, the C. of E. is available to everyone, but there are still certain criteria to fulfil. The whole banns thing has altered tremendously in the last few years.

Just wondering why, if he doesn't want to be baptised into the Christian faith, he is happy to take the Christian vows?

I have just returned from leading baptism preparation classes and, it's a fairly regular occurrence for one of the Godparents to be baptised before the baptism of the child.

Vicars come in all types.......some are more lenient than others but, having said that, they should all really follow the official church guidelines as they swear obedience when they are ordained.

It's complicated Cyns, the prospective god parents are baptised, as is the mother - it's just the father who isn't and doesn't want to be - although he's a christian.

As such he'll baptise his child & marry his partner in church as that is what she wants - so long as the vicar agrees! It's just the in-laws (well actually future m-i-l) who are trying to dictate that he needs to be baptised first :-(

These things happen Flip and it would be wrong to force him into something he obviously isn't happy with.

As baptism is a necessary part of the Christian faith - the beginning of the Christian journey in fact - it should be undertaken with a spirit of willingness and hope.

Hope it all works out well. x

My 48 yr old son gets married in a C of E Church in December. He wasn't christened and has no faith, it is also his first marriage. His fiancée is a lapsed RC! The rules seem to have been relaxed recently and I am sure, as others have said, it is largely in the hands of the Vicar.

The question of having their child baptised won't come in to it as they are very unlikely to have any.

Mother of the Groom :-)

Yes JayADee, the banns are now very flexible indeed. Whilst vicars can be lenient to a degree, they are still bound by some restrictions and have to stay within the law.

I guess you must be very excited. :-)