Genealogy Chat

there are some rude people out there, dont let them wind you up. I sent some one a query about a person they had on there tree and all I got was a message back asking to see my tree, TWICE!!! no hello no have you got any other info to confirm details just can I see your tree! Rude Rude Rude! having a rant does help though, but im not sure the guilty rude people would read such a thread!

I agree with everything that has been said. I'm very fortunate that this has not yet happened to me. Where someone has a proven close connection I offer to email them an extract of my offline tree, either as a GEDCOM or an ancestors or descendants report. That way if they are serious they'll give me their email address. Even though I have 2000-plus names in my tree, very few enquiries get to this intimate stage. Those that do, end up being mutually beneficial. A win-win result is satisfying all round. Like Sue, I have a 'meaningful relationship' with for example a person who is related to my wife's great-aunt's second husband, and with people with whom I share a distant great-grandparent. John

Susan, I agree, I have a thousands of people in my tree wouldn't feel comfortable with allowing someone just to see a name, because, frankly that is all I could offer them. I have no information on them and when I gave him what I had he agreed and said it was fine a few weeks ago. I disagree, Peter, though I do see where you are coming from. I liken my tree to other personal information you wouldn't flash about in the street. As far as I'm concerned I was willing to give him all I had, but told him, because of his attitude, I wasn't going to. But what really infuriates me is that I spent alot of time telling him all I could offer was a name, loose year of birth and a county of birth. That was all the info I had on this person and it wasn't enough to let him view my tree. Therefore I see his tirade at my more hurtful.

I reiterate, I think it is a question of what you feel comfortable with. If you do not want to let someone see your tree then fine, your choice. Kirsten said that the person had no right to see her tree. I disagree with that statement. This person has no more nor less rights that anyone else to see her tree. More to the point, Kirsten has the right not to let this person see her tree, because this is the choice she has made. Lets not be too quick to condemn people asking to see our information. Thats what the site is all about, so don't loose sight of that. You have the right to say yes, or no, .to any request, and as I said earlier, rudeness is not tollerated on GR.

I also only open my tree to people who share a considerable number of ancestors with me. It's a large tree and most of it would be useless to others. I do occasionally add in the parents of spouses or go down to children of siblings simply because that can lead to new contacts who may be researching some of the same branches. At the moment I am in contact with someone whose 2x great aunt married my 2x great uncle. We are not related to each other but we are trying to help each other find the descendants of this couple who would be related to both of us. If we find any descendants then we both have ancestries going quite a way back which we'd like to share with them. I don't consider I own any of my tree.......although there are branches which I think I am probably the first person to have researched and I spent many many hours doing so in my local records office, I believe the stories I've uncovered belong to any descendant. I've gained information from others about some parts of my tree and I am happy to share what I know about the parts I have discovered. I did however recently ask a contact to remove me and my living father from his tree (this request surprised him) and I have altered my tree so all living people are not named. Sue

I also get messages from people who go 'We might have a connection, let me view your tree and we'll see' - I often search the site for their entry for the same name they contacted me for - 9 times out of ten they were born in a totally different place to mine (which is another pet peeve of mine - flipping check the place name before contacting someone!!) and I just go - well yours are from so and so which is not where mine are from so - sorry no connection - and I leave it like that!

Stick by your guns. I had a query on another site where someone asked me to open my tree as they 'might' be related. I emailed back asking where their ancestors came from and why did they think there was a connection. I never received a reply!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone, thank you for replying and sorry I couldn't reply sooner. I sent him a message saying he wasn't a relation and therefore has no right to see my tree. It's one name and they married into my tree. I haven't reported him, but will do if he gets nastier. I was more upset that he said I was in the wrong 'game' and 'sitting on information'. I haven't done alot of hard work just to be told that. Thank you for all your replies. I feel alot better. Kirsten

Peter I think you got the wrong end of the stick. What I meant by names and dates is not that they are not real people, but the fact that they have no real relevance to anybody other than your own family. Although people find connections, it is usually so distant that they have no real reason to need your names. Julie

I think the rudeness was horrible. However I have a lot of family who were coal miners in Somerset and the community seems to have been very tight knit. If people share their trees I can often see extra connections between the families often going back several generations. I record the parents of spouses for the same reason. I am interested in family history not current affairs so stop at about 1930. It is up to you whether you want to share your tree and who with. I keep a version of my tree on here that I am prepared to share. I Anne

I actually enjoy looking at trees - they not just a load of names and dates - they are real people, past and present. All the better if I can relate to them, however distant. That is not to say I then want to proceede to copy all the details.

I do not understand the reasoning for looking at someone elses tree. It seems to me that most people are happy to helpout on any brick walls we hit. Surely looking at someones elses tree is just a lot names and dates. I think the whole buzz you get from family research is finding the person for your self. I always thought the reason for having your tree on here was just to be able to match with any name you have come to a halt with. Most of the time you have to go back a few generations to be connected anyway, so the whole of your tree is totally useless to other people. I personally just keep a few basic names on here and the rest on a different software package which I am quite happy for true decendants to view. Julie

I often get contacted regarding very distant members of my tree - often people who married into my family. Most of the time I hardly know anything about them and so I just reply saying 'I dont really know anything about this person but I do know that they married blah de blah and had this many children' type thing. Sometimes they reply asking for access to my tree and I usually say no and explain that viewing my tree would not give them anymore information than I just gave them. I am quite happy to open my tree to people whose 'match' to me shares the same nth times great grandparents to me, as there is a common ancestor. I often also get contacted by people - often newbies - who think they have a match but the match was born in a totally different place. I once decided to help out a chap who did this and looked up his rellie and dug out a load of information and sent it to him - explaining there was no connection to my family and he still sent me a 'can I view your tree' message. I quickly replied and reiterated that there was no connection at all to my family. He never even said thank you for all the help I had given him. I do get frustrated when there are people on the site who wont let me see their tree when they have a direct ancestor of mine on their tree - one man said he didn't want me copying his living relatives - I said I would never do that without permission and he still wouldn't let me view it. He even has his tree on Ancestry - but its not open for anyone else but himself to view - and it upsets me as he has details of my grandmothers siblings who died in infancy - which he never asked if I was ok with him having on his tree. He is only related to my grandmothers fathers brother. But I would never barrage anyone with abuse and demand access to their tree. At the end of the day one of the main points about this site is the sharing of information, to find others who share relatives with you who you can help or they can help you. My cousin uses this site and we opened our trees up to each other, she is mainly interested in her fathers side, but was bowled over to see how much I had found about our side of the family. I wouldn't mind at all if she copied anything from my tree - obviously it would be a bit weird if she started copying my partners tree though!!

Everyone has the right to do as they please. I'm quite happy to share my information with others. In fact by sharing my info with another 'branch' of the family I was given much more info about my direct line that I would probably still be struggling to find to this day. But each to their own as I say.

If you were witholding information, it would be a different matter...........but, as you have clearly given this person all you know, just ignore him. Reg

If someone has been genuinely rude (as in actually abusive) then I would report them and then block/delete/ignore them. However, before you do report them, read through what they have said one last time and make sure they are not simply making their point. If they are, but in an abusive way, then continue and report it. It may just be that the written word can sound more abrupt than how they meant it. I also don't support this person if they have been abusive, just saying be careful that you are not over reacting (I mean that in an understanding way, not as an accusation - only you know what this person has truly said). I only open my tree to people once I am sure we have a positive connection. As has already been stated, we all have different views on how much information we want to share. Personally (and this is only my own choice) I find the 'living relation' part to be really annoying. I can understand people's right to privacy, and would never disrespect that. If I ever had anyone's details on my tree and they asked me to remove them, then I would do so without question. What I object to is people who stamp in with all barrels blazing demanding left right and centre and throwing obscenities in between each word. It makes you wonder why these people have bothered to come here in the first place. I see it as a place to share information, and once I am certain that there is a positive close connection, then I open my tree and tell them they are welcome to copy over any relevant information to their own tree. What narks me is when you access someone else's tree only to find they only have themselves on there and hold all the other information off somewhere else, so they are gathering information but not sharing it in return which is unfair. The last thing that I feel compelled to moan about is those who discover you have one certain surname in your tree, then send you a mail demanding that you contact them by direct email and give them all the info you have - then keep chasing you asking why you haven't responded when they have 'taken so much trouble to contact you'. I simply ignore them, as they are only here to gather not to share. [gets down off soap box and frees it up for the next person ;o) ]

Hi Kirsten, I think you did the right thing. When I first started I let someone view my tree, they had a very distant link, the next thing I knew my whole tree was on here, which had no connection to theirs. Now I just give information on the person they are interested in never the whole tree. Call me mean if you like, but I've spent a lot of time and money on my efforts and for someone to come along and just take it as their own annoys me, and why do they want people who they have no connection to whatsoever? As for rudeness there is no excuse for that, I wouldn't hesitate to report them. Sue

His behaviour simply proves that you are right in witholding information from him. Access to your tree could allow him to contact other people and be equally abusive to them. Access to somebody's tree is a privelege, not a right, and GR are wise in setting up a system that allows treeholders to exercise judgement in this matter. USEFUL TIP: When somebody upsets me, I try to imagine them sitting on the toilet. That way they don't seem so important any more.

Kirsten No you are not in the wrong. I don't give permission for my tree, but what I do is just the same as you let them have the relevent info from my PAF about the people that are related. Sue.......

How rude!! You didn't deserve that, Kirsten. I would report him. hugs to you XXX