General Chat

Hayley - teacher is talking, teacher is well-practised (and well-lubricated as just come back from pub).

Now, I'll get to you in a minute.

Jill

Val in Kent.

Yes, I agree with you, everyone in Kent is perfectly charming (except for that fat chap in a silver motor who cut me up on the M2 this morning - he's not charming he's something that rhymes with a banker).

Lindsey - Keith is perfectly capable of writing his name down three times. In fact, more like 15 times if you ask me.

Keith - form an orderly queue.

Lindsey - please consider joining the class. You might need a teeny weeny bit of help.

Sally - I was going to award you a merit, but coughing and spluttering are definitely no go.

Back of the class.

Detention.

Silence during OH's next programme. In fact, go so far as to make him a really lovely cup of tea and provide 2 biscuits. That will make him suspicious - in fact, he might even become slightly odd, in which case you will have control of the remote. Suggest you time this event to coincide with something you want to watch on the other channel. Easy peasy.

But...but... whoops nearly forgot *puts hand up*

DERMOT!!!!

Sit there. Read this book, do these sums, colour in this map (do not pick your nose or your head will cave in) and listen very carefully ...

Yes T-M?

Hayley, are you paying attention?

Please can you tell me how I can look and act charming tomorrow with this haircut?

Tina, it's all in the attitude.

I once worked with a woman who wore a full-length cream coat to work. I said to her "No way could I wear that it would be a real dirt magnet for me. How do you keep it clean?" She said - this is a true story - "It's probably not that clean if you look closely but I always act as if it's clean."

Your haircut is perfect. You will be charming tomorrow and if anyone smirks then slap them. Well, maybe not physically, but picture yourself slapping them. This will automatically give you a superior look followed by a grin and will un-nerve them.

No problem. Go girl!

Well,thank you...:o))))

*spreads the word*

fantastic teacher

Why thank you.

Simpers, takes quiet bow, slips off for quick smoke before bed.

Class will resume tomorrow people.

Please leave questions here - do not forget to raise hand first. Don't all talk at once.

Madam Charm signing off for the evening.

*aspirations to become teachers pet*

Night night x

Charm School is open for the Saturday session.

One is going out for lunch and have a problem... could you please help me?

When one spills soup down ones front, what is the correct way to clean it.

should one scoop it off ones jumper with a soup spoon.... or 'rub it in with ones napkin?

Worried from Northants.....

Deanna X

n... important... please answer soon...;-0(

Deanna X

is it chunky or clear soup?

I have not chosen it yet.

Deanna

Scrape it off with the spoon. Rubbing it in with the napkin will only make a mess.

If you are prone to spilling soup down your front consider:

a) Ordering something other than soup.

b) Tucking your napkin into your neckline until you have finished the soup.

c) Ignore both (a) and (b) and instead, instruct your dining companion to say, very loudly, at the spillage moment "I do apologise for my companion everyone - matron only allows her out once a week and her social skills need more practice". It is of course important that dining companion keeps a straight face.

Have a lovely lunch.

Really SRS 007.5 - you are only confusing the matter.

Deanna - on no account order chunky soup - the splatter factor does not bear thinking about!