General Chat

Sharron - more power to your elbow, Batman!!
I think you did the right thing - in the end it probably won't affect her. She has no feelings for anyone but herself. In her mind you possibly don't exist now, and she'll convince herself she never overheard you!

The important thing is YOU. You made a stand. You decided you really didn't want to talk to her - that is your choice, and you are allowed to make it - without feeling bad.
The fact that you are now feeling bad should make you feel good - you're better than her, and you've proved you're not narcissistic :-D

Sharron I too would not wish other children to suffer the same.

I think you were right to confront her. Took me nearly 60 yrs to confront my mother and then it was only a few incidents - she a) said it was my imagination; b) she denied she had done anything like that, that I had a happy childhood and c) finally admitted I was telling the truth.

We never spoke again. My shoulders were so much lighter.

No,but I am trying to be a super hero.

Now that I have a pretty good understanding of what and why I am trying to turn the negative into a positive to try to save other children from what I and so many others suffered as children.

That's great to read Sharron. I was concerned that you might still be under the cloak of oppression.

It seems to me that we have done the exact same thing.

I have had a lot of hypnotherapy which only really loosened the knots a bit but it did enable me to start to confront a lot of the things I had suppressed and to become more tolerant of what I thought were weaknesses in myself which I now realize are just normal human traits.

One thing I realized was that I had never been able to relax, was never allowed to as a child or teenager because everything was my fault and I needed to spend more time and assert more energy to rectify the situation.

It is only in very recent years that I have ever relaxed and can't believe how pleasant it is and how different I feel fordoing so.

My cousin would have made her son feel that way and to have so many more unpleasant emotions.

Monday's event was like we were all supporting him at last and banishing the perpetrator of the evil.

I don't have a burden Sharron. When the realisation that I had been suppressed all my life dawned on me, I found my tongue and didn't stop talking for quite a while. I amazed myself at what came out of the archives of my mind.
When I talk of forgetting without forgiving I'm referring to historic actions that cannot be changed and are inexcusable. I buried those incidents for years but finally got 'em out in the open. I can't live with that crap on my shoulders so, with the help of my wonderful fella - who had no clue until the 'floodgate' opened - I've banished horrors from my life ie 'I've forgotten'. They can't touch me now.

It's early days for you, having just lost Fred, but you will get a happy life. Don't let hangers on get to you, enjoy your life now that it is your own.

Sorry Island.

I think we must just be handling our burden in different ways.

None of your ideas are disagreeable to me and I would very much like to discuss them with you.

There are so many of us carrying these horrible memories and feelings and we each have our own methods of dispelling or living around them. Nothing but good can come from us sharing our perspectives.

I felt that we, as the last few who saw it happening, were showing her son the support he so desperately needed all his life.

OK Sharron. Whatever. As someone who grew up with guilt thrust upon them I thought we might just have some mutual understanding.
It seems my efforts are disagreeable to you. Tough!

Just thought I would mention that I have spoken to other members of the family who were there and witnessed the event, none of whom went after her to support her I might say, and I get the feeling that I did what they had all wanted to do.

I did it for him and I am glad.

It gave me no pleasure to hurt anybody but I have carried the memory of her wickedness with me for a long time.

As for forgetting. Isn't that what she was hoping for?

Narcissists have a very selective memory. She has probably decided it never happened.

well it is good that you have done that Sharron, but i still think you need to be kind to yourself for a while after all that has happened lately..x

Sharron, you don't have to forgive to forget.

I am not upsetting myself Stella and you can bet she is smarting.

From what I have read, a lot of narcissistic behaviour is a way of protecting the image they try to project of themselves to hide their own loathsome self-image.

I think I am probably trying to look at what I did.

It was something I had wanted to do since I was forced, as a helpless child myself, to watch her despicable behaviour toward her son.

It was so much better that I was able to be with him when it happened.

In fact, I have released some loathing I have carried within me for over fifty years!

Sharron, please be kind to yourself and put all this behind you..you did what you thought was right at the time and usually someone's first gut instinct is right.

While you are upsetting yourself she is probably not giving you another thought,so let it go and think lovely positive thoughts about the future..

xxx <3

I can't pull that one. She heard me telling her son I wasn't going to talk to her.

I am pleased she knew I meant it but she could not understand why.

It's hard to work the room at a funeral.

You always end up saying "I didn't get round to speaking to so and so"

I've been off the computer for a couple of days and am just catching up.

Sharron - Please do not let your relation upset you any further. You did what you felt was right. But just now you are a downer after all the work you did both For Fred and For his funeral.
Time is now yours to regroup and gather yourself for what is really a new life and for the fight for your home. This is what the money was for - to help you through this period by giving you a well deserved break. We appreciate that you don't feel ready because of the housing issues. But instead of worrying about others enjoy researching where you could go - it could be fun.

I keep feeling remorseful this morning and thinking I should apologize and then I think how remorseful and apologetic she was to that little boy!

Thanks Island. It is always good to have as many perspectives as possible.

She never thought to acknowledge me at our uncle's funeral so I think she might have been wanting to muscle in on the action, so to speak.

I was glad I was with the son when it happened so that I was showing my solidarity with him rather than have confronted her at his funeral.

Sharron,
Please don't pull your self apart for that horrible woman

You were so right in what you did, <3 <3 <3 <3