General Chat

It seems that many young women of today still want to assume their husband's name. We've attended 3 marriages either of relatives, or the daughters of close friends, all of whom became Mrs (husband's name).

One of the husbands even suggested taking hers, or double-barrelling it. And to think we burnt our bras (mentally if not literally!) on their behalf.

All 3 young women have University Degrees and careers (as opposed to jobs). There's still a long way to go.
.............

Although it was a financial struggle at times, when the children were young I was by choice the stay-at-home mum and care-giver. OH certainly didn't pressurise me to do so, nor object when I went back to work. He may have been influenced by his mother; she was in paid work for most of her life.

Why can't boys change their names? :-S Anybody can change their name.

I know of two men who took the womans name.

I am the last one in my genealogical line,there are no males to carry on my maiden name.
If i had realized this would happen then i would have kept my maiden name when i married , then my son could have carried it on.

I could not wait to get rid of my maiden name it was very common not that I am a snob at least us girls can change our names unlike the boys, I don't know any man that have taken the wife's name on marriage because of any boys they might have carrying on the name

I am Ms and always have been.

I never did like the idea of having a different prefix, as if my marital status was the business of anybody but myself.

It is not as if single men are called Master.

Well when i married in 1993, i too had the word "obey "removed as i made it clear then he didnt own me, couldnt own me and never would. It raised a few eyebrows up here but i stood my ground. Im also known as Mrs( my initial) and his surname not by Mrs (his initial )and surname which some do.

I actually wanted to keep my name but by the time decided to do it, it was too late.

But its never too late to change it back!

Florence
in the hebrides ;-) :-)

I have a British friend who in spite of living in Germany for over 34 years when marrying a German - he took her surname- she said he preferred hers to his surname.

As for the title of 'Mrs' I have always been proud to be known as my husband's OH. What does bug me is Ms.

I don't know any couples where the man has taken the wife's name, though I am sure there are some, but I know a lot of couples in all age groups where the wife has kept her own name.

Island, why do you think that taking the man's name means you "start life as the little woman". I've never felt the least bit subservient to my husband though I use his name. Surely it's your attitude to each other that matters, not which name you are known by.

52 years ago when people seldom made any changes to the traditional marriage service I did cause a bit of shock/horror amongst the traditionalists in my family when, with the full support of my then fiancé, I had the word "Obey" removed from the vows I made. Promising obedience to your husband always seemed to me to be far more contentious than a change of name.

'Britain has now the highest percentage of inter-racial marriages in the world'.

Assimilation may have caused a shift in some opinions.

When my sister got married she was known by colleagues all over the UK as Miss Owl so it was easier for her to keep her own maiden name. My mother did take my fathers but then she didn't like her own. My other half and I never married so I have never had another name other than one I was born with.

I married DH when I was 36.

We had to travel a lot with his job, some countries would not accept us as a married couple unless we had the same surname.

I use his surname, it makes life easier......... doesn't bother me, I know who I am.

:-)

A young relative of ours (married to a nephew) wouldn't take his name when they married. A couple of years later, she had a big argument with her father, so stopped using his surname & changed her name by deedpoll, to her mother's maiden name. Sure enough, she had an argument with her mother............. I think she now uses her maternal grandmother's maiden name. :-S

Any man with that attitude wouldn't have survived one date, let alone marriage!

I am a Mrs MyName :-D :-D - his was far too common ;-)

No-one wants to take up my point of the vast majority of women automatically becoming Mrs His Name?

Women are not legally bound to take the mans surname.

Why don't more couples become Mrs and Mr HER Name?

Why start marriage as the little woman and then complain about his attitude later in life? :-S

Your ex's view was enshrined in law until the 'Married Woman's Property Act' of the late 19C.

Until then a married couple were one person and that person was the husband.

As for working, when I had far too much work and was struggling to get it all done to deadline I dreamed of not having to go out to work.

Then, without warning, I became a carer and didn't have to go to work. Stir crazy or what!

I'd have gone crazy without a career. My brain began to turn to mush after 8 months not working, so I taught adults at night school until our son started school then I went back to work, part time at first.

It costs a fortune to educate our children, what a waste of a valuable resource if half of them are treated like latter day skivvies and confined to the kitchen.

I dislike housework so I pay someone else to do it. She's a neat freak and loves it and the money she earns helps provide for her children because her ex sure as hell doesn't.

that would have been my father's attitude

My mother got a job when my youngest brother started High School. Dad waited for a few months, then told Mum "I've worked out how much you earn, so I've deducted it from your ( !! ) housekeeping".

Mum finally saw the light and left him a couple of years later. Dad died a miserable, lonely old man....... he had nothing to do with his children, or his sister...... his choice, not ours.

My missis didn't need to work, but she did, when she needed to......in fact her early wages helped buy our first car........I preferred her to look after the children, and the home...........fortunately I earned enough money for her NOT to have to work, outside of the home.......we must have been doing something right, for 55 years........

Bob

My ex son in law once said to me a womans place is behind the kitchen sink and my mother had five of us and your daughter is going to have five children, she had three, one night I was waiting for a bus who should walking towards me holding hands with this young girl but son in law daughter saw sence and got rid

I enjoyed not going out to work when my children were small - but as we lived in the middle of nowhere, and I don't drive, working was a bit difficult! I also breastfed my children, which saved money!!
I spent my days nurturing the baby growing veg, dealing with the ducks (both veg and ducks were food) and, if any decorating needed doing - I'd do it!
Ex realised he couldn't put up wallpaper and got bored painting, so, at weekends he used to look after the children and cook meals while I did the fiddly decorating (that I couldn't do with the children around) :-D
I also did any electricals and other DIY jobs - like put up shelves.
He cut the hedges, as he liked them very precise.
Car maintenance - we both did it. We'd change the gearbox one year and the engine the next, of our old Morris. I used to clean the gasket as well.
He cleaned the oven.
Pretty much a partnership, each doing what they were best at/disliked least.

The opening post was the sort of thing my Ex would say. You didn't marry him after I walked out on him did you Tawny :-0. He was an arrogant nasty, vicious controlling brute to boot . :-P :-P :-P :-P. New hubby the complete opposite I am glad to say