General Chat

Oops Florence I love all the repeats of Morse, Lewis and Misomer Murders, also Bergerac.

Rose it sounds as if your friend is suffering from Agrophobia as well as panic attacks and it takes medical intervention to help with that. Not easy.

I had one like that, only I was the one would make the call, she rarely called me .....

..... a childhood friend of OH's father, who emigrated to Canada around 1959, and then married for the first time at the age of 50+. I first met her in 1968 when we moved up here, because OH's father wanted us to make contact.

Her husband died about 3 years later, and that was the beginning of the phone calls, and visits. OH used to have to drive about 30 miles about once a month to pick her up for Sunday dinner and then take her home again afterwards. Even at the age of 60 something, it was one long monologue .......... and those Sunday afternoons were very difficult when we had a 3 year old, who could be demanding at times about wanting her share of our time, and the 67 year old

Later it became only phone calls ................ mostly re-iterating things people had done to her, like her father cutting her out of his will in 1950 because she'd married a man "he didn't know", and then how her siblings had not helped out.

In some strange way, I was very relieved yet upset when her dementia advanced to the point where she told me that she did not want to talk to me any more and I had no right to phone her. After the 3rd call like that, I took her at her word.

She did the same thing to a couple of other people, and as a result ended up dying alone in hospital .......... something I felt very guilty about when I finally heard.

Yet she had depressed me every Sunday for years



Rant on here ............ and treat her to a few "complaints" of your own.

The idea of you ending the call by something happening is also a good one

Or answer the phone, and say "Sorry, but I can't talk now. Can we leave it until next week?",

and put the phone down before she replies

yes my mum is one who is stuck in an age where everything was put in pots for a rainy day.she wont even have a debit card to pay for shopping etc.Funny really she got a new tv last year, a flat screen modern one with about 100 channels. I showed her the usual bbc1 , 2 itv1, ch4 and ch5. Then said channel 80 is the news so you can see it anytime of the day and she said..." nope, I see at at 6pm every eve and don't want it on any other time"!! she doesn't even use any other of the 100 channels except......wait for it .....lol the one that that shows repeats of dramas like morse, lewis etc and midsomer murders.....repeats!!! arggghhh

oh well if it keeps her amused and happy, who am I to judge.

Florence
in the hebrides :-S

That's a problem. People who are depressed often don't know they are and will not/can't engage

Mental health is such a BIG issue

<3

Yes Gins, she is lonely and depressed, but by the same token won't do anything about it, other mutual friends have tried and failed, eg suggesting last year that she go out with them for a pre Christmas dinner, or to church socials that kind of thing. She used to take a taxi down to the friend's house or the neighbour across the road would take her down to the nearby shop but that stopped when she had another panic attack and wouldn't get out of the taxi. She hasn't been out further than the gate for a year or more at least.

I told my vampire that she was negative, can't remember exactly what I said as it was years ago.

She didn't phone me for weeks........result!

Do you think your lady might be lonely and or depressed?

I tend to steer clear of negative people, I wont engage in gossip/bitching, so much so a woman at work went ballistic at me one day, shouting 'You're always laughing and smiling'

....and the problem sits with who!

:-D :-D :-D

Ann, I think my eyes are getting worse, I looked at

" all our calls go to answerphone"

and read it as 'All our cats go to answerphone' :-D

That often happens Dermot. A neighbour of ours many years ago had been led quite a life by her husband, he called her 'mother' ( always odd I think) and prevented her in as many ways as there are, from having any friends or life outside of the home, a bully in other words. I can't remember if they had any children, I think maybe a son, but he had long gone to escape his father and I never saw him visit.

When the husband died she was free at last and met a nice man who took her on a cruise to see some of the things she had always wanted to, sadly she died within a year. It seemed even sadder that after so long a virtual prisoner she only had that small amount of 'life'.

Maybe your neighbour's children had just had enough of their father and if he wasn't very nice, feel she condoned his actions by staying? Some women do that, push their children away in favour of their husband, however unpleasant he may be.

That's not the case here mindyou my friend's husband was a nice chap, that's part of the problem though, they spent 40 odd years in close harmony and she didn't 'need' anyone else. Sadly no children.

All our calls go to answer phone.

Inky1, I've tried ignoring some of her calls, usually before I'm up or when I'm eating, but it's no good because she just keeps ringing every 20 minutes until I answer lol.

Another friend lets calls go to answerphone though, and just picks up when I say 'it's only me'. as she had been inundated with calls from scammers at all hours of the day and night.

Moving to a new home has much strain & stress even when the transactions of buying & selling go without a hitch. An occasional miracle, perhaps!

I always looked forward to meeting my immediate neighbours within days of arrival. In many instances, the people next door would usually pop in for the usual introductions & generous offering of help, if needed. Some are bubbly characters where building a friendship is easy - no apparent airs or graces & they get along famously too with the other member of the household - my cat.

In my latest relocation (hopefully my last one too other than the final short & mournful journey to the local cemetery - but not just yet!), there was an unusual exception in that one of my immediate neighbours gave the impression of being a bit 'stand-offish' - or so I thought. I didn't lay eyes on her for several days. It didn't worry me greatly for a while as I was busy getting my new abode into some sort of acceptable tidiness. Indeed some weeks passed without a real opportunity to speak to her. I later found out from others that she was an elderly lady not in the best of health with a husband of ill-repute, whatever that may be. All her fairly large family were grown up & married in homes of their own.

I'm not exactly an 'in your face' sort of character nor am I one to loiter shyly behind pillars either. When the house move was pretty much settled & I could locate the kettle without too much difficulty, I quietly posted a note through the said lady's letter box inviting her to pop in for tea, cake & a chat. On her return from a bit of retail therapy (that's shopping to you - it means Purgatory to me), there was a very gentle knock on my front door. My cat makes more noise than that in his comings & goings!

Brief introductions over & the kettle steaming away, I produced the promised tea & cake - all very British-like with the best China cups & saucers I could muster. Chipped mugs have a regular attendance in our kitchen most other days when nobody is looking.

Enquiring tentatively about her family status, she really did open up about her life. And I got the impression that she had very few dealings with others in the immediate area.

Well, to make a long story even longer, I was told that up until recently, she had a husband (a jealous devil, by all accounts) who, between them, somehow managed to produce & rear seven children. Nature is wonderful, isn't it? All are grown up now, most of them are married with families of their own. She added that none of them seem to care less if she was in hell. An odd comment, I thought as I sat quietly biting my nails trying to desist from blubbering.

She claimed she didn't have one real friend in all her 80 years simply because of her now deceased husband's intolerance. On her own after so many unhappy married years, she has been prescribed ongoing medication because she feels so lonely & depressed. She claimed she often wished she was dead.

None of her family, some of whom live fairly close by, speaks to her & she doesn't know why -- even though they do not hesitate to help themselves to her widow's pension money as if she was their ATM machine. Even worse, she said she has not seen a few of her many grandchildren.

Is this life? Trying to put in a day, let alone a week, a month or months on end, without a word to or from anyone. It must be sheer hell. Loneliness in old age must be deadly. What a disgraceful way to treat the elderly - doubly so when parents are pushed aside by their own.

Yes you're right Ann I will have to do that when it gets too much.

Laughing at your last line :-) It reminded me that a couple of weeks ago when I went into town there was a young lady singing outside M & S, she was very very good and was singing cheery Christmas songs which really seemed to lift the mood.

This week the centre was more crowded and a young man was in the same spot and though his voice was good, his choice of song was very much in tune with 'Black Friday', I don't know the title but the tag line was 'my girlfriend left me suicidal in the city', not exactly an encouragement to stick around and listen :-)

I pay extra to BT for the caller display service. Generally it is the 0800 and withheld numbers that are ignored. But sometimes I have been known to let even a friends call go to the answerphone.

I know that I am not the only one to do this. I have a (now) very elderly aunt who has her answerphone speaker on so that she can listen to inward calls. If I start with "Auntie, it's me", she picks up.

Rose <3 yes you have mentioned her before ----- your good deed for the week ------ Very difficult because I know that you appreciate she is a bit lost and lonely, (and stubbornly stuck in her ways.) best is to let her ramble on and then quickly say something like 'well I am sure you know best but it would really be better if you paid by direct debit then you wouldn't have all these problems.' then quickly cut her off by saying, 'lovely to talk to you, somebody at the door, pot boiling over, timer gone for a meal ' or something before she can drag you down. and just accept that she doesn't really want your advice she just want to moan to somebody.

Florence, It is nothing to do with age really it is to do with being stuck in a certain way of doing things. OK when we were first married I used to do that with cash in separate compartments of a larger cash tin made for the purpose, then paid cash with bills, it was how we did it in the 60s. But (and I am only 4 years younger than your Mum and OH only 2 years younger), we have developed with the computerisation of everything, the internet, internet banking etc. It is those who have not moved with the times, not had the opportunity and who don't understand that things are done differently now who really can't cope with modern life. I feel sorry for them, they are missing so much, but you can't help those who won't be helped. It is a shame because seeing your Mum should be a happy time and talking to Rose should be a happy time for her friend, they spoil it for themselves.

I also have to say some people are not happy unless they are miserable :-D

:-) wine it is then!

Sit down till the feeling goes away! (Gin or any wine will help) she will no doubt be on to another contact complaining about your hospitality afterwards. ;-)

Ah but then Mayfield I would feel guilty ;-)

I already do, as I feel I 'should' ask her here for Christmas, and really can't. Though I wouldn't mind giving up my bed for her, it would mean I would have to fork out around £160 (which I don't have) to travel up by train, escort her back here then repeat the process...even if that were feasible it would be very fraught. :-0

AnnCardiff is spot on leave a list of gripes by the phone(make some up if you have to)
Then when you have finished and before she can start say Oh! that's the the Tesco delivery man at the door must go now been so nice talking to you! ;-)

Gins there are people like that for sure, I was told crossing your arms and legs stops them draining your energies.

Ann, she doesn't want to hear really, unless it's about my cats lol.

That's it Florence lol almost exactly as you've described. I suppose I was spoilt with my own mum as she was always open to new things, especially anything that made life a bit easier.

Been up to the shop, which blew more than a few cobwebs away, very 'whooshy' out there!