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11yr old coping with sudden death of (update)
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 30 Dec 2015 20:23 |
This is the third day that I have felt useless. My daughter has a 11 yr old and he has half siblings, sometimes he is in contact with them other times he isnt. Its his choice as they are older sometimes they were too busy to see him so he would say ok you let me down dont bother with me. Sadly it was one of these stages where some harsh words were said. This is his last memory of his sister as she was found dead 2 days ago. He is feeling guilty and saying he is cursed, he wont sleep as he says he might not wake up again. |
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Pammy51 | Report | 30 Dec 2015 20:35 |
How sad for you all. |
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 30 Dec 2015 20:44 |
We hoping so my daughter is going into the school on Monday morning. Winstons wish said they don't do councelling in this early stages as they have to do the natural grieving process first. But they said to ring back after the funeral which will be a while as the post mortem isnt until end of next week. |
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Pammy51 | Report | 30 Dec 2015 20:55 |
It is a shame the funeral will be delayed as it might help him to say good bye. Could he write a letter now, to go with a wreath later, explaining his feelings? I don't know if this would help but it would be like an apology to his sister. |
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Annx | Report | 30 Dec 2015 21:07 |
The not sleeping thing is quite common I think. My OH lost his grandma when he was about 13. She was more like his mother as she looked after him as both his parents worked full time. He then worried about sleeping and not waking up and suffered night terrors for many years till after we got together. A mistake his parents made was just carrying on as if nothing had happened and not talking to him about it. I think it is wonderful your daughter so wants to help him and I think letting him talk and trying to put different viewpoints to him will help. His sister would probably have said things she regretted too as we all do. He must remember that and what would he want her to do if it had been the other way round? I think it is bound to be difficult as he needs to let his grief out without judgment, but needs gently guiding forwards too. I think all she can do just now is keep seeking advice and keep telling him she understands why he feels as he does and that she still loves him just as much as we are all human and do things we regret. Best wishes to them both. <3 <3 |
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AnninGlos | Report | 30 Dec 2015 22:13 |
Anne, I had not realised that Winston's Wish didn't help until after the funeral. I hope he diesn't have to wait too long for that to happen but they will give him a lot of help then. It sounds as if your daughter is doing things right. The important thing is for her to talk to him and to listen to him talk. So sad for the family close to Christmas I hope you can all manage to console him. What about the other siblings, can any of them help? <3 |
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 30 Dec 2015 22:26 |
he did sort some music out this afternoon that reminded him of his sister, which we thought was good, as he was remembering the good times they spent as a family, they were together for 4 yrs as a family. |
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Joeva | Report | 30 Dec 2015 22:27 |
Annx is right ..' A mistake his parents made was just carrying on as if nothing had happened and not talking to him about it. ' .... I would just like to say that maybe they were so much in grief that they were unable to. |
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AnnCardiff | Report | 30 Dec 2015 23:12 |
schools are usually excellent with supplying counsellors - my friend's grandson is having counselling at the moment for a different reason - his father has been jailed for ten years for supplying Class A drugs and poor Finley, who is 12 and adores his father has been self harming and thinks of himself as worthless - he doesn't know exactly what his father has done = but the school have been marvellous and he is coping a lot better now |
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lavender | Report | 31 Dec 2015 00:06 |
The fact that his grandparents are aware of his needs at this stage will be positive for him in the future. I guess children need a period of time to grieve like any of us, working their way through the various stages with plenty of loving support and opportunities to speak of their feelings. |
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lavender | Report | 31 Dec 2015 00:12 |
I am sure there would be many books on helping children work through their grief feelings in an age appropriate way. |
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 31 Dec 2015 00:26 |
at the moment he is saying that if he cant see her face to face then whats the point of doing a letter. he is begging my daughter to allow him to go to the funeral parlor when she is laid out to rest, but my daughter has no say in who is allowed to go as this child has a different mother. She told grandson that this is the case, maybe he change his mind as the days go on. |
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lavender | Report | 31 Dec 2015 00:37 |
It must feel so traumatic for him, poor boy. |
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Annx | Report | 31 Dec 2015 01:23 |
I would do a letter to his present school saying how concerned I was and explain that seeing a counsellor he knows and trusts at the appropriate time is so important and in his best interest to help him cope. I would ask them to work with you on this to help ensure the least setback to his education and confidence so that he may go on to realise his full potential at school. If you do a letter, it will be on record and they should be concerned about his education suffering. |
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Guinevere | Report | 31 Dec 2015 05:25 |
There are several organisations that offer counselling and his GP may be able to recommend one that can see him ASAP. The school should be able to support him as well. |
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Fly | Report | 31 Dec 2015 08:47 |
Anne <3 |
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 31 Dec 2015 12:09 |
This morning Ive just had a lovely phone call where daughter seems a lot more happier. She and grandson had a good night sleep, He slept in his own bed and only called out once for her and after she had settled him again he went back of to sleep. What I didnt know was that Winstones wish was sending out some booklets for her and they arrived this morning so she was busy reading those while grandson had a friend round. Hopefully with his friend round he may eat today. |
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Anotheranninglos | Report | 13 Jan 2016 19:22 |
I thought I would let you all know of the latest. Grandson went to his sisters funeral today and held his head up high. Its a very split family and he knew his presence there wasn't going to be taken to kindly by one part of the family. |