General Chat

Shirley, as I read your OP I thought about the difficult time you had had and that it wasn't surprising you were getting infections as your body must be run down with all the stress you'd been through. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. The main thing is to be kind to yourself and not expect too much of yourself at this stage. Live each day and try not to look ahead or worry about the future at the moment. It's good to try groups and get out to meet people and being a listener for others and showing them kindness can help yourself too. When you feel down, give yourself a little hug and I used to find the radio or tv company when I lived on my own and it seemed so quiet.

Shirley I know just how you feel I lost my husband twenty years ago this July when I was forty six and we had been married for two years he was the love of my live and I his. My daughters from my first marriage were very good and so was my mum but I only wanted to join him but the feeling did not last to long
I think its part of the grieving that we have to go through it I think you just look after yourself and it will get better in time.

Shirley <3

Shirley take it from me men also grieve, often with no way of expressing it <3 <3
Be kind to yourself
David

Chin up Shirley
its early days take it one day at a time
even each hour at a time on bad days

Don't be hard on yourself <3

Big "Hugs" Shirley.<3
Make life easier for yourself - little things.
Keep the radio on when you go out - so the house isn't 'silent' when you come in.
Buy a light timer that turns maybe just a lamp on at a certain time, so the house isn't dark when you come in - but with lighter evenings, it gets easier.

Hello Shirley, I really hope your weekend has been a peaceful one x

Thank you , grandson went home Friday so have had a quiet weekend

Just pottered around and did some laundry on Saturday and put clean linen back on the spare bed

Cleared out the coats in the understairs cupboard and washed two of hubbies summer jackets ,
Made the decision to take all the jackets to the charity shop along with his shoes and trainers and some of his very heavy jumpers that he bought in Canada but hardly wore .

Was going to store but decided I could part with them

Eventually I wil keep one outfit of his and his caps and walking stiick but not ready yet to go that far .

So am moving forward slowly

That's good Shirley, keeping something important which holds the memory attached to it is probably something we all do, I kept my mum's red dress (worn the Christmas just before she died) for quite a while before realising that it would always be in my memory anyway and I could let it go to someone who would enjoy wearing it.

Do it at your own pace, but I do think it helps to let go of the things that are just 'there'. The memories never go even when the items connected to them have gone on to be useful to someone else.
:-)

One step at a time. Our neighbour was widowed 2 years ago. Although I think she has given away the majority of his clothes, she's kept his fleece hanging in the hall, and his dressing giwn on the back of the bedroom door. It gives her comfort.

What ever is right for you.

Well took the bull by the horns and looked at the heavy jumpers we had in the second bedroom units, found too hubbies summer shorts and his winter long johns.

Bought em all out and inspected for being clean . Not a problem cos i kept an eye and said that needs to go in the wash !!!

Today i took up to the local Sense charity shop OH jackets ,about 8 of em, the heavy jumpers etc AND his Clarkes shoes and trainer shoes all in very good condition as hardly worn Was a boot full so needed help to unload .

told them i have more like his shirts and more jumpers and they said we will glad to have them when you are ready

signed to a Gift Aid form so they can reclaim tax on what they sell

Am OK with what I have passed on ,know hubby would be ok too and he would say well I cant wear em !!

He was a practicing Roman Catholic and went to mass every Sunday and supported both overseas and uk charities so I am comfortable this is what he would have wanted




<3 :-)

Well done Shirley.
You will have great comfort in knowing you will be helping others by giving your husbands clothes to those in need and as you say, your husband would want that too.
Take care xx <3

Well done Shirley, somebody is going to benefit and the charity is going to benefit and it sounds as if it is just what your hubby would have advised you to do. <3 <3 <3

still early days Shirley - you'll get there - you're already on the right track

I kept Lawrence's dressing gown, ties and a cap - not sure why, just need to see the dressing gown hanging on the bedroom door

Well went to the monthly meeting of local branch of Kent Family History last thursday

Have been a member for about six years and went to all the meetings and outings & many trips to London to Kew and the London Metropolton Archives and to the records office that held the bmds records in big ledgers from which you ordered certs there

WELL I couldn't attend the monthly meets for about 18 months because hubby wasn't safe to leave on his own but kept up with my subs . I went to the Nov meeting and said hi to members I remembered but got little reaction.

No dec meet cos of Christmas but the jan meeting was a bit ?? as didn't know many members .

Tried again last week but I sat on my own,no one talked to me even though i tried to instigate chat .

Think I will be giving it a miss from now on which is a shame

I would go until my subs ended then tell them or write a letter explaining why I was leaving.

I joined a couple of things where unless you knew the groups you sat on your own, both times I explained why I no longer was going to go. I hope it meant other new people wouldn't feel cold shouldered.

Hope you're ok, getting out is a good idea.

:-) <3

That is a shame Shirley. I don't think people mean to be unkind, they just don't see beyond the ends of their noses, but well done on making the effort to get out on your own.

Where you live do you have a local newsletter or something similar that lists your local organisations? Maybe there is another sort of group that you could try - a lunch club or some sort of social club perhaps. They might be a bit friendlier. Or how about a garden group? Our local ones have some lovely outings and there are often people on their own who pair up for company for an hour or two.

Just carry on getting out when you can as I am sure your lovely Michael would want that for you. <3

I have been to the local University of the Third Age monthly meeting a couple of weeks ago . When I went as a newbie a lady who was with the one signing you in asked if I knew anyone there and was going to introduce me to a member and sit me with them so I wouldn't be alone

Fortunately I had been talking to my next door neighbour and telling her I was going and she said I am a member if you want me to take you any time I can , I sat with her and her friend .

They have a weekly coffee morning at the local Dobie garden centre restaurant and I have been to a couple of them . Folks there are very friendly ,some don't go to the main monthly meeting but have joined some of the groups that are under the umbrella of the main society

I was invited to the local choir by one lady who belongs to it , maybe !!! I did belong to a choir as a teenager but not sure if I can sing now lol

Another lady does French conversation that I was interested in but they meet at each other's houses which I am not keen on at the moment as just had the lounge redecorated and a new carpet put down !! Am a bit of a fusspot with folks knowing its shoes off before they walk in the lounge .

So looks like it's U3A as they call themselves , and hopefully one of the groups that takes my fancy . They do outings too which would be nice providing my back doesn't protest at the walking . It needs more exercise which would be good for me :-D

Glad you've found somewhere to go. My mother once she started to make the effort found a whole new life open up.

You go girl. :-D

That's good Shirley....you are doing well.you have made a start to socialising a bit,
It is hard when all your time has been caring for someone and not thinking of yourself.
<3 <3