General Chat

Opinions much appreciated please,

We have a male staff member who has recently started working at our workplace who seems to be a bit too touchy feely for my liking, we are predominantly staffed by females and it has been noticed by a few of us that he tends to touch the person who he is talking to either on the arm, hand, waist, shoulders, I know that one of the female staff took him aside and asked him not to do this, he apologised and even said that he had been told about this in his previous job, while he no longer touches her, he has still continued to touch others, he is from Romania and has been in the Uk for 10 years, he is a pleasant hard working guy who continues to be touchy despite being told that he's touching is inappropriate, either that or we are a bunch of cold untactile women. Im wondering if I should take him aside and tell him that several members of staff have said that they are uncomfortable with it or if I should just speak for myself? The manager ( female) said that individuals should each tell him how they feel.

Have you tried slapping him ?

It appears to be an over friendly personality trait rather than being done in a Pervy way... who knows!, just wondering if any women mind being touched while being spoken to by male colleagues or indeed female colleagues.

Me I would slap him round the mouth but then he will complain to the manager/police.

Get all the women together and tell him how you ALL feel and tell him if he does it once more to anyone.you will take it to the Police for assault.


Now this might seem a bit strong but he could be known to the EU/British Police
for assaulting women.


Personally I would /couldn't work with a person like him around.

As he comes from Romania and is basically a nice chap, his manager should tactfully take him to one side and explain that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable in this country. It's probably perfectly acceptable where he comes from and he just needs to have it is explained to him calmly and politely that customs are different here. No doubt that will be the end of the matter.

Haribo,

You don't say how old this guy is..
He needs stopping.

Some people seem to be naturally touchy people ......... others hate being touched.

Neither can help how they feel so there is no point in getting angry at the person or confrontational.

As one friend said to me the other day, she hated being touched by anyone, even her parents and siblings. That is ........... until she got a boyfriend ;-).

At almost 70, she still does not like being touched by others except under very special circumstances ........ she was willing to be hugged when her cat died at age 14, but most of her friends asked first.


I suggest that you each take this man on one side, don't be confrontational, but just say that you are very uncomfortable being touched and would he please refrain. You could mention that many of the other women are also uncomfortable as it really isn't part of the British culture.

Hopefully, he will learn quickly, and it might only take a couple of you to make the point before he responds well with everyone.

Sue, he's in his early 50's separated from his wife and has regular contact with his two teenage children, ( they live 2 miles away from him)

Thank you all for your thoughts on this matter, we as a team have discussed among ourselves that it could very well be more acceptable and well recieved in his culture. What concerns me is the fact that he has been here 10 years and has been told, probably several times in previous work settings that this is not always acceptable over here, our manager is incredibly unassertive and would never tell him unless he did it to her.. We work in a Care Home setting, he has worked in many homes over the years, am just a little uncomfortable by his behaviour as he MUST have been told many times. I will speak to him later in the week and make it very clear that we all are uncomfortable with the touching without making him feel ganged up against. I have a night shift next week with him ( just us 2 all night) so I need to get this sorted out before then..

Haribo.
I have sent you a pm.

If you or anyone else has had a conversation with the*manager* about this then its their job to take it up with him......not rely or leave it up to each person to *have a word with him*.
What happens to the timid women who cant confront him..does she just let him carry on because shes to shy.......!!

Any good manager whos part of a team also has a duty to see their workers are comfortable in the work place without having to side step an overly touchy feely person

Stand together and put the ball in the managers court...it can be done without someone feeling dejected.

I totally agree with Kay.

So do I. (agree with Kay)
I'm amazed the manager isn't aware!!
Are they never in the same office?

Agree also, I will raise it again with the manager, she is very much aware and of the opinion that it is a cultural thing, she said that we should individually speak to him, he no longer touches the colleague who did take him aside 2 weeks ago, I'd have thought that after her telling him not to touch her during conversation he would become more aware and refrain from touching all the other staff.

Managers are paid extra money to.........manage!! :-D :-D

To dismiss the actions as a 'cultural thing' is poor management.

If the majority of the staff are uncomfortable with this type of interaction the manager should be acting on behalf of all staff by explain that whilst it may be a cultural thing in his Country, or circle of acquaintances, it is not appropriate in your particular workplace.

It might sound a bit over the top, but I would put the matter in writing to your manager so that should anything further happen in the future, she can't deny any knowledge of the feeling of staff regarding his current behaviour.

cultural thing,my backside.!!!

the manager he/she is being dismissive of the feelings those he touches and to just say its because of where he comes from is total rot.......

as said above,,,,put it in writing and take a copy......or seek a higher seated person to tackle the situation.,,,,,,10 years of someone who touches anyone willy-nilly all the time is 10 years too long and he needs to be made to stop.......now.,,,,,,!or booted out of the job.or a new manager who takes things seriously.

It's the manager's responsibility to speak with him not any of the staff.

I had to stop a Spanish chap in his late 50s from exactly the same behaviour not only to staff but to female guests!

One verbal warning then escalated. Yes he did stop but it was a blasted fight over a few weeks!

There would be hell on if this guy was was "touching" your residents ?

Well if he is touchy feely with female staff members then can't think he wouldn't be with residents too

So the manager would be in big trouble if a complaint was made by a resident or their family as it has been brought to her attention

Sounds a weak manager to me

I agree it should be the manager job, to have words/deal with it.
ACAS, have a good web site, page for grievences.

Liz