General Chat

I’m busy trying to work out if I have been traumatised by not having touchy feely parents.

Maybe I should ask my children how they feel about not having touchy feely parents.

Or is it just life :-S

It's just life!

There's too much pointless introspection these days.
People should just get on and make the best of whatever circumstances they find themselves in.


"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

I was only thinking last night for some unknown reason, that I wasn't hugged by my parents or even told that they loved me.

Yet I knew that they did!

But that was how my parents were raised ............... they were born in 1903 and 1904, and probably raised the same way.

I became a hugger later in life, and we did hug, kiss and tell our daughter frequently that we loved her,. Still do!.

I'm not traumatised by my upbringing.


BTW, Gabor Mate is pretty well-known here, and I couldn't believe it when I read hed was going to talk to the traumatised kid.

GM was a family doctor in Vancouver for many years, in his 50s he diagnosed HIMSELF as ADHD, and traumatised by his upbringing and the Holocaust.

He's since made a living touting his beliefs, and recently had a book published with his son as co-author that explained all this and how he cured himself.


TBH ............. I don't believe much of what he says! I mean, I believe his upbringing and being traumatised but not his "cures".

I never had touchy feely parents, and had a mother who never liked me (born 5 years after the other 3, so I apparently 'ruined' her life)
Transpires my other 3 siblings weren't cuddled much either.

I tried to be totally different with my children. Even told them, if they want a cuddle and mummy forgets, they should remind me - cuddling didn't come naturally to me, as I hadn't experienced it.. .

Eldest grand daughter (20) who I also told about my inability to cuddle will always cuddle me - even randomly, in the street.
Her much younger brothers (15 and 12) used to be cuddly, but they aren't so forthcoming at their current ages, but do manage to sidle up for a quick cuddle, after I've glared at them :-D :-D :-D
The two little ones (7 and 5) love a cuddle.


Actually, saying the boys will cuddle me after I've glared at them sounds like they're frightened of me - nothing could be further from the truth - it's more like 'wind up granny' actions.
They - and their sister - informed me that they count the words I write in their Xmas cards. The one with the most words is, apparently, the one I love most..
Xmas 2023, they'll each have an essay in their cards - let's see them count the number of words then!!

Oh yes, and they were very impressed that I wore crocs at Xmas - and the younger one was really chuffed that a pair of crocs he had outgrown fitted me - so I've now got them :-D :-D
He got a lovely new pair of bright pink ones (as requested) for Xmas.

I'm really proud that my relationship with my children and grandchildren is so different from my mothers.

I always put much of it down to my repressed Catholic schooling!

Of course I knew my parents loved me, shown in other ways. Just hope my own kids feel the same way.

But now am led to believe I need to take cannabis because I always felt different to my family. Both parents and brothers were all sporty at some time in their lives - I have never been so inclined.

So good to have some one out there being so helpful :-P Not you AG because I think the quote is absolutely right.

Why do you need to take cannabis now?
Not sure it would make you more 'touchy feely' - it just made me sleep better :-D :-D :-D (pre children)

My parents (born 1908/9 were not cuddly or touchy feely. They did insist on a goodnight kiss (which I stopped when about 7 years old) And yes, I was not touchy feely with our children although I am with the grandchildren (strange that, I think because times have changed) but I still don't hug all and sundry. If i hug somebody I really mean it. My children hug some of their friends and family not all. Not automatically.

My parents weren't huggers but that didn't mean they didn't love me :-0. FGS I just wish he'd stop whinging :-|. I do think hugging is a modern trait :-)

I do wish he would stop thinking that his wife is the best thing since sliced bread...funny how they both have turned on their families :-0

He is acting as a spoilt brat always wanting to be the centre of attention....me, me, me :-0. Has he not thought what his continued public outpouring is doing to his father, the hurt he must feel :-0. It's as if he is saying all these things because he wants someone to hit back at him but so far they have kept a dignified silence :-0

Edit

I meant to say that I'm surprised at his choice of interviewer as a lot of his beliefs are somewhat controversial but there again that might be why he chose him :-0

LB best thing one can do is keep a dignified silence, it shows one is the better person!

That is so true Florence :-)

Reminds me of the time so called ‘therapists’ were persuading their young clients to report their fathers for sexual abuse, which, on the whole, never happened.

These so-called 'Royal experts' aren't helping either.
Spouting suppositions as though they actually know something.

The Frogmore fiasco for a start. No 'expert' has pointed out that 'Madam Markle' thought it too small, and not 'royal' enough.
Well Charles has offered them rooms in an actual palace.

Okay, the suite was Andrew's 'spare' pad, but you can only live in one place at a time - and Andrew's been offered Frogmore, as his 'main' abode - the Lodge has mould and is in need of repair.!

Andrew doesn't even work so why should he get a house for free paid for by his brother. And why did he need a 31 bed house fgs? I would be happy with just 1 spare room for family to visit never mind 31!!

If he felt "different" from the rest of the family, maybe he needs to take a DNA test, just to be sure!!

A short walk to buy a bar of chocolate is curing all the angst :-D

If only someone had kept his big mouth shut ;-)

I worry a bit that those children are being smothered in love, leaving them no room to be themselves :-S

names .................

that "smothering" comment also made me wonder how the kiddies will grow up.


I started hugging family and close friends sometime in my 40s, and was even told that I was a "good hugger"

It just came naturally with some friends.

I remember walking towards the Cathedral in Vienna along a wide pedestrian-only street when I heard my name called ....... a male friend from Quebec who'd I known for years. We hugged AND I got the Quebecers' 3 stage kiss. Unlike the French it is not right cheek left cheek, but right, left, right. But I always forget that until it happens.

There is always a place for a hug or an arm round the shoulders, but unfortunately we have to be a lot more careful nowadays when we choose when to do it.

As to children, I have always been a believer that you have to let them get bored sometimes. Filling up their time with clubs, extra lessons etc must not fill all their time. Otherwise they won’t learn to cope nor find new and exiting things for themselves.

I've got ADD. The whole world is against me, although with THAT amount of attention coming my way, I'm not sure that I have a deficiency of attention; the opposite seems to apply :-S

I’d comment but I think there may be a privacy issue ;-) ;-)

:-D :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D :-D