Genealogy Chat

Hi it has been very interesting reading all these threads. I made contact with my birth family through this site. Initially it was very sad as I found out that my mum had died several years ago. I wasn't expecting this as she was only 38 when she died. However since then I have made contact with her sisters and they have been great. My mum was one of 10 so has been quite hard for me to get my head round all the names and ages but it has been wonderful. It turns out that my mum always thought about me and talk about me which just makes me sad that I never got to speak to her even if it was just to tell her that my adopted mum and dad are great and have given me a great life. I have sisters and a brother and we are very close as a family. All of this then makes it hard for me to juggle both families as my adopted mum is very sensitive about the whole issue. I find myself telling them half truths about how I feel about the whole situation just so they don't get hurt and that is very difficult. I love my mum and dad to bits but this is part of me I need to know about I need to know about my birth mum and family. It was my birth mums birthday yesterday and very upsetting (a good bottle of wine helped!!!!) it is the first time I have ever missed her. Anyway I have let off steam now so feel much better. Thanks to every one or GR who have messaged me etc it is always good to know that you are not the only one going through all of this. Cheers Vik

Eileen, Someone once told me, that lots of birth mothers go on to marry within a couple of years of giving their babies up. I searched the 1837 site and sure enough Tony's birth mother married about 18months after giving him up. Her husband had quite an unusual forename name. I asked for a lookup on the electoral role and found him. Tony's birth mother was still married to the same man, so we had an address. Birth father has a very common forename( strangely enough he is also called Tony) and surname is also common so it will be much harder to trace him. Regards Maxine

does anyone know of any good adoption chat rooms?

Hi Maxine, I am very much in the same position as your husband and its a very difficult decision to make - whether to stand back or move forward and contact your siblings. After I receive my adoption file I will make the choice of what to do. I will approach my birth mother once more and then go from there!! We as adoptees have a right to know are roots - who we look like - medical history etc.. WHy is it we are treated as the guilty party - we were merely born. I must say it is truly hard to see family on genes and not contact them. Ahhh well Mary

Hi Maxine The same is true of my BM. She married 6 months after giving me up for adoption and had another child 14 months after I was born Lou

Hope he doesn't mind me posting - I messaged Martin who posted on here on 8/2/05 at 21.15. he has mailed me today to say Joan has found his birth mother already! Another round of applause for Joan Allen and a result that will inspire a few more not to give up hope. ((( big hug for Martin ))) Jess x

Hi Mary, Tony's half-brother is also on friends reunited and reading what he has written about himself and not being able to contact him was hard for him. If I was in Tony's position I think I would be tempted to contact him. Also I would probably walk up and down the street my birth mother lived in, hoping to catch a glimpse. I respect Tony's decision not to contact his brother, though I do think its unfair through no fault of his own he has been denied a chance of knowing him & his half-sister. I can feel symphathy for Tony's birth mother as she must live in fear that one day her secret will out. She knows that Tony is aware he has a brother & sister. Maxine

Hi Lou, Tony's birth mother was pregnant when she got married. As I traced the registration of her son 6mths later. She was only 16yrs when she had Tony in a mother& baby home. Her father wouldn't allow her back home if she kept him. I just can't understand how you wouldn't be happy at being reunited with the son you was forced to give up. Tony is sure she never told her husband & children about him.Fancy living with such a secret. She must have realised that one day the son she gave up might contact her. She is very lucky that Tony would never do anything she didn't want. Maxine

Maxine, bless you, birth mothers from these years had no idea they could be contacted in any way. I did it couple of years ago, after her husband had died, and the kids had grown up. Amanda x

Hi Jess Glad you have received your cert after such a looooonnngg wait. Hope you have success in finding your family. I see from your other thread that they were probably from St Albans. I am from around there so if I can be of any help please let me know. Penny

Hi, How is every one, glad to see this thread is still ongoing:O) Lets keep out fingers crossed for Martin and the moment, that he hears good news! I think its a goof thing to chat on here about out ecperiences, I dount if any 2 are the same, but it shows the wide variety of re-actions that we all can find. Will hope that you still here something Lou, and I have e-mailed you direct Jessbow. One thing I would like to say is this subject is veryemotional for all concerned, it is never just about the adoptee and the child, but also new husbands, partners, siblings ect, please no matter how desparate you are to make contact,try to be as sensitive in your aproach as possible, to all concerned. Good Luck to all those our there still searching. Best Wishes Sheila

Sorry Guys, all of you that have hunted i've led you up a garden path and in my haste have missed a fundamental fact out here. Across the end of the certificate in big letters, what does it say? YES... ADOPTED. Hells bells, where from here. Having troublegetting my head round this one. jess x It seems that through your effort we between us have managed to trace some of his birth mothers details, Has anyone approached from this angle? HELP ME SOMEONE!

Jess Maybe I'm missing the point slightly here but if ******* was adopted, WHY was the father paying maintenance for him until the 60's? That bit, in my mind, doesn't add up. Surely an adoption would sever all ties with the birth parents, financial support included? Lou

Hi Julie That's what I was thinking...it doesn't sound like he was adopted at birth if the father was paying maintenance for him till he was about 8! Lou

Hi Jess, If he was adopted at 8 then you have a shot of maybe tracing him on the adoption register in London, it may take some tracking through the pages but being adopted at 8 would stick out like a sore thumb, my sisters did. Sheila

Hi all, Jess here, been doing some retail therapy £75 down but at least only in Icelands Coffers! Was a bit gutted (to say the least) this morning when i re-read my birth brothers Birth certificate (1/2 brother technically, different mother). Having discovered yet another birth attributed to my B/F I sent for the b. Cert. I knew his mother had taken B Fathers name and seems in fact that she had actually married him, (although sons Birth cert says Formerly Margaret T....not Nee T....) What came as a surprise was, that thinking they were married when N was born, even though BF did a runner, it hadn't entered my head that he'd been given for adoption. I just assumed he'd remained with his mother and become someones step-son on her subsequent marriage. I had already got a list of all the possible N....B....'s , or N....T...'s in the UK and just checked that his mother didn't re-marry quickly (she did 8 years later) added N.....G...'s to the list in case he'd taken her new married name. So all of that planning and thought just fell apart when i noticed those immortal words ADOPTED across the end of the certificate. Every thing i had done just blew away in the wind. Back to square one now, the only hope, if you can call it that, is I have mailed someone of the same surname of his birth mother, which was on this site. Maybe they will know of M....G..., whether they know she gave a son for adoption 53 years ago is another matter. Thanks for all your support this morning - Got my head round it now - Sorry for having rambled! Lots of Love Jess xxx On the maintainace order - my guess is that it wasn't for N but that their is yet another of his offspring out there. We never knew who took him to court for mainainance, just that there was a warrent out for his arrest for non payment of it in 1954.

Just want to say a big THANKYOU to Joan Allen for emailing me some good news today.. thankyou joan , hope you received my reply to your email

I understand what you are saying but: The chap that told me of maintainance payments was a subsequent son of my B/F. He also told me that he had tracked this guys career in the motor industry- had picked out the same surname (they were both supposed to have worked for vauxhall). Now, this is where it gets beyond my comprehension: If this 1/2 brother had carried on in his birth name, all well and good. The fact that he was adopted suggests a name change, if only surname. Hence he would not have had the name Noel B.... thru his working life but Noel G....., and why would the subsequent son have realised he was one and the same? This subsequent son says he found references pertaining to maintainance paid up to the 1970's - that suggest if he is accurate this would be for a child born later than 1951. The maintainance order we found reference to might not even be for Noel, all we have is that there was a warrent out for his arrest for non payment of maintance, but not to whom he owed it. My B/F seems to have had so many children by so many women that we are probably yet to find more in the gaps. so far we have found Son 1939, son 1942, Noel 1951, daughter 1954, Son 1959 me 1961, son 1964, son 1967 and daughter 1973 with that span you can bet your bottom dollar there are few more as yet unfound jess x

Jess I often wonder if I'd find the same about MY BF if I was able to trace him. I know he was married when he had the affair with my BM that resulted in my birth and he also had 2 children, not with his wife but not sure if they were with one woman or with two different women. He refused to leave his wife for my BM, probably the other woman/women had the same reaction Lou

Happy news time! Had an e-mail from birth brothers daughter yesterday!(no not the latest find 1/2 bro, another one) Her father doesn't want to know at the moment for reasons that I understand but she does! Expecting photo's later! Jess :-)