Genealogy Chat

I actually enjoy looking at trees - they not just a load of names and dates - they are real people, past and present. All the better if I can relate to them, however distant. That is not to say I then want to proceede to copy all the details.

I think the rudeness was horrible. However I have a lot of family who were coal miners in Somerset and the community seems to have been very tight knit. If people share their trees I can often see extra connections between the families often going back several generations. I record the parents of spouses for the same reason. I am interested in family history not current affairs so stop at about 1930. It is up to you whether you want to share your tree and who with. I keep a version of my tree on here that I am prepared to share. I Anne

Peter I think you got the wrong end of the stick. What I meant by names and dates is not that they are not real people, but the fact that they have no real relevance to anybody other than your own family. Although people find connections, it is usually so distant that they have no real reason to need your names. Julie

Hello everyone, thank you for replying and sorry I couldn't reply sooner. I sent him a message saying he wasn't a relation and therefore has no right to see my tree. It's one name and they married into my tree. I haven't reported him, but will do if he gets nastier. I was more upset that he said I was in the wrong 'game' and 'sitting on information'. I haven't done alot of hard work just to be told that. Thank you for all your replies. I feel alot better. Kirsten

Stick by your guns. I had a query on another site where someone asked me to open my tree as they 'might' be related. I emailed back asking where their ancestors came from and why did they think there was a connection. I never received a reply!!!!!!!!

I also get messages from people who go 'We might have a connection, let me view your tree and we'll see' - I often search the site for their entry for the same name they contacted me for - 9 times out of ten they were born in a totally different place to mine (which is another pet peeve of mine - flipping check the place name before contacting someone!!) and I just go - well yours are from so and so which is not where mine are from so - sorry no connection - and I leave it like that!

I also only open my tree to people who share a considerable number of ancestors with me. It's a large tree and most of it would be useless to others. I do occasionally add in the parents of spouses or go down to children of siblings simply because that can lead to new contacts who may be researching some of the same branches. At the moment I am in contact with someone whose 2x great aunt married my 2x great uncle. We are not related to each other but we are trying to help each other find the descendants of this couple who would be related to both of us. If we find any descendants then we both have ancestries going quite a way back which we'd like to share with them. I don't consider I own any of my tree.......although there are branches which I think I am probably the first person to have researched and I spent many many hours doing so in my local records office, I believe the stories I've uncovered belong to any descendant. I've gained information from others about some parts of my tree and I am happy to share what I know about the parts I have discovered. I did however recently ask a contact to remove me and my living father from his tree (this request surprised him) and I have altered my tree so all living people are not named. Sue

I reiterate, I think it is a question of what you feel comfortable with. If you do not want to let someone see your tree then fine, your choice. Kirsten said that the person had no right to see her tree. I disagree with that statement. This person has no more nor less rights that anyone else to see her tree. More to the point, Kirsten has the right not to let this person see her tree, because this is the choice she has made. Lets not be too quick to condemn people asking to see our information. Thats what the site is all about, so don't loose sight of that. You have the right to say yes, or no, .to any request, and as I said earlier, rudeness is not tollerated on GR.

Susan, I agree, I have a thousands of people in my tree wouldn't feel comfortable with allowing someone just to see a name, because, frankly that is all I could offer them. I have no information on them and when I gave him what I had he agreed and said it was fine a few weeks ago. I disagree, Peter, though I do see where you are coming from. I liken my tree to other personal information you wouldn't flash about in the street. As far as I'm concerned I was willing to give him all I had, but told him, because of his attitude, I wasn't going to. But what really infuriates me is that I spent alot of time telling him all I could offer was a name, loose year of birth and a county of birth. That was all the info I had on this person and it wasn't enough to let him view my tree. Therefore I see his tirade at my more hurtful.

I agree with everything that has been said. I'm very fortunate that this has not yet happened to me. Where someone has a proven close connection I offer to email them an extract of my offline tree, either as a GEDCOM or an ancestors or descendants report. That way if they are serious they'll give me their email address. Even though I have 2000-plus names in my tree, very few enquiries get to this intimate stage. Those that do, end up being mutually beneficial. A win-win result is satisfying all round. Like Sue, I have a 'meaningful relationship' with for example a person who is related to my wife's great-aunt's second husband, and with people with whom I share a distant great-grandparent. John

there are some rude people out there, dont let them wind you up. I sent some one a query about a person they had on there tree and all I got was a message back asking to see my tree, TWICE!!! no hello no have you got any other info to confirm details just can I see your tree! Rude Rude Rude! having a rant does help though, but im not sure the guilty rude people would read such a thread!