General Chat

Romany, as for your MIL not liking you, because you have Romany blood - who the hell does she think she is?
I've found out I'm descended from New Forest gipsies, - as is my ex.
Bit of a shock that.
However, unlike the ex son in law's parents, to us (even though we're divorced) money isn't everything. Their daughter may be a barrister, but ex & I both have degrees too - as does one of our daughters, so they can't even 'get' us on that score.(gipsy = thick)
We, however, don't earn as much money because we are in jobs where we are helping others' rather than ripping them off!!

My grandsons have lots of grandparents.
Me, my ex, an ex of his, (she's lovely), and, even though their mum & *rse of a dad have split up, they have their dad's mum and her husband, their dad's dad and his partner, oh, and as I'm 'granny', and my sister's 'grandma' - they have her too!
Mind you, I know they don't like visiting their dad's mum, as everything in her house is 'perfect'. They like visiting me, even though the carved wooden head above the bathroom mirror freaks them out, and they know I hide the really scary puppets before they arrive.
(Wait until they REALLY look around the garden at the hidden grotesques) :-D BUT, I provide paper, pens/pencils, and ice cream :-D also marmite and crackers, books and a 'whatever' attitude - what more could a granny provide?
Grand daughter has never met her dad's parents (thank goodness), but, at 11, can 'see through' her stepfather's mother's shallowness. Over Christmas, I've created a special bedroom for her, as I can see her not wanting to visit these people in the near future - mind you, she'd rather sleep in my bed with me. :-( (at the moment)

As a child, we moved around a lot and were rarely in Hampshire or Cornwall (where my grandmothers lived). I knew my mum's mum quite well - but wasn't too keen on her, but when she got older, my sister & I used to take her out. After half a pint, she'd start singing - and we'd join in.
I met my Cornish grandmother very rarely but was foisted upon her for 6 weeks when I was 11. I really wish I could have got to really know her. In those 6 weeks, I realised she was an amazing woman who (like my dad) preferred animals to humans, with a wonderful imagination and a tendency to tell the most amazing 'porkie pies' - something that has been reinforced since doing my family tree :-D

I am a grandmother of 8 grandchildren but have only met and know 5 of them. I had a lovely bond with them from birth till 2 years ago when I was very poorly and had a fallout with my sons fiance` which unfortunately my children took her side (long story) I don`t see any of them and if I do the children are not allowed to talk to me!
I still send them christmas and Birthday Cards and put an advert in the paper acknowledging their birthday.
This hurts me badly but hopefully my grandchildren will come to find me one day.
Strangely I dreamt my granddaughter came and gave me a cuddle this morning. :-)

My ex's mother was like that Ann I wished I didnt care a jot but at the time I did I used to feel hurt that my son was ignored even as an adult he was at a family funeral and she totally ignored him.

My sisters are devoted Grannies, as I got off the bus the other week I glanced over at my sisters house and her 2 yr old grandaughter had spotted me and climbed on the windowsil to wave whist her grandad sat besides her, hands all over the window I was laughing and thinking her children wouldnt of got away with that.....

Another sister completely takes over with her grandson but she did even with my children when they were babies :-D

my husband was one of eight children - four boys and four girls - my cow of a mother in law showed no interest whatsoever in the children of her sons, she was all over the children of her daughters - do I care, not one jot. She was an evil old crone who appeared to outsiders as a sweet little old lady - not in my eyes, nor the eyes of my son

Related programme on BBC Radio 4 @ 11am this morning describing how some grandparents, for one reason or another, take over the rearing of grandchildren.

Every coin has two sides.

Like you RS when I one day become a grandmother no matter what I wouldlove my grandchildren all the same I can not for the life understand anyone that makes fish of 1 and flesh of the other.

Thats why I adore my MIL she has always treated my children equally they are all her grandchilden. <3

sometimes its not the grandparents fault
just peoples lives move in different directions
where as in old times everybody lived close to each other

my grandson lives over the road from me so I see him everyday
and my other grandchildren I see about once a week
as they are older they have busy lives


its even sadder if a parent moves on and doesn't see their child
for what ever reason
but sometimes its for the very best :-( :-(

Sue, thats a good thing to think about, making sure someone has the GR log-in! Hadnt even thought of that. We tend to assume (well I do) that someone will keep our trees...but if we dont make it easy then it may not happen. I hope mine ends up in a museum, as its very Romany-related. I may look into that, thankyou!

I didnt look at the posts over Christmas sorry, wasnt being rude. Island, no the invitation wasn't for us, I found out when someone accidentally mentioned it. She dislikes me because I have Romany gypsy blood, and also because her son refuses to play her silly attention-seeking games. I wasnt bothered for myself - just for my children. She has no other grandkids so shes missing out, but then shes not the sort to care. Paula, you are the sort of granny everyone needs!!! xx

My son has three step daughters. OH has two grandsons and three step grandchildren, so despite having no biological offspring's I am now knee deep in grandchildren. I love them all they all love me, its exhausting and totally amazing they bring so much joy and unconditional love into our lives. I have actually woke in the night laughing at some of there comments. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

#happygranniepaula <3

'Children's children are a crown to the aged'. (Proverbs 17 v 6.)

Don,t always blame the Grandparent.There are sometimes good reasons for having no contact with grandchildren,. :-(

Two things I can add to this:

We moved hundreds of miles away from my grandparents
with my Dad's job when I was four and we only saw our three
(remaining) grandparents once a year. It was the high spot of
every year, especially for me as the eldest and they were so
loving. At other times my parents had the most amazing
friends who were almost a substitute. Even though my
parents have passed on I still keep in contact with the friends
who remain.

Make sure that you leave details of your GR log-in with
someone that you really trust so that if you pass on sooner
rather than later your grandchildren and anyone else you
have lost contact with can look up all the family history. This
is a bit like dads being able to send birthday greetings to
their kids on FB even though they are 'not allowed' to see
them and eventually some of the kids do actually make
contact with their dads when they grow up a bit and realise
that what their mother says is only one version of the truth.

I only knew two grandparents - one from each side - the others died long before I was born. I rarely saw either of the live ones let alone have an idyllic grandparent/grandchild relationship and we all lived in the same town! I never felt rejected by them as I knew no difference.

Romany Star, are you sure the invitation doesn't include you and the children?

If you hadn't seen her for so long that you 'forgot she was alive' why are you bothered? Sorry if that seems harsh but I'm puzzled.
I'd be more bothered if my husband went to the party without me than his mothers attitude.

Put on your best frock and lippy, go to the party and flash a smile.
and stop looking at her facebook page.

Good luck:-D

A subject so close to my heart...............I can't begin to write about ...
each time I have tried to add to this thread I feel overwhelmed ... my grandchildren have much love in their lives .....but I know they will never understand why their grandfather distanced himself from them and his own son and daughter................. by choice or circumstances...... who knows ?

Tragic that the most my granddaughter ever saw of him was at their mother's funeral..... and my 12 year old grandson, son of our son was greeted with 'hello, I am the grandfather you've never met' , how sad is that ? :-(

As many have said those that have not have been part of the lives of their grandchildren are the losers. They have never felt the pride and joy in their triumphs or being there to console them at the worst of times.

Jo

It is so sad when a grandparent's 'dislike' of the spouse can spoil any relationship they could have with the grandchildren.

There is the other side of the coin as well.
A colleague of OH has only one child. They like the daughter-in-law.
Approaching retirement he wanted to retire abroad, but his wife (the sons mum) wanted to be around for the imminent birth of the grandchild.
Since the grandchild was born, the daughter in law won't even let them in the house!

Needless to say they are devastated and haven't been told what they've done 'wrong' to provoke such a reaction.

My husband wouldnt go unless his family were also on the list of invites,,,,, going by himself your OH is allowing her to exclude all of you and she is happy in the knowledge that she can still command his presence over you.

dont be sad about it......they arent really losing out of a grandparent ,as you cant get nothing out of nothing.........

:-D

I have 11 Grandchildren, 7 of whom are not my blood relations but I love them all just the same. All of them get exactly the same love and affection and I would not be without any of them

Jax, thats unbelievable, her saying she already has a granddaughter and doesn't need another....absolutely heartless. At least they have you!! Your profile photo is lovely. Kempina, yes I suppose that's true and I hadn't thought of it like that :-) I wish there was a 'like' button to press for each post like facebook has, I'd be liking Elizabeths and Dermot's too, all voices of reason. Well I feel better now getting that off my chest lol. :-D