General Chat

As you know, there is a personality disorder running through my mother's family,Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which boils down to extreme selfish cruelty, usually directed at one hapless child.

I have a cousin who is about twenty years older than I am and her children are of a similar age to myself. My mother was cruel and selfish but this cousin was more physically violent, especially to just one of her little boys. No amount of disapproval by the family seemed to deter her and I have seen her bullying and laying into him all through my childhood.

This son is now dying of cancer very bravely I might add. He has contact with her as he says she is still his mum. I especially invited him to come to the funeral because I wanted to see him. I have not had anything to do with her n years, have even stood behind her in queues without her bothering to look at me and that is how I like it!

She turned up at the crematorium having seen the announcement in the paper. She tried tocollar me and be friendly in the crematorium. That illicited a very curt hello.

Afterwards she was waiting to come and talk to me when she saw and maybe heard me tell her son I would not talk to her. She was very shocked and could not even understand why, she said, but she went off home quite upset!

Fred didn't like her, said she was mad,and I have waited fifty years to get a poke in at her on behalf of the boy I so often saw treated inhumanely!

As I always say Sharron. Revenge is a desert best served cold ;-). I have now waited 33 years to get revenge on my ex but still the opportunity has not arisen. YET !!!!.

good for you Sharron - revenge is best served cold

and LG - your time will come :-D

No, you were right to do as you did..............from your description of her, if she was upset, then it is a drop in the ocean in comparison to the hurt she has caused her own son.

It was Fred's funeral, he didn't like her, she didn't like you, so she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

"Was I so wrong?"

Why berate yourself over such an insignificant person Sharron.

I am sure the son knew and understood exactly how you felt towards her........and that's what matters.

Bless him. <3

You're an adult - and have the right to speak to, or ignore who you like :-D xx

Not only were you right not to talk to her, if you so wished, I hope her son felt the power too!!! :-D :-D :-D

She probably went to the funeral so that other people could see her .... doing the "right thing".

Just thinking...... that's probably why there was thunder & lightning... Fred was trying to chase her away.

Good for you Sharron! Life is too short to waste time on people like her.

<3

That thunder would have been Fred meeting up with his brother!

No you were not WRONG, good for you!!

jude

she would have gone to the funeral to get attention.. that is what they do..pretend to be all sweetness and light to other people but the picked on child knows what they are really like...

you did the right thing Sharron, and i bet she pretended to be very hurt...grr these mothers make my blood boil, mine was exactly the same..

She has taken to the church in recent years in a new area. A veritable pillar of the community!

It appears that narcissists feel a slight far more acutely than do others and I have felt a couple of twinges about causing somebody so much unhappiness but then I remember that poor little boy.

i am just fuming thinking about my mother Sharron and she still affects me even though i am now a great grandmother...these people know what they are doing my mother's last words to me were "I'm sorry"..

Excellent timing there!

Yes, it just proved to me that she did know what she was doing for all those years( because at times i used to tell myself that she didn't mean to be so cruel), but that sealed it.
Her last words to my daughter were to tell her that she was a dreadful person.Sad thing is that my daughter is now showing all the same traits to her daughter as my mother did to me.
It must be hereditary, but i still maintain they know what they are doing..it's a kind of jealousy.

Does it matter if you were right or wrong, Sharron? She isn't worth worrying over but it was very right to invite her son because you wanted to see him.

From what I have read, they are only too aware of their own inadequacy and pay more attention to maintaining their pose than they do to anything else.

Do you feel better for ignoring her,if yes, then you dont need any aproval for doing so or be told you did the right thing to yourself.....

dont let her behaviour impound on you, or its another reminder of your past, you cant allow that burden to mix ,,,,,,,,,save your energy by all means for her son.

just treat her situation with the contempt it deserves,as you matter not her.

How wise.

Thank you Kay.

It has certainly brought some degree of closure and I don't recall anybody rushing after her to call her back. The family has always discussed her cruelty which was much more open than that of my mother.

I only truly dislike one person in the family, she is as cruel to her mother as she was to her father, a mean hearted, money grabbing,selfish and all round nasty piece of work behind closed doors................all fluffy and sweet when she needs to be though.

I can't be two-faced and smile and chat when we are forced to be together at family funerals or, more rarely weddings. My sister and other relatives seem to be alright with being civil to her face, but slating her behaviour when she isn't within earshot, but I can't, I just blank her completely.

Does that make me a bad person.................or an honest one

I would have spoken to her.