General Chat

I asked this on my Knitting Jam thread but thought I'd give the subject a thread of it's own.
I'd asked if anyone was a member of the WI and from the few responses it seems it is not a welcoming institution.

So, why are a lot of women unfriendly and unwilling to welcome new members to their group?

Could it be because they have invested too much time to the family and home and forgotten how to communicate as people in their own right. Has organising husbands and children turned them into bossy matrons?

I joined a few craft groups in the past and after three or four visits left almost in tears due to the cliqueiness and, frankly, snottiness!

Any thoughts?

I think all groups, male or female, have a tendency to cliquishness, sadly.

It's not just the WI.

We travelled for many years with OH's job.

At one stage we were in Eastern Europe, we were told there was a good "ex-pat" community. Sort of true, we made friends with lots of people. We were there for almost a year before I discovered there was an "International Women's Club". Not one of the women I met had told me about it, not even the women from my own embassy! When I asked, I was told "well, it's not officially for "diplomatic wives" but we think it should be"!! Obviously I wasn't a "diplomat's wife. I didn't apply to join, wasn't interested in meeting with a bunch of snobs.

What is it with these women?

btw..... we were there for almost two years, my "best friends" were young US marines!

I found exactly the same in Berlin.

I mean about ex pats not young US marines, you understand!

awwwww, poor Errol........ you weren't invited to join the women's club?

:-D

We have foggy memories of great parties at the Pombassy :-D

It happens everywhere from schools to work, if your face don't fit you will not get in with the 'in' crowd or get on in your career.

I even dressed appropriately

100% wool clothing I presume! ;-)

Yes i think women 'en masse' are a bit unfriendly, they scare the hell out of me... lol give me a bar full of blokes any day rather than a knitting circle :-) much less intimidating ;-)

To be serious, I think it's a matriarchal thing? if you are a lot younger they will take you under their wing more, but if you are a similar age group you are 'competition' and might bring in ideas they don't want, and take on a role that is theirs :-)

But then I am not a 'joining' sort of person, so maybe I am just biased.

Meybe it,s a sort of Pecking Order, :-D The old Hens don,t like intruders who might dethrone them. :-D :-D :-D

Usually sackcloth

As I said on the other thread, we were a group of young mothers in the main from one village in Essex, some we knew from the school gate but I had only lived there about a year. From the start that WI was very friendly, we all joined at the same time, had a membership of about 50 constant members and welcomed new members.

It might be an age thing as when we moved in 1973 I immediately tried to join the local WI which was an afternoon one as they often are even now. I was then in my 30s, I was welcomed ok but the members were all older than 60 and when it came to coffee time they went into their groups. I didn't feel comfortable, went a couple of times then gave up. Made friends in other ways, PTA committee, then work. (mixed sexes).

In the 80s we moved again to Bedfordshire. Didn't try to join a WI as I was working but did go on the PTS committee and joined a camera club. both were welcoming and friendly (mixed sexes.

In 1992 we moved here and until 2000 I was working full time, had friends at work but most were military or military wives. OH joined the golf club and we had a social life there.

In 2000 I retired and the RAF camp was closed and taken over by Army/NATO, most of my colleagues moved on. Now I only had the golf club, neighbours are fine but most work or are retired and keep to themselves. (We are both retired by now). I tried the local WI it is an evening one and they all seemed to be my age or older (I was in my 60s then). I was welcomed by the 'welcoming person'. At coffee break they all went into their little groups and I was left sitting on my own. (I have to add I am not the sort to push myself forward). I didn't go again. Again I think it is an age thing, they have probably been members and lived in the village for years. We also have the 'problem' here of having a split village. We have the old village, then we have our part which "used to be an orchard you know, no houses there when we first lived here"!! The 'old' village the 'proper' village would prefer it if the rest of us didn't exist. And you should have heard the complaints and the protest group when a Tesco was to open on the main road. But, do you know one of the 'old village' said in the local paper. "it is quite useful really"

In 2003 I joined Genes and the boards have become my 'friends'. I am not too bothered at the moment, there are still two of us and I am quite an independant person. But I do wonder how I would cope if left on my own, not practically but with not having a 'support' group. My family live 2 hours away and 4 hours away.

Not really sure how one makes friends once the age of the school gate is past.

I meant to say that in the 70s I did join a few craft groups and they were fine...... But they were mixed.

Hello Dottie..........Friendly Prickolls here. :-D

Last year i discovered that there was a weekly genealogy group at the village library....sooo, i bucked up the courage to go along.

I waked in and paid my money to the librarian at the desk and she pointed to where the group were.

There were about 12 people (both men and woman) sat round a circular table with all their books and files.......and there were several people at three computers who were researching.

Well..........I stood there and stood there, got an occasional look from some people and when I smiled, they just looked away.

I fell like a right nelly so I wandered over to the computers to see if I could perhaps join in with what they were doing ..........but nothing!

Nobody spoke to me or acknowledged that I was even there.

I hung around like Billy no Mates for about 15 minutes and then left.

By the time I got to my car, I was soo upset, hurt, angry and mortified that I sat there shaking and crying. I just could not believe how people could be so mean!

:-\ :-\ :-\

Oi, h'aint doing that again! :-| :-P

Pity you have,nt got their Email address to send them a Polite message. :-D

I was so upset by it Merls that I did think about doing just that.

If I was part of a group and a new member walked in........I would be the first one out of my seat to give them a warm welcome.

I don't understand it. :-(

Ohhhh, and still haven't got over it!

:-D

Some men are just as bad Sirius......and as for women being B.....chy......well!.....the bloke in the group I have just joined gave me the lowdown on other peoples lives within minutes of the start of the day....all without being asked......and he was one of those in charge....Sheesh!....I thought to myself, after he had dug his claws into the fifth person....I must remember never to let him know anything about myself......It makes me withdraw into myself and wish I hadn't joined, but I had to to learn more about the subject I am interested in :-(.......Not sure how long I will last!

Oh that's a shame Susan10146857, I hope you can stick it out if it is something you want to do, pity if others spoil it for you.

Perhaps if you remain silent and mysterious they will be so intent on wondering about you they will forget to gossip about others ;-) men can be just as bad as women, maybe it's just an age thing rather than gender? I must say I met two 'new' people over the weekend and both (male and female) were lovely :-) As I said I don't really do joining or groups...too shy.

I joined a Geneology group. Ignored. Tried the next month - same thing happened so I didn't go again. Annoyed that I had paid a years membership. Went to oH's Bowls club for a Bingo evening. Ignored except when I won a house then I got glared at. Won't be going there again either. Perhaps it's just me but I think not.

Is it just those of us who have not lived all our lives in the area concerned that have problems? I imagine that is what has happened with myself but those of you relating problems have you always lived in that area? :-S