General Chat

I am 71 and have never hit a woman - however I will admit there have been a couple who I felt like hitting :-(

Any blokes on here like to comment?
There are times when women do attack their husbands /boyfriends.
I have seen this happen and TBH how some of them resist giving it back I do not know ..it takes a very self controlled man not to lash out when he has a drunk , scratching , spitting female attacking him..

Hitting a man or women is not right, domestic violence effects 1 in 4,

So many say oh if they ever hit me, first time id be gone, if only it was that black n white and that easy,

It is definately not black and white or easy to walk away indeed. I was in a very violent relationship for 13 years so I do know. I will not go into details but I finally walked out and have never looked back.

Without going into too much detail, when some people begin to slap it progresses to maiming someone or even manslaughter.

So no, there is no excuse for people who cannot contain their temper shown through physical violence.

Sue x

Hi Stray
Lots of times .. male or female ,the person on the receiving end think that they are in some way to blame by failing their partners in some way..
their friends don't get treated in this way , so it has to be something they are doing wrong in the relationship..they don't leave because they think in some way it is their fault

I realise it is not that easy Stray......That drama shows how hard it is to get way.....for myself though......The first signs of aggression .....even a raised voice....and I am off.


Many years ago when I was just 17, I agreed to go out with a lad who worked with me. He seemed nice enough and although his choice of venue for our date wasn't much to my liking ( White City Dog track ) ......I met him at the agreed time.......When we got there he asked me to get the tickets, which I did. The Racing started but just before, he looked at the tickets, I had got the numbers in the wrong order........He went berserk and called me all the names under the sun.....The race finished and as it happened he had won with said numbers.....Then he apologised.......I told him I was going to the loo....walked out of the stadium and went home.....Saw him next day and ignored him........His behaviour was enough to tell me that if he was like that when I first went out with him....goodness knows what it would be like after a few more times......I wasn't going to take the chance and never did.

So true newby, altho physicsl abuse is somtimes easier to deal with, than mental an emotional abuse :-(

There have been suggestions that are far more male victims of domestic violence than have been reported to the authorities. They are ashamed to admit that they aren't 'Manly' enough to protect themselves.

It certainly isn't right to instigate violence but understandable, as long as its controlled, if that's the only way to stop yourself from being hurt.

Edit......if the instigator has completely 'lost it'.

Quote..
It is definately not black and white or easy to walk away indeed. I was in a very violent relationship for 13 years so I do know. I will not go into details but I finally walked out and have never looked back.

the survivors club .... ( I am a member from the 1980s) .it takes one hell off a lot of courage to finally say enough is enough and walk away from everything you have but you never regret it
xxx
Det .. I have seen men/ boyfriends attacked by drunk screaming women/ girlfriends .. not nice , but most males will just hang onto their wrists to avoid being injured then walk away.Probably getting thumped in the process
This is in the street , not domestic violence in the home but if I was in that position I don't think I could be so patient

Yes Det far to many men are afraid to come forward and admit its happening to them,

I dont no why so many people stay in volitile relationships, especially when young children are witnessing it, and then growing up thinking its the norm. But it seems to be a lot more common

once/if you resort to violence you've lost the fight

Women in violent relationships have often been mentally broken first. Their self esteem is low and they just don't have the energy to get out.

Just watching the drama susan wiv mentioned, its aweful :-(

My son was married to a Narsasistic women with a volatile aggressive personality. She verbally attacked him and eventually started to physically abuse him, (several times in front of her parents) My son never lifted his hand towards her, but thank God he divorced her. I knew nothing of this until he walked out on her. He is now happily married.

I agree with Newby, it took a great deal of courage to walk away from her as they also worked together, he stopped working with her in January this year, and he has gone from strength. Life is too short to be a human punchbag.

Paula, I agree .. it's not always the man that shows aggression.
My eldest son lived with a girl that developed a huge Ketamine addiction .. eventually he had to walk away from the relationship as her violence and mental health got worse and worse..
At first he felt so guilty for walking away ..but he's a different person now ...I'm really proud of him
xxx

I think this is what happened to the woman in the drama Island......she kept trying to get out.....knew she should, did at one time but was mentally and physically exhausted......

Well, I have been very fisty in the past, I can't deny it, especially when I had had a few.

I have had a black eye from a man who hit me BACK more as a reflex and I can't pretend I haven't deserved it, I had it coming. He was far more upset than I was.

More recently, much more recently, I was working in a social club when a little woman erupted at the steward. It was only because he had asked her to keep her child away from the bar but I think she was having major problems elsewhere. She was hurling abuse, hitting and kicking him in a frenzy.

He was a big man so he was in a strange position where he couldn't really touch her so just kept telling her she was banned.

All the other people were in shock and watching as it went on. As a big, strong woman I felt it my place to intervene so I went up behind her and quietly but firmly put my arm across her neck and held her back while talking to her calmly.

It worked, she calmed down and was about to leave quietly when the knowall woman came over and thought she would tell her exactly what the rules were at the club.

She was off again and two other women then led her out ranting and raving again.

I must have mellowed over the years because I didn't even shout at the bloody stupid woman who intervened!

Difficult from the outset as the natural reaction is to say NO Way. I personally have slapped another female and a male a reaction to them laying hands on me.

I have also been in a very abusive relationship. One which looking back on I can´t believe I allowed to go on for as long as it did. In fact looking back I can´t believe after the 1st "thump" which actually put me in hospital with a couple of broken ribs and concussion, ( and the only reason it wasn´t more is we were right outside a police station. :-S) I actually went back and allowed him to do it again and not just once. I was lucky my self esteem fought back and I was braver than he was with that.

I did have a mate once a male who was so beaten down by his wife he was scared to go home at times ..Now he was too scared to own up to what was happening because he was male and he thought nobody would believe him. Sadly he committed suicide.

There is no answer to a broad sweeping statement . But no it is not right for anybody to take their anger out on others whether that other is opposite sex, same sex, child or animal.
If you want to hit something either hit a wall or go to a boxing gym, either way go and seek anger management.


Verbal abuse is another subject and just as harming ..that is why children can commit suicide due to internet bullying.

A very difficult subject and I fear for some a very unhappy one, I wish all abused people could speak out and name their abusers as maybe this would stop the cowards amongst the abusers.

Uzzi as you say it's never easy, I am just so thankful my son ( and everyone else too) managed to walk way.

My ex DIL was referred to Anger management, but she only went a couple of times, she did not think she had a problem.