General Chat

I truly thought I was better. The DWP have declared that there is nothing wrong with me and that I must look for work and who am I to disagree with them?

Then, on Wednesday, Fred's mate lost his temper with me momentarily. He has his problems, we understand each other and generally , I take it on the chin and we carry on and forget it.

The same time the next day I was still crying and hiding.

Yesterday we went to Fred's cafe and I, once again, had to cut my chips into little pieces to eat them, OH had my peas because the chips were taking me long enough, had I eaten the peas it would have been one by one and we would have been there all night.

Then I had to come home immediately.

Fred's mate and I have cleared the air again and we are fine but there is something on just down the road this afternoon that I would very much like to go to because I participated in all the research that went toward it but I know I just can't handle it, bugger it!

Oh well, baby steps still. I will get there in the end.

Sharron, sorry to hear things are not great at the moment.

Have been thinking about your situation, and i wonder if you were seen by one of the Mental Health centres, (through your GP), these people would listen to you . If there is no written record of this, or medication prescribed, they do not seem to take you seriously.

Think you should go, for yourself, as you do need help. <3

I really don't think I need help, I just need time to get there.

At the moment I am kind of treading water until I no longer have to go through the motions of looking for a job.(November).

So much has changed recently that I know I need time to readjust and my doctor and I agreed that medication would be my choice and I think I can do it without by taking baby steps.

This is the first time in nearly ten years when I can go out on a whim, without having to lay all manner of plans for Fred and the cat to be looked after and I don't even have to hurry back.

It is all very difficult to comprehend.

When I was still trying to stay in my previous job, my doctor suggested I referred myself to 'iTalk', which is a phone service for stress and anxiety. With their help, I set myself goals then they'd arrange a time to phone and we'd discuss whether I'd achieved them. It's weird, but It's quite good talking to a completely faceless stranger.
I knew I was getting better when I was becoming fed up with the calls!! :-D

Edit:Not sure if it covers your area, but ask your doctor about it - then you can tell the jobcentre he referred you!!!

Ah yes.

My biggest problem is dealing with admin. I just can't do it. OH does all the job searches for me and deals with all that.

It was the organizing and dealing with everything at a date for all those years and then afterwards that actually tipped me over the edge.

I had the pack from iTalk and it gave a ten day deadline. Well that was the end of that. I closed the envelope and couldn't pick it up again.

When I am ready, I will contact them and tell them what the problem is.

Things are improving but it doesn't take much to push me back a long way at the moment.

The cat died last Saturday. That didn't help in any way.

Can you go back to your doc and tell him how stressful you're still finding things - and the fact that the DWP has caused you to relapse?

Think about it - you're too stressed to go down the road to attend something you know you'd enjoy.
That's serious stress :-(

I guess that maybe your tears were not at Fred's mate Sharron but for your lovely cat. Let yourself grieve for him and gradually you will get there. Shame you can't make yourself go to the function today though. Hopefully you can find somebody to tell you about it.

I like to think that my mind has finally found the time and space to sort itself out after sixty years of pressure caused by other people.

My body is certainly benefitting from my finally having control over my own life. look at the blood pressure.

It all needs to be done in tiny steps and this is what my mind is telling me to do.

Oh dear, what a pillock I am going to look if I am wrong!

You're not wrong Sharron - my war cry my family tell me has always been 'listen to your body' but they tell me I ignore mine.

Perhaps you do need a little bit of help from your dr., just to ease the path. No point in making things harder for yourself. <3

I am not unhappy, just a bit peculiar, or more so than usual.

Fred's mate and I made peace and I sat in bed leaning on a pillow liberally soaked in the magical lavender oil and felt very much better for it.

My mind is telling me not to attempt the event today, much as I would like to go to it and I am obeying.

Trying to entice two new cats in. They are strays, not ones belonging to neighbours.

Suppose I just can't allow my life to be entirely my own.

Sharron

Tiny steps maybe but sometimes one needs a little medical help to go along side the mind over matter I can do it train of thought

You have been through an awful lots of stress and been the one who organised had little sleep etc etc . Plus as you have said you had stress anyway from mum in the past
Losing your Desmond last week has set you back again and you now have the grief all over again so it's steps back from where you were

Please do consider going back to the doctors and tell them frankly how things are and how you arent really coping and accepting some help

I am not a doctor by no means but we have had trauma in our family and I know it affected our daughter so much she went downhill and is still easily stressed .
It does sound like you have post traumatic stress and if so this can be helped in so many ways by medication on a short term basis

Sending you my very sincere best wishes

;-) ;-)

I think you are doing a dis-service to all mums calling that thing one!

Really, I am happy with the way things are going. I do let go on here sometimes but generally things are looking good. Can you imagine how difficult it is to even adjust to that situation?

Wednesday was a blip but I am looking forward. As I explained it to my doctor, he would be prescribing medicines and therapies to somebody who had been landed with a great deal of unfamiliar stress.

Well, my norm was a huge amount of stress. Now I have taken a lot of steps to rid myself of it. That took a long time too.

I don't want things to happen fast, I need them to be this way for me to adjust gradually to such a profound change. My body too is adjusting slowly.

Most of the lead-up to this was my suffering alone and now I need to have it leave me at the pace my mind and body dictate. I could have done with the help and support fifty years ago.

Please think of this thread as something in the nature of me having a bloody good swear at the situation!

Thank you everybody for reading it and I am sorry it is negative but (not that I have any experience of this) it must be a bit like natural childbirth. I need to experience the change in order to adapt but I do gain a great deal of strength from the support that most of you have given me and I do thank you for it.

OK
Well let rip all you like on here and hope it helps

I do admire you for what you have been through and how you have and are coping

It's is nice though to let go and get some comfort from other folks from time to time

Take care and onwards and upwards <3

This is really sincerely meant x

Oh,thank you Shirley.

I don't think I deserve admiration, it wasn't voluntary.

Have just been in 'my place', the bath with the lavender., which is where the thinking is done.

I think that cry was there and ready to come out, Fred's mate just let it.

It was a good cry too, not one of the tight, horrible sobs of anger and frustration I remember from my childhood and youth. In fact I was only just thinking how much anger has gone from me now.

As for tranqus. Well, I did them in my teens and don't want to go there again but I am currently obsessed with lettuce. Got to have some every day and I think that is probably because of it's calming properties. It is certainly not because of it's exciting flavour!

At the moment it is very strange not having to put on the brave face, pretend there is nothing wrong in life and take on something else I can't cope with.

Sharron, you are brave because so many people would just go to the DR and get medicinal help. That is not necessarily wrong in their case but you are doing it your way and that is brave. You will get there because, regardless of what you may think you obviously know where you are going. This sort of thread is good because you are putting all the negativity down in print where it can be left to drift away down the boards I hope you find that cat to whom to give a home, he or she needs you as much as you need him or her.

Keep taking those baby steps and ewill b her o celebrate with you when you finally see light at the end of the tunnel. <3 <3

We have three strays we have been feeding and, no doubt, they will be in here soon.

Thought I would give it a week or two before we call in the cat trap.

Can I make it clear that I did not share a bath in Sharron's 'place' haha ;-) ;-) ;-)

Sharron, I hope you dont mind me asking but are you unable to eat properly when you are stressed. Just with you saying about cutting up your chips and taking a long time to eat sounds just like me.xx

In the past, the more stress, the more went in my gob but now, everything has to be cut up small and eaten slowly.

I eat slowly anyway but it takes me ages at the moment and I am obsessed with lettuce for God's sake!

I find it hard to swallow anything at all when I am stressed. Feels like my throat closes up. Got it at the moment. Hope you have grown plenty of Lettuce Sharron and you feel better very soon. x