General Chat

Hi
Does anyone have the same problem as me ? My mother in laws still thinks her on is a little boy. When she ring she will not speak to anyone but him. We are building a house and it is his nothing to do we me., but this week i have had it with her. My husband did nights over last weekend finished them on Sunday , but because of all the upset she made like saying i was keeping her son from her and other things we had to drove 4 hours on Monday and then drove 4 hours back on Tuesday only to find there was nothing the matter when we got to her and her husband. When she rung last night and i told her she could not talk to her son he was in bed i got told that is all down to me making him drove down to her and she thinks that they should came before my grandchildren as some are you know my grandsons have health needs and schooling needs I do not think she i on the plant. My sister in laws and her family lives by them and they have there own flat but they are staff on site to look after them some folk do not know how well of they are .f i have had i will go to war with her if that what it takes after 32 years i think it is time to stand up to her . I did ask my son in laws what i am like as a mother in law and he reply your are good, sometime you get it wrong but not a lot of the time ,so please about that.

Not an easy situation for you Sandra. I assume they are elderly and live in sheltered accommodation? She sounds very bitter. Is your husband her only son? If she has staff (carers) on site to look after them, the next time she makes a fuss why doesn't your son contact the staff to ask if theya re OK? that might save you a 4 hour journey there and back. Why is the house you are building your husband's and nothing to do with you?

It sounds as if she is lonely and misses her son but as he has been married for 32 years she (and he) should be used to it by now. Really it is up to your sone to tell her that it is not your fault he is often unavailable.

Mothers in law can be a big problem but I am glad your sons in law are ok with you. And, yes we all get things wrong sometimes but not all the time I hope. :-)

She has my sister in law living just down the road from them The staff told us on Monday that my husband dad he feeling his age but if we are need they will ring us.

She just likes to be in control i am not having it

It's really up to your OH to stand up to her. It can be done gently but persistently. If you had a big row with her, it will only make things worse & your OH will be torn between the 2 of you.
After 32 years, she's not likely to change now :-0

my mother in law was a down and out bitch to me - my husband was one of eight children, four boys and four girls - the daughter in laws were never in favour for one reason or another but I was the one towards which she showed the most hatred - I never ever was disrespectful to her - I found out from my brother in law years later that the reason she didn't like me - father in law as well - was that I was snooty and standoffish!!! I was gobsmacked as I have never had any reason to be snooty and most certainly am not standoffish

I never got on with my Mother in law .my oh was an only son ..she was just an old misery .I got on well with F I L . think that was the problem .I use to bake & take stuff for them .always had them Christmas .& Children`s Birthdays ..they would just turn up :-( I could write a book . :-) best way is ask your hubby to be firm but fair with her .you have been together a long time .don't fall out .just stand up to her you are all adults .don't worry about it life`s to short .be a better person than her .Good luck Barbra x

Oh dear, there are some really nightmare mothers-in-law.

No complaints from me...... I loved my mother-in-law very much, she was a wonderful lady, and like a second mother to me. We lost her in February 2 years ago, and I miss her every day.

<3 <3 <3

My Mother-in-law was lovely it was her son that was the problem. Did not get married to second husband till after his mother died but had met her and knew she would have been a problem one of the times I went to see when her son was out of the room she was talking about his first wife then she came right up to my nose with her finger and said "if you ever hurt my son you'll have me to answer to" he was her only son she also had a daughter

OH's mother has never been here. She lives three miles away and I have seen and spoken to her no more than three times in the last fifteen years.

He is free to go there and I have taken him there and dropped him off for Christmas but I don't like her and don't want anything to do with her.

What about nightmare daughters in law? Lord help the woman who marries my ex daughter in laws only son.

I loved the person who would have been my mother in law, I stayed with her and OH's father a couple of times before we were married but she died when I was only 17, three years before we were married.

I had a very good relationship with our son in law who sadly died last December. I also have a good relationship with our son's wife. And to add to it further being a Grandmother in law, I have a good relationship with the wives of the two grandsons who are married. And I think they would say the same if you asked them.

My mother in law was a nightmare
But she get kicked right into touch
She even had the cheek a few years before she died
to ask if she could come and live with us

She was told she wouldn't last the first day

My Butler said if she come here he was leaving
and she was his mother :-D :-D

Joy :-0 :-0 :-0 :-D

I have a lovely daughter in law - I love her to bits, and her mother is a lovely mother in law to my son, so all is good now

My m-i-l turned into a witch after her husband died.

Before that we had a reasonable relationship, although I was glad that we lived in another country :-)

It meant that we would see her on planned 3-week visits, in which they would spend half their time with us in the big city, split between the beginning and the end of their journey, and half their time with their daughter who lived 800+ km away from us. She just had the 2 children, and both ended up here

........ the worst she did before her husband died was to pit son and daughter and the 4 cousins against each other, by continually saying things like "you play the piano very well but your cousin xxxxx is better", or "you drive a car very well, but your sister is a better driver".

We could laugh about that ...... and she did not succeed in driving a wedge between son and daughter or between the cousins. In fact, I think she saw it as spurring one child on to match the other(s). She was in fact incapable of whole-heartedly congratulating anyone ........

....... my OH got an excellent result at university. "You did very well, but your uncle xxxxx did better"!!!!

However, my situation changed dramatically when my f-i-l died, he was a lovely man ............. but it turned out that m-i-l always had to blame someone for whatever had gone wrong, and she was most definitely a half empty glass person.

It had been her husband who had been the scapegoat, and I know he led a bit of a hard life with her because of it.

It became me ........ I was to blame for everything, especially for enticing her daughter to also move over here.

At that time, OH was involved with some international work which meant he would get at least one or two trips a year back to Europe or the UK. He always added on a few days to visit his mother.

On one of those trips, she informed him that I had only married him for her money, and she was going to make darned sure that I didn't get any of it :-0 :-0

If necessary, she would cut me out of her will, and leave his share completely to our daughter.

I was reduced to tears on more than one occasion during regular phone calls and visits here ............. yes, she did indeed continue to visit, spending half the time here and half with her daughter ........... only she came on a 4 week and then a 6 week visit, so we had her for longer.

I was blamed both times for not welcoming her and not wanting her to visit when in fact I had suggested that she be invited to come

I was lucky, extremely lucky, in that OH knew exactly what she was like, and stuck up for me .............

.......... the crunch came when she was insisting on emigrating here, to live with her daughter who was a widow with 3 children under the age of 12, in a place that had 6 months winter, with -30C temperatures common. The summers often had weeks of +30C temperatures, with hordes of mosquitoes, black flies, etc

Daughter also knew exactly what her mother was like, and made all kinds of excuses ................

........... but had to eventually gird her loins and tell her mother that she could not come to live over here as the house was not large enough, and there were no seniors' places in the area ......... folk left for warmer climes as soon as they retired.


guess who was to blame :-|



I do try my hardest to be a good m-i-l ........ but I have to admit that I have serious problems with my own s-i-l. :-(

I do my darndest to be polite and nice to him. He himself has admitted that he is a very difficult person to live with, and our stays have been fraught with tension because he can't stand many people around him. OH also has the same problem as me .............. he's never so quiet and "tucked into the corner out of the way" as when we are there.

We have now solved a large part of the problem by staying in local hotels ....... remembering that our visits are usually for about 10 day duration as they live an 8+ hour plane trip away.

Our daughter has visited here with her little boy the last 2 years ....... s-i-l can't take the long flight and jet lag (4 hour time difference) when it is only for a 1 week visit.

I have no idea what will happen in 2 years time when they plan on coming for a longer visit as it is our 50th anniversary.

I guess we might be paying for a hotel for them, as we have only a small house.

Well OH lot it with her last night. We move our daughter and grandsons to a house a lot better for grandsons needs. Our other daughter who is due to have a baby and her OH came to help. When we got home had a message from MIL so OH rung her.

She kicked off so OH kicked back She said what would have happen if one of them had died He reply the staff would have phone us and then my wife and daughters will go out to buy a black dress. He then told her he will spend his day of doing what he wont and that he will ring her in about 10 day time as his grandchildren and family came first and then her and his dad. When he got of phone i ask what got into you he just reply i have had it with the old witch, We got a phone call this morning form daughter number 2 MIL had phone her to have a go at her so she jut reply leave my mum and dad to get on with what they wont to do and if she wont to see daughter baby she better grow up. MIL reply to daughter we will not see any of her money when she die Daughter reply that ok we have all we need and that she has her OH, mother,dad sister and her nephews we have each other and that is all we need. OH has just said if phone ring tonight leave it she can talk to her self LOL

Sad but inevitable.

Good for your OH for finally making a stand. There's the phrase 'I may not like you, but I'll always love you'. Let's hope the confrontation will make her soften her approach.
Probably not - she'll blame you even more. :-(

Well done to you OH


It was my Butler who finally bodily picked his mother up
and threw her out the front door :-D :-D
She was never allowed over our door step ever again ;-) ;-)

How wonderful our time
without her interference and trouble making
was and is :-D :-D

She even had the cheek to ring the hospital
when my Butlers lovely Aunt was on life support
and demand she was unplugged and taken to the phone
As she wanted to talk to her
she was told by the nurse This just was not going to happen
So she told them that Auntie Betty was faking her illness for attention
As if anybody is on life support for attention

Sad old lady thought the world should resolve around her ;-)

My MIL was a bitch right to the end. Wicked I know, but I always said I would dance on her grave and I did.

I get on with both my SIL's and don't intrude into their lives.

The trouble is with the saying 'a daughter's a daughter all your life but a son is a son until he takes a wife;.

Fortunately, I had good relations with both of my mothers in law.

My own mother was the problem to the extent that I eventually saw a psychologist - the only relevant part of those meetings was the following:- she asked me how I would deal with anyone else who treated me in the same way - after some thought I replied that I would have nothing else to do with them. After a few moments without a response from the psychologist I realised that I had the answer to my problem.

Some months later I met my mother again - I now realise something in ME had changed - she was like a different person because she no longer had a hold over me.

The confidence gained from this experience lead me to try it with a somewhat difficult sister in law - it worked!

Once people realised that their opinions, wants, needs etc. simply hold no significance/importance for you they usually stop bullying.

Hope this helps.