General Chat

Since hubby passed end oct my body has been letting me down

I have had two abcess in teeth which had antiobitics and one tooth extracted

Lots of mornings I wake up feeling like I have a cold and take paracetamol, and two doses later it's gone .

A month ago had eye problem in that it felt that I had an eyelash pricking my eye .i bathed it in the shower but in two days I looked like I had been in a boxing fight with Mike Tyson !!

It was sore and had a black eye as if someone had socked me

As it was the weekend I wasn't able to get to the docs but by Monday it was looking a bit better so I let it take its course

So a month later still got sore eyes ,it's now both , I wake up with crusted eyes that I ease in the shower by bathing both ,

Well got fed up with sore eyes so went to the docs , it's an infection and got antibiotic drops .

Even so I have an enormous cold too .seems every time i go out then in two days I am going down with a cold or something else

I went to the docs on monday and saw the lady doc who came in to see hubby the second week he was home and at that time she said sadly he is on his last journey

The nice thing she said I remember you and your hubby , I came to see him!!

She wasn't aware how things went from there and was really nice ,as in how am I and am I getting out,

we had a nice conversation and she gave me a hug when I started to cry

She said stress is a big factor in affecting the immune system and I am at a low so am surceptical to getting viruses .

Well it's not nice feeling ill and stressed and talking to oh telling him how much I love and miss him

I know he would say "silly cow " move on but being married for .58 years I miss him like hell and its difficult being in the house on my own

Frightened daughter a couple of weeks ago when I cried and said I don't know why am here . Feel in limbo just waiting to be with him . She thought I was planning to do that' but I explained NOOO going frightens me so wouldn t go there

Am still floundering tho and hate being in the house on my own :-(

Hold on in there Shirley. Let it happen. Let it all come out at it's own pace in it's own way.

I am just so glad that I did.

Keep talking to us Shirley, it must be so difficult for you. there is usually somebody on here to talk to you. Hopefully your body will eventually get back on track. do you have nice neighbours to talk to. and, the old cliche, are there any clubs or local get togethers that you could join, just to see people.

Yes, stress will be affecting your body and it is a catch 22 because when you feel ill you feel stressed. Try and pamper yourself a bit, get yourself some special food as a treat, not big meals but small tasty ones.

Keep us in the picture as to how you are feeling, we are all here for you. <3 <3 <3 Hopefully we will soon get some spring weather which might make you feel better.

<3 <3

We've all said it takes time to grieve and des[ite how you may feel at the moment, it will get easier. At least you have an understanding GP to turn to. Had you thought about joining a breavement group? Sharing what you are going through with those who have been there, done that, may help you feel less alone.

Anyway -aren't you babysitting your grandson over half term? That would keep you occupied and fill the house with noise. ;-)

Hello Shirley

I am usually up all night so if you can't sleep pm me and I will come back to gr - I am usually on fb or reading the local paper, sometimes I nod off lol with the tv on too but I can 'chat' with you.
Take one day at a time and try to plan something nice to do as often as you can. The days are already getting a bit longer so you will feel more like getting out and about, I hope.
Take care

Lizxx

Shirley - as Sharron said - hang on in there.
These things take time.
Stress in all it's forms is devastating.
People think you don't want to be reminded of your hubby, and get embarrassed.

My sister wanted to talk about her husband Derek (died aged 56 of mesothelioma)- she didn't want people to 'evade' his not being there - but it's not easy.
Being her sister, it was probably easier for me, I could 'read' her, so I openly talked about how Derek would have liked being here etc etc, and laugh about his many social faux pas, doing it at family gatherings etc, so people became more comfortable with the idea.
He was a part of your life for a very long time, and it will take time for you to re-adjust to him not physically being there - this is (to my mind) what grief is.

As Liz says, Spring is around the corner. Days out - maybe a bit of redecorating, slowly adjusting to being on your own - but NOT alone. As DeT suggests, a bereavement group , or as my sister joined - a 'merry widows' group who - surprise surprise - met in a pub. She found this wasn't for her, but the experience was 'interesting'.
:-D

Yes I do have my grandson here this week so have someone to talk to but I can't talk to him as a young adult .he is 16 going on 8 so have to be careful what I say so as not to frighten him . We have spoken about grandad and he asked where Is he ? I said he is in heaven with his mummy and daddy and his brother Bill . Said I expect he is very happy to see them all again ,he asked if he is still poorly and I said no he is ok now which is what we want for him as it wasn't nice for him when he was poorly . He is ok with that .

Even so when he has gone to bed I am back to being on my own sitting in Michael's armchair

I did go last wed to the local branch of the university of the third age which is a group for retired people etc . They do run groups within the main umbrella so am looking at taking up one of them too . The main group meets once a month but within that some of the classes meet weekly .may try French again as I did that at school and it stood us in good stead on our several holidays to France . It's very rusty now though

I belong to the Kent family history society's and went to the last meeting . They thought I had left !! No I had kept up with my subs even though I couldn't get to the meetings for over a year as hubby wasn't safe to leave on his own .

Those groups will be good for getting out and meeting people Shirley.

it takes time - you will get there - when Lawrence died I went down with the most hacking cough I've ever had - it lasted for months - I used to creep around the house at night not to make a noise in case I woke him forgetting he was no longer here - I slept with the light on - but gradually I became used to it

Sorry folks I forgot to say thanks for all the responses

Mum would say " manners !! " :-)

Shirley,I agree with the others ...hang in there...I understand you completely..

It will be 5 years in August since my husband died,and I hadn't been out of the house except to do a quick shop,in 3 years,so the change in having to get up and try to live a single life is hard.

You find yourself putting on the radio or TV to have some noise in the background,and wanting to pass a remark and no one there!

It doesn't go away,but it does get easier as time passes.
This is a low time of year.we have all been fed up with the winter,but the nights are starting to draw out,and that makes us all feel a bit better.
Stress causes all sorts of things ,or adds to them.

Joining a group seems like a good idea.you may find some hobby that really interests you. And you may find friends in the same situation who you can meet up with to go to a theatre or whatever.

I have had to work at it and find that I'm talking to myself to motivate me.
It is early days Shirley...your husband would want you to be as happy as possible
.
There are days when I get a bit down...especially when the weather is t too good,or something happens with the house or other problems .this week I had a letter from the bank apologising as they found a small account of my husbands...I mean small...as it was an old building society account...and sent me a probate form to fill in and Copy of driving licence and passport......after almost 5 years...I get phone calls asking for him still...nuisance calls,but they don't understand that it upsets you.

Shirley ,I am here to listen .if you want to Pm me feel free.

<3 <3

Shirley years ago our next door neighbour lost her husband. She used to come home from work, put her radio on, prepare her dinner then come and spend half an hour with us. She often told us tales of her husband's life. We hadn't known her long so these weren't tales we'd already heard. Years later we were introduced to her cousin as the couple who'd helped her cope with her husband's death.

All we did was listen On here we can read your stories if it helps you. Everyone is different. We can't take the pain and the loneliness away but we can help ease it in whatever way it takes to help.

My mother had a dreadful 3 months then she seemed to realize she had a life to lead. She went to 3 lunch clubs and 2 early evening bingo sessions so she was out Monday - Friday. At times I had to book a time to phone her. She also found old friends amongst the people at the clubs and bingo. She joined with 2 other widows and they spent their holidays together exploring Europe. She had a new life that lasted 23 years 11 months without dad. I'm not saying she didn't miss him, she loved talking about him when it wasn't so raw. That amount of time in the depth of mourning would have been horrendous.

My OH's aunt did the full mourning for years and formed tales around her husband's death that didn't exist. It was painful to watch and towards the end she'd fallen out with most of her friends and several relatives. They just couldn't cope with her anymore. Even her doctor asked her to leave the surgery. Her life wasn't pleasant but she made other people suffer with her bitterness and selfishness.

You can get there Shirley. The first year is the hardest. Look at what you two created and be happy that you did. Count the blessings and the good things, the bad will diminish. Spring is around the corner making it easier to go out.

Because GR covers the world there are people about most times - we are here for you.

:-) <3

Shirley what you're going through is "normal" I went through this and I came out the other side, although at the time I didn't think that I would. Immediately after my darling husband died I was sort of okay. The house was full of people, there were things to arrange, papers to sign etc. Once all this was sorted out and I was at home on my own the grief really just took me over. I too wasn't well and, thank goodness, I have a small group of good friends who helped me survive as my family are all in the UK and they have each other to support them.

Now four years later I love my life and have come to accept that I can't have the only person that is missing from it. I have lovely memories, photos etc.

Just keep going forward Shirley and although it is hard, very hard you will begin to enjoy your life again. Come on here and talk to us whenever you feel things are getting to much for you to tackle alone. <3x

My daughter lost her lovely husband Christmas 2014 when she was 53. It has been hard for her but one thing that has helped a lot is a large (national) group called WAYUP (They have a web site.) WAYUP is for widows and widowers over 50. (WAY--- Widowed and young) is for under 50s.) with this group there are local groups and they organise coffee mornings, lunch meetings, weekends and holidays. Last year she went to Budapest with them. She herself has organised a weekend in Windermere for June. This group has been a godsend as she has only one of her sons living near and has moved to an area where she doesn't know anyone. she now goes to yoga and aquafit. She still misses Jon of course but has other things to focus on which helps a lot. You could google WAYUP if you are interested. They also have a place to chat on line where they all support each other. <3

Good advice that I can't really add to, except to say that one thing that struck me very hard when mum died was that most people stopped mentioning her at all, aside from my friend who was also mum's friend and talked about her easily, friends and family avoided the 'elephant in the room' even when it would have been natural to mention mum in a general way. It got to the point where it was almost like she had never existed.

They were probably too upset, or thought I would be, and I also realised that some were terribly uncomfortable if I mentioned her, maybe they felt I was not getting over her if I talked about her as if she had been, and was still, a huge part of my life...and people still ARE a part of your life because they have been there and made you and your life what it is.

So I would say if family and friends can't or won't talk about your OH, come on here and do so, as well as getting out and about when you can ( and a little routine is not a bad thing when your life has been turned upside down).

Be very gentle with yourself, and take your time. ((( hugs)))

Shirley <3 <3 <3

thank you all

xx

Oh Shirley <3 <3 <3

Shirley ,spring is round the corner .think we are all fed up with the bad weather .& are looking forward to a new year be positive & keep your love alive for your hubby in your heart .have a look for maybe trips out. or meals out with a local group .when you feel like it .even local schools do meals for people on their own Join in & you might find youngsters are interested in your knowledge & memories Look after Yourself Barbra

Just sending you a ((((BIG HUG))))) pet. <3 <3 <3 <3