General Chat

wedding gift lists :-)

Much on my mind of late due to an impending wedding. Now not ever having been married I missed out on the pleasures of making a list of 'things I'd like' and as the last wedding I went to was in the late 70s times have changed it seems.

I remember while attending a weekend seminar for work about '84, I shared a hotel room with one of the other employees ( Miss Smith, that caused some confusion when my boyfriend phoned the hotel only to be told I was sharing a room with Mr Smith ;-) ) anyway, Miss Smith showed me her wedding gift list and I was surprised then to see the very expensive white goods etc on there and very little for the casual guest to buy. Prior to that requests were more likely to be along the lines of toasters and bathroom scales.

This is a more extreme example which is doing the rounds at the minute
"Weddings
Bride and groom write to guest demanding 'adjustment' to £100 gift
Mumsnet user says she was ‘gobsmacked’ after newlyweds sent email suggesting her contribution was not sufficient".

Did you have a wedding present list? Do you perhaps have an idea of what your ancestors might have received? Or was there something you were given that remains hidden in a cupboard and is only brought out when 'auntie' visits? :-)

The last wedding I went to was 2 years ago - OH's youngest. They had their list with John Lewis but I didn't even look at it as we'd already decided to give them money. Some lists seem way over the top these days - those quirky but useful little gifts would be sneered at now it seems....My sister still has some of her original gifts - little shot glasses, cutlery and vases etc. - she married early 70s.

Sheila, the wedding list in this instance is also with John Lewis, I was a little surprised by some of the items ( with the best will in the world I won't be buying a lego set at £249) but there is the option to buy vouchers so may go with that.

We are going to a wedding later this year

The wedding list is at a local store but the option too is money contribution to their deposit fund for a house

Now the items listed are a bit over the top money wise, but the money contribution fund also wants your personal details as well as the money given

I feel a little off about that too as it makes any donation look a bit mean so you feel you should look a bit better and give more that you can really afford

Clef stick comes to mind
:-(

My son has just been invited to an evening reception after a wedding and there was a note with the invitation that went on the line of......your attendance would be the best gift we could ask for, however.....if you would like to give a gift, a contribution of money towards our honeymoon would be lovely as we have everything we need for our home.

I think you shouldn't have a honeymoon if you can't afford it yourself but then things have changed since my time.

The things we got most of were casserole dishes and towels (the last of which were brought down from the loft 3 years ago when we had a new roof done). They were still in their boxes and are being used now even though they are quite old fashioned looking- but Pyrex still does the job!

Kath. x

Difficult isn't it Shirley? The suggestion in some of the comments I was reading say what you should give, as a guest at the wedding, should be more than the cost to the couple of your food and drink at the wedding plus some as the gift. But how much to spend on catering and venue is the bride and grooms choice over which the guest has no control, so that seems unfair to me.

Also if you have to travel you have to take those costs into the equation, and outfits and hair, shoes ...and so it goes on!

Kathleen, I could do with a casserole dish ( and a new oven to put it in come to that, as the bottom element has just gone kaput).

I might make an 'un-wedding day' list ;-)

Our generation (married mid 70s) used to have a 'Bottom Drawer' before we were married and collected basic items or hand-me-downs. The wedding list was for household essentials we hadn't managed to source. Things like a certain design of cutlery, glasses or china which could be purchased seperately.

So many couples today have already lived together that they already have the rolling pins, toasters or casserole dishes. Cash or vouchers means they can replace them with something better or more expensive.

Our son had a list at Debenhams which consisted of things like saucepans and suitcases. Our daughter asked for money as they were relocating to the US. We did play a joke on them & bought 6 x £5 toasters. :-D :-D
(One was given to another relative planning to set up home, the others were returned for a refund )

Our niece married a couple of years back and had a wedding list that was mostly sets of china, glassware etc that were available in individual pieces so guests could buy as much as they felt they could afford.

A family member is getting married in a couple of months. It's a second marriage for both parties so they already have as much household equipment as they need. They've made it clear that they only want the guests to enjoy the day with them but have suggested that if anyone feels they want to give a gift, they should give a bottle of red wine and tie a label to it with the name of the guest giving the gift. That way the couple build up their cellar and every time they open a bottle they will think of the giver and drink a toast to them. The givers can choose the cheapest wine in the supermarket or go for something grander.

The wedding present I dislike giving is a contribution to the honeymoon. This trend seems to be spreading. We've been to a couple of milestone birthday parties in the last year or two where we have been asked for a contribution towards a holiday. What a cheek :-P

My daughter married just a few weeks ago.

The invitations stated that the Bride and Groom did not expect gifts but if anyone felt that they wanted to give something, a small monetary donation would be gratefully received for home improvements.
When they stated "small", they were thinking of perhaps £10- £20.

The total amount that they received from her 100 guests will cover the entire cost of replacing all the windows and doors in their 3 bed semi.
They are shocked ( and pleasantly surprised) at the generosity.
It was definitely not expected.

I still have some of my original Pyrex casserole dishes! I also have a set of 6 crystal sherry glasses (never used them) but managed to off-load two of the 3 toasters that we were bought. They were never on our list, but it was a standard gift in those days. Along with a kitchen clock, and sheets.

I have a complete canteen of cutlery too, which is wheeled out for High Days and Holidays.

:-D

I was married in 1959 - lists did not exist then - had nothing of some guests - gifts received were things like sherry glasses, fish knives and forks, pyrex casserole dishes, mixing bowl, rolling pin, jug, table lamp, electric kettle, electric clock, set of saucepans - still have the mixing bowl and rolling pin and one of the sherry glasses

Son got married in 2003 - they didn't ask for any gifts, just said attendance was all that mattered - they did in fact receive many gifts plus money

there's a piece in the paper today regarding a bride and groom who received £100 from a guest and in writing to say thank you they added that they really thought it should have been more and suggested the guest should increase the amount!!! what a flippin' liberty - the guest said she wished she'd just given a fiver

That's shocking Ann !
I wonder if the Bride and Groom paid for their own wedding?

Bank of Mum and Dad paid for our daughter's big day and she would have been very happy with a fiver!

I've just been googling to see if I could find which pattern my Pyrex casseroles were and found that they are the Chelsea pattern. I still have quite a few of these casseroles and apart from the two I found in the loft 3 years ago they have all been used regularly since 1969 and are the only dishes I use. Things were made to last in those days. I didn't make a wedding list and was happy with all the gifts I got - even if quite a few were duplicated.

Kath. x

recall one of my Pyrex casserole dishes was white with black stars on it

Our eldest daughter married nearly five years ago, they asked for nothing from us, and paid for their own wedding in Cyprus. We did give them money as they were saving for a house but they said they felt bad taking it from us.
When we ourselves married in 1980 we did n.ot have a gift list and did not expect anything but got lots of presents for our home. Casserole dishes, fruit bowls, glasses, crockery and cutlery all very useful and we were so grateful for them

We got married in 1960 and, like Ann, had no list. We received lots of household gifts, and, apart from sheets, nothing was duplicated!! As we were living in furnished, rented accommodation we didn't need furniture. I still have casseroles (clear Pyrex), table mats (not often used these days) and some kitchen knives These were a pair - one bread knife, hardly used, and a vegetable knife, used daily for 56 years and as good as new.

When my cousin got married in the early 80s he had a very pushy mum (aunt by marriage) and I think she must have made out the gift list and she rang around the family to make sure that they the most expensive item on the list

When did people get so greedy?

If a young couple are just starting out and haven't got much I wouldn't begrudge them a helping hand via household items but when they've already set up home and are doing quite nicely thank you or are mature second timers - forget it!

I do wonder if the stores encourage couples to put expensive items on their list - they are in the business of making money and I can see a young couple being swept along by it.

I remember the days of filling a washing up bowl and bucket with cleaning materials, tea cloths etc - and we had to have a whip round for that! LOL