Genealogy Chat

Some horrible person has had a rant at me in a PM about how I won't let them see my tree. One of his distant aunts married of my distant uncles, and considering I know nothing more on her I don't think it's wise for them to see my entire tree for just one person. I gave them all the info I had on the person and we left it at that and then suddenly out of the blue this person starts saying I'm in the wrong game and sitting on information. Am I in the wrong? I don't think there's anything for him to see other than the name of his relation. I'm so angry that this person has insulted. Anyone else had this? Kirsten

Hi Kirsten, Yes, I came under attack for the same reason. I never open my tree to anyone apart from my third cousin. I just send interested parties a report from my family tree programme about the relevant relations. I don't want to show anyone my whole tree - there are too many name collectors out there! Don't take any notice. He is just trying to make you cave in. If he gets abusive report him to GR and they will block him. Cheers, Horatia

Thanks Horatia, I feel better, I was so insensed that this person had the nerve to insult me. I just can't see the benefit in them viewing my entire tree for one name. I'm hoping he'll apologise, but I doubt it. Kirsten

Kirsten it's your tree, and who you show it to, if anyone, entirely your business and entirely your decision. You should not be abused by anyone for that, you've given this person the relevent info, and they've responded in an extremely ungreatful and rude way. I'd personally report them and have no further contact with them. I will say though, not in anyway in defence of him, rudeness is totally inexusable, I don't however share the opinion on 'name collectors'. Names of our ancestors don't 'belong' to us after all. I have 500 names here, and 900 on my tribal pages tree. As long as I can tick the hide living relatives box I'm quite happy for people to copy all of these, if they so wish, and would hope they would do the same. That said regardless it is a matter of opinion, and you should certainly not be abused by anyone for not feeling the same way. Def. report this person!

Richard, When I used the term 'name collectors' I meant that some people will copy names from your tree even though they are NOT related to them! For example, if I showed someone my tree because they were related to my father, there should be no need for them to claim my mother's parents or grandparents as their relations; but some people WILL DO THIS! Gawd knows why! Personally I don't want anyone on my tree who isn't related to me in some way! Cheers, Horatia

I agree it's bizarre they would want to go to time and effort doing this for people who are barely any relation to them at all, but personally I can't say it would particularly bother me, as long as the relatives in question are no longer living. Of course I accept other people are fully entitled to feel different, you should always ask first, and wouldn't dream of reacting so rudely as this 'gentleman' did if I didn't get the answer I'd hoped for.

Richard, I have put my mother and father on this site but someone once put my parents on here too. Now my parents are both dead but why put them on this site twice? Surely if there were any queries about my parents, I would have much fuller information about them than a second cousin or a second cousin once removed. Now if they put my parents into an offline tree, that is a different matter. It's not a question of thinking we 'own' our relatives but surely most people will know their own parents better than a third party. Cheers, Horatia

I don't think they r naming others relatives as theres,just expanding their tree.....but i do think other people should always ask before doing so.

Personally I've made it a rule here that I always ask before adding (obviously), I always double check what's been added as fully as possible, and I never add anyone under the age of eighteen, regardless of how close related or whether permissions been given. I have had similar experience to your in as much as when I first joined a fairly distant cousin did add my living relatives to his tree, including my father who he would probably never have even met. Not really bothered by this though, as he obviously wanted to add detail to his tree (I've done likewise!), and surely anyone interested would mail us both anyway, and he'd presumably point them in my direction? I do see why though people may feel uncomfortbale with seeing their 'close' relatives on other peoples trees, who are not close relations, and understand and respect the wishes of those people. I do feel though the real problem here was not he wanted to do, but the way he went about it. He was rude towards another member and disrepectful of another members wishes. One would hope the admin of the site here would take such things seriously, and I certainly feel it should be reported.

I think at the end of the day, we should do what we feel comfortable with. If you are not comfortable with someone copying your entire tree, then don't give him or her sight of it. Rudeness is not permitted on G.R., so if you say no, that should be the end of the matter. I have now been in touch with just about everyone on this site who has an interest in the names in my tree. Only a very small few have chosen to use anything but a small amount of my information in their tree, and then only those bits which they relate to directly. I am quite happy researching other people’s lines as well, provided they have some sort of connection to my own research. Just a couple of weeks ago I did some work for a couple in Australia where the wife is descended from a well known Liverpool name who we have close connections by marriage. It turns out that theirs is a different line to ours - at least so far - but this makes it no less interesting. I emailed them a tree and report with some twenty additional family covering the 1800's, for which they were delighted. They had asked to see my tree on here, but there is no point, as we have no connection. I have more than 300 contacts listed, and have shared information on my tree with more than half. Sometimes I let them access my tree on the site, other times it is by email, or both - it all depends on the circumstances. Only twice have I come across what appears to be a name grabber and in both cases simply deleted the contact and had nothing further to do with them. Most people are well behaved and sensible and making contacts and sharing information, for me at least, is all part of my enjoyment of the hobby.

Kirsten, I would have done just the same as yourself. And if he's getting annoyed about things he has a different agenda than you have. Have no more to do with him. Kept.

How rude!! You didn't deserve that, Kirsten. I would report him. hugs to you XXX

Kirsten No you are not in the wrong. I don't give permission for my tree, but what I do is just the same as you let them have the relevent info from my PAF about the people that are related. Sue.......

His behaviour simply proves that you are right in witholding information from him. Access to your tree could allow him to contact other people and be equally abusive to them. Access to somebody's tree is a privelege, not a right, and GR are wise in setting up a system that allows treeholders to exercise judgement in this matter. USEFUL TIP: When somebody upsets me, I try to imagine them sitting on the toilet. That way they don't seem so important any more.

Hi Kirsten, I think you did the right thing. When I first started I let someone view my tree, they had a very distant link, the next thing I knew my whole tree was on here, which had no connection to theirs. Now I just give information on the person they are interested in never the whole tree. Call me mean if you like, but I've spent a lot of time and money on my efforts and for someone to come along and just take it as their own annoys me, and why do they want people who they have no connection to whatsoever? As for rudeness there is no excuse for that, I wouldn't hesitate to report them. Sue

If someone has been genuinely rude (as in actually abusive) then I would report them and then block/delete/ignore them. However, before you do report them, read through what they have said one last time and make sure they are not simply making their point. If they are, but in an abusive way, then continue and report it. It may just be that the written word can sound more abrupt than how they meant it. I also don't support this person if they have been abusive, just saying be careful that you are not over reacting (I mean that in an understanding way, not as an accusation - only you know what this person has truly said). I only open my tree to people once I am sure we have a positive connection. As has already been stated, we all have different views on how much information we want to share. Personally (and this is only my own choice) I find the 'living relation' part to be really annoying. I can understand people's right to privacy, and would never disrespect that. If I ever had anyone's details on my tree and they asked me to remove them, then I would do so without question. What I object to is people who stamp in with all barrels blazing demanding left right and centre and throwing obscenities in between each word. It makes you wonder why these people have bothered to come here in the first place. I see it as a place to share information, and once I am certain that there is a positive close connection, then I open my tree and tell them they are welcome to copy over any relevant information to their own tree. What narks me is when you access someone else's tree only to find they only have themselves on there and hold all the other information off somewhere else, so they are gathering information but not sharing it in return which is unfair. The last thing that I feel compelled to moan about is those who discover you have one certain surname in your tree, then send you a mail demanding that you contact them by direct email and give them all the info you have - then keep chasing you asking why you haven't responded when they have 'taken so much trouble to contact you'. I simply ignore them, as they are only here to gather not to share. [gets down off soap box and frees it up for the next person ;o) ]

If you were witholding information, it would be a different matter...........but, as you have clearly given this person all you know, just ignore him. Reg

Everyone has the right to do as they please. I'm quite happy to share my information with others. In fact by sharing my info with another 'branch' of the family I was given much more info about my direct line that I would probably still be struggling to find to this day. But each to their own as I say.

I often get contacted regarding very distant members of my tree - often people who married into my family. Most of the time I hardly know anything about them and so I just reply saying 'I dont really know anything about this person but I do know that they married blah de blah and had this many children' type thing. Sometimes they reply asking for access to my tree and I usually say no and explain that viewing my tree would not give them anymore information than I just gave them. I am quite happy to open my tree to people whose 'match' to me shares the same nth times great grandparents to me, as there is a common ancestor. I often also get contacted by people - often newbies - who think they have a match but the match was born in a totally different place. I once decided to help out a chap who did this and looked up his rellie and dug out a load of information and sent it to him - explaining there was no connection to my family and he still sent me a 'can I view your tree' message. I quickly replied and reiterated that there was no connection at all to my family. He never even said thank you for all the help I had given him. I do get frustrated when there are people on the site who wont let me see their tree when they have a direct ancestor of mine on their tree - one man said he didn't want me copying his living relatives - I said I would never do that without permission and he still wouldn't let me view it. He even has his tree on Ancestry - but its not open for anyone else but himself to view - and it upsets me as he has details of my grandmothers siblings who died in infancy - which he never asked if I was ok with him having on his tree. He is only related to my grandmothers fathers brother. But I would never barrage anyone with abuse and demand access to their tree. At the end of the day one of the main points about this site is the sharing of information, to find others who share relatives with you who you can help or they can help you. My cousin uses this site and we opened our trees up to each other, she is mainly interested in her fathers side, but was bowled over to see how much I had found about our side of the family. I wouldn't mind at all if she copied anything from my tree - obviously it would be a bit weird if she started copying my partners tree though!!

I do not understand the reasoning for looking at someone elses tree. It seems to me that most people are happy to helpout on any brick walls we hit. Surely looking at someones elses tree is just a lot names and dates. I think the whole buzz you get from family research is finding the person for your self. I always thought the reason for having your tree on here was just to be able to match with any name you have come to a halt with. Most of the time you have to go back a few generations to be connected anyway, so the whole of your tree is totally useless to other people. I personally just keep a few basic names on here and the rest on a different software package which I am quite happy for true decendants to view. Julie