General Chat

CB Life of Brian the start lol Angels' Choir: [Sort of a Chant to the Star of Bethlehem] Brian: Uhuhlk! Gaspar: Hrmhrm! Mother falling off stool: [Crash] Mother: Uhooh! Who are you? Gaspar: We are three wise men. Mother: What? Melchior: We are three wise men. Mother: Well, what are you doing creeping under a couch at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me. Balthasar: We are astrologists. Melchior: We have come from the East. Mother: Is this some kind of joke? Gaspar: We wish to praise the infant. Melchior: We must pay a homage to him. Mother: Homage? You're all drunk! It's disgusting! Out! Come on, out! Gaspar: No... Mother: Barge in here with tales about all the ancient fortune-tellers. Come on, out! Gaspar: No, no, we must see him! Mother: Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on! Melchior: We...we were led by a star! Mother: Led by a bottle more like! Go on, out! Melchior: Well, well, we must see him, we have brought presents! Mother: Out! Gaspar: Gold, frankincense, myrrh! Mother: Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a...bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh anyway? Balthasar: It is a valuable balm. Mother: A balm?! What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him! Balthasar: What? Mother: That's a dangerous animal! Quick, throw it in the trough! Melchior: No, it isn't! Mother: Yes, it is! It's a great big uh... Gaspar: No, no, it is an ointment. Mother: Oh, well, there is an animal called a balm, or did I dream it? So you're astrologists, are you? Well, what is he then? Gaspar: Hm? Mother: What star-sign is he? Gaspar: Ehm...Capricorn. Mother: Ah, Capricorn, eh? What are they like? Gaspar: Oh, well, he's the son of God, our Messiah. Melchior: King of the Jews! Mother: And that's Capricorn, is it? Gaspar: No, no, that's just him! Mother: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them. Snhff. Melchior: By what name are you calling him? Mother: Uhm, Brian. All three wise men: We worship you, oh Brian, who are lord over us all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our father. Amen. Mother: Do you do a lot of this, then? Gaspar: What? Mother: This praising. Gaspar: No, no...no, no. Mother: Oh, well, ehm, if you're dropping by again, do pop in, huh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, um, but don't worry too much about the myrrh the next time, all right? Huh. Thank you! Goodbye! Hen: Gdisk! Mother: Well, were they nice? Hm! Out of their bloody minds, but still, look at that!

Brillilant, Steve! LOL You've reminded me now which video I want to watch when I do my next batch of ironing. Thank you. CB >|<

Lol CB i have the full script if you want it lol Steve

If the good lord will forgive me I also think the 'life of brian' was terrific. Love that little crucifiction or freedom bit where the centurion asks him if he is for execution or freedom. 'Freedom' he replies and the centurion excuses him. 'No, I,m only kidding, I,m for crucifiction' Agree with Fred about the blackmail item - very inventive and funny. Happy days

Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front? Reg: **** off! We're the People's Front of Judea Gets me everytime lol Sorry about the swear word lol Kelly

Steve (from Durham etc.) I think Scarsdale must have been the American version. The original was ' Purley squire? - famous place SAY NO MORE '! - but I loved the Cheese shop, I kept thinking of the cheese shop in Leadenhall Market in the City where we used to spend our luncheon vouchers back in the late '60's. And what about the bar scene where very exotic cocktails are being served e.g. a Haarlem Stinger - coming riiigghht up ! and where a chap reads from the evening paper 'I see Nixon's had an ar*****e transplant' his colleague says 'Have you seen the stop-press though?' 'the ar*****e's rejected him!'

The only one I found remotely funny was ' the life of Brian'. 'I'm Brian..... I'm Brian..... I'm Brian......... I was in hysterics. Deanna X

Oh, and Margaret Cowley - you are permitted to leave this thread!!

I have to say that my utter fave python sketch is in the Life of Brian.. it's the bit where he has the centurions and soldiers lined up. the 'Biggus Dic*us' sketch and also the bit just after when he is on the balcony proclaiming that he ' will welease Woderick' splits my sides every time!!! Also love the 4 Yorkshiremen sketch ( I think the pythons did a version of that) Nic P.S also love the bit in the crowd when the guy just does.nt get it and shout s 'wobber, wapist....pickpocket''

Forgive me for butting in again. Life of Brian - 'what have the romans ever done for us?' Absolutely brilliant thinking and not dis-similar to a council/public meeting these days. Happy days

John you may well be correct sir I do know it was first done in episode 3 then lots of times on record and live. Steve

I named my first dog after a Monty Python sketch - Dinsdale. Do you remember the hood called Dinsdale 'Snapper Organs' Pirhana?

All these recent Danone and other drinks adverts to help the digestion on TV always make me think of the Biggus Dickus sketch. They always contain Pythonesque ingredients like 'Biffidus Digestus' dont they!

Wensleydale... And my kids love the Knight of the Round Table song on Holy Grail - especially the lego version on the DVD. Liz

I can do this one :-) The Ministry of Silly Walks (A man dressed in suit complete with bowler hat comes into shop. He has a silly walk and keeps doing little jumps and then three long paces without moving the top of his body. He buys a paper, then we follow him as he leaves the shop.) Minister: 'Times' please. Shopkeeper: Oh yes sir, here you are. Minister: Thank you. Shopkeeper: Cheers. (The Minister leaves the shop, from which we see a line of gas men stretching back up the road to Mrs Pinnet's house, and walks off in an indescribably silly manner. Cut to him proceeding along Whitehall, and into a building labelled 'Ministry of Silly Walks'.) (Inside the building he passes three other men, each walking in their own eccentric way.) (Cut to an office; a man is sitting waiting. The minister enters eccentrically.) Minister: Good morning. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently, and so it takes me rather longer to get to work. (sits at desk) Now then, what was it again? Mr Pudey: Well sir, I have a silly walk and I'd like to obtain a Government grant to help me develop it. Minister: I see. May I see your silly walk? Mr Pudey: Yes, certainly, yes. (He gets up and does a few steps, lifting the bottom part of his left leg sharply at every alternate pace. He stops.) Minister: That's it, is it? Mr Pudey: Yes, that's it, yes. Minister: lt's not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the right leg isn't silly at all and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step. Mr Pudey: Yes, but I think that with Government backing I could make it very silly. Minister: (rising) Mr Pudey, (he walks about behind the desk in a very silly fashion) the very real problem is one of money. I'm afraid that the Ministry of Silly Walks is no longer getting the kind of support it needs. You see there's Defence, Social Security, Health, Housing, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get the same. But last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defence. Now we get £348,000,000 a year, which is supposed to be spent on all our available products. (he sits down) Coffee? Mr Pudey: Yes please. Minister: (pressing intercom) Now Mrs Two-Lumps, would you bring us in two coffees please? Intercom Voice: Yes, Mr Teabag. Minister: ... Out of her mind. Now the Japanese have a man who can bend his leg back over his head and back again with every single step. While the Israelis... here's the coffee. (Enter secretary with tray with two cups on it. She has a particularly jerky silly walk which means that by the time she reaches the minister there is no coffee left in the cups. The minister has a quick look in the cups, and smiles understandingly.) Minister: Thank you - lovely. (she exits still carrying tray and cups) You're really interested in silly walks, aren't you? Mr Pudey: Oh rather. Yes. Minister: Well take a look at this, then. (He products a projector from beneath his desk already spooled up and plugged in. He flicks a switch and it beams onto the opposite wall. The film shows a sequence of six old-fashioned silly walkers. The film is old silent-movie type, scratchy, jerky and 8mm quality. All the participants wear 1900's type costume. One has huge shoes with soles a foot thick, one is a woman, one has. very long 'Little Tich' shoes. Cut back to office. The minister hurls the projector away. Along with papers and everything else on his desk. He leans forward.) Minister: Now Mr Pudey. I'm not going to mince words with you. I'm going to offer you a Research Fellowship on the Anglo-French Mr Pudey: La Marche Futile? (Cut to two Frenchmen, wearing striped jerseys and berets, standing in a field with a third man who is entirely covered by a sheet.) First Frenchman: Bonjour ... et maintenant ... comme d'habitude, au sujet du Le Marché Commun. Et maintenant, je vous presente, encore une fois, mon ami, le pouf célèbre, Jean-Brian Zatapathique. (he removes his moustache and sticks it onto the other Frenchman) Second Frenchman: Merci, mon petit chou-chou Brian Trubshawe. Et maintenant avec les pieds à droite, et les pieds au gauche, et maintenant l'Anglais-Française Marche Futile, et voilà (They unveil the third man and walk off He is facing to camera left and appears to be dressed as a city gent; then he turns about face and we see on his fight half he is dressed au style francaise He moves off into the distance in eccentric speeded-up motion.) ................ continued

continued................ How did it come about? Well, one story goes like this: way back when in the days that the Python team were busily thrashing out new ideas for sketches, the team would regularly meet at Graham Chapman's house which happened to be on a rather steep hill. It was one day while most of the crew were there, that Graham happened to remark upon the number of Government Departments that seemed to be springing up. John Cleese had been stood looking out of Graham's lounge window toward the front hedge when he noticed that there was a man walking up the hill. Nothing strange there. Then he noticed how instead of being upright, the man was leaning backward so that his body would be 90 degrees to the ground. This seemed to be almost impossible and the group, unable to see the man's legs got to discussing how it could be done but they could not come up with the definitive answer. Almost as one man they rushed outside to watch the stranger and his walk but were too late as the man had already crested the hill and was gone. Back in Graham's house the conversations continued for some time until, eventually, Terry Jones and Michael Palin came up with the version of the sketch which has become known as The Ministry of Silly Walks and featured John's long legs to good effect. Some years later, it was revealed how John Cleese came to hate that sketch after many repeated requests for him to 'Do the silly walk'. The closest he came to repeating it was in 'Fawlty Towers', 'The Germans' sketch where he was seen to goose-step around the dining-room. Basil: 'Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it. So it's all forgotten now and let's hear no more about it. So that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Herman Goering and four Colditz salads....no, wait a minute...I got confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.' German: 'Will you stop mentioning the war?'

Life of Brian The stoning, All the women wear fake beards to pose as men, as women are not allowed to go -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CROWD OF WOMEN: [yelling] JEWISH OFFICIAL: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath. MATTHIAS: Do I say 'yes'? STONE HELPER #1: Yes. MATTHIAS: Yes. OFFICIAL: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,... CROWD: Ooooh! OFFICIAL: ...you are to be stoned to death. CROWD: Ahh! MATTHIAS: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.' CROWD: Oooooh! OFFICIAL: Blasphemy! He's said it again! CROWD: Yes! Yes, he did! He did!... OFFICIAL: Did you hear him?! CROWD: Yes! Yes, we did! We did!... WOMAN #1: Really! [silence] OFFICIAL: Are there any women here today? CROWD: No. No. No. No... OFFICIAL: Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me-- [CULPRIT WOMAN stones MATTHIAS] MATTHIAS: Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet! OFFICIAL: Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on. CROWD: She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did. CULPRIT WOMAN: Sorry. I thought we'd started. OFFICIAL: Go to the back. CULPRIT WOMAN: Oh, dear. OFFICIAL: Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? MATTHIAS: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying 'Jehovah'. CROWD: Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!... OFFICIAL: You're only making it worse for yourself! MATTHIAS: Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah! CROWD: Oooooh!... OFFICIAL: I'm warning you. If you say 'Jehovah' once more-- [MRS. A. stones OFFICIAL] Right. Who threw that? [silence] Come on. Who threw that? CROWD: She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. OFFICIAL: Was it you? MRS. A.: Yes. OFFICIAL: Right! MRS. A.: Well, you did say 'Jehovah'. CROWD: Ah! Ooooh!... [CROWD stones MRS. A.] OFFICIAL: Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'Jehovah'. CROWD: Ooooooh!... [CROWD stones OFFICIAL] WOMAN #1: Good shot! [clap clap clap]

Steven, I've got 'The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok' (published in the mid-1970s) and 'Monty Python's Flying Circus: Just the Words' Volumes 1 & 2 but I don't have the 'Big Red Book', and only have 'Life of Brian' and the 'Holy Grail' on video. If you've got the scripts, I'd love to have them. CB >|< :>)

LOL Fred, That last one you mentioned, about the son wanting to go down the pit, was hilarious. It reminded me of a D H Lawrence story we read at school - Sons & Lovers, if I remember rightly. CB >|<

Look out for a new show opening in the West End 2nd October called 'Spamalot' Ken x